Funny work stories

[Drew2]

Ok this is just a random thread created so I can tell this real fast.

Just answered a call (as in like 10 seconds ago) with a guy with the website gayamericapersonals.com.

He lives on a street called Fruitdale

I found that hilarious. I had to put him on mute to laugh at him.

Ok the end. Share your own funny work stories.

[4a6c1]

I go to work every morning. Thats funny. I have responsibilities there. Thats even funnier. There are people working under me. HAHAHAHA. Ahem.

:S

[Drew2]

Another funny story that just happened.

A guy calls complaining that he hasn't received SiteBuilder (Yahoo!'s web building software) in the mail. I ask why he hasn't downloaded it instead (since it's free). He replies "I can't download it. I get a picture of a hard drive with an x over it when I click it"

Now, the only reason this is funny is because I get about 4 calls like this a day. The cause? XP Service Pack 2. They block most downloads and a yellow bar pops up on the top of the browser telling you to click there to download it.

It's just funny that this guy has been waiting a month for something that could have taken him five minutes to download.

People are silly (stupid).

[Killer Kitten]

I once had a duck explode all over a veterinarian and one of our animal supervisors. The duck had a retained egg and the vet was trying to work it free. I stepped away to get some gauze as the vet poked a little too hard. The egg had been retained far too long and was way past rotten and into toxic. It erupted like a volcano, with a sound like you get when you pop a plastic bag. The vet and supervisor were covered with some of the foulest smelling mung ever to splatter an operating room.
Not a drop on Yours Truly.

[4a6c1]

omg thats disgusting. :O

[MPSorc]

I got a phone call for someone looking for the CHODE while i was on the MP Desk. I kept saying "what are you looking for?" and they kept repeating the CHODE. I was like OH, you want the CHOD (Camp Humphreys Operations Desk). Gotta love those military acronyms.

[SpunGirl]

I was scrolling through the floor cams the other night and happened upon someone wandering up and down the 11th floor hallway... in his underwear... which were of the tight and white variety. He was banging on doors and looked a little drunk, so I called security and asked them to check it out, figuring he was locked out of his room.

When security came up the elevator and he heard the doors open, he panicked and jumped into the stairwell. Security had to go coax him out and walk him to his room with him weeping and holding his head in his hands. They let him back in. Why he left the room sans pants in the first place, I'm not sure.

A few weeks ago, we got a call from Security that they were going to call metro regarding a guy who had fainted in VIP slots, claiming he was injured because he had been beat up by Rio security (the Rio is just across the street). He was bleeding from the forehead and looked woozy while they helped him to the security office.

On review, we saw him wander into the VIP slot area with no gash on his forehead, poke around for a few minutes, then wander into a back aisle which was empty. He then slammed his head against the corner of a machine, doing it three times to break the skin and create bleeding. Then he laid himself down very gently on the floor and pulled a slot chair down on top of him.

Lovely people.

-K

[Keller]

There is a new waiters assistant at my restaurant and he's a little wet behind the ears in this line of work. He is also quite gullible. We were slaughtered tonight with a slew of 2-tops and I told him I was too tired to do my side work. I asked him to empty the hot water out of the coffee machine, which has an endless supply of hot water. He bought into it when I offered him $5. He sat there for 10 minutes filling an ice bucket with hot water before another server had the heart to ask him what he was doing. Fucking classic.

[Kainen]

When I first started working here at the answering service we used to book appointments for a massage therapy place. The second call I got for this place was a guy who refused to give me a call back number.. then he asked if the massage came with a release. Luckily I said no.. cuz I didn't know what that meant at the time.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
omg thats disgusting. :O

No, but I can do disgusting...

Once while working at the BAW clinic our most neurotic veterinarian had to spay a great dane with a pyometra. (A pyometra is when the uterus gets infected and fills with pus, treated by simply spaying the animal.)

He extracted this huge pyo from the dog and, being neurotic, wanted me to weigh it. I put it in a waste basket bag and took it down front to weigh on the clinic scale. Seven pounds of pus.

As I'm carrying it back, another tech tells me to be careful so the bag doesn't break. Smartass me sez, 'These bags are tough,' and to prove it I swung the bag in a circle.

Ever have something happen so awful that you feel like you're seeing it in slow motion? As the bag reached the high arc of the swing, the bottom literally disintegrated. This seven pound pus balloon flew through the air and literally exploded on the corner of the x-ray room doorway, showering both the hallway and the x-ray room.

How much pus is seven pounds worth? A whole hell of a lot. I was scrubbing up pus for a good two hours. (But God almighty, how we all laughed!)

[Alfster]

I'm not sure if this would be funny to anyone that doesn't work where I do, but we get a good joke out of it.

Basically, we had this horrible smell in our coat room for the last month. We finally got curious enough to figure out what the smell was, we figured a mouse had gotten under the carpet and died.

Well, we were wrong. We narrowed the smell down to this bag that was sitting in the corner, under a bunch of junk. We took, it threw it outside and dumped the contents out. What came out was this horribly disgusting, and decaying dead cat.

That's right, someone brought a dead cat to work and left it there. Disturbing.

Anyhow, "rotten pussy" jokes still haven't gotten old at work yet.

[CrystalTears]

Them: "I can't turn my computer on. I think it's broken. It doesn't do anything."
Me: "When was the last time you used the computer?"
Them: "Right before the lights went out."
Me: "..."

Them: "I can't log in. It says I don't have a connection."
Me: "Open up the internet browser and see if we can get a webpage to load."
Them: "I can't. The internet is down in the office."
Me: "..."

Them: "My modem isn't dialing."
Me: "How many lights are on the modem?"
Them: "Just one."
Me: "Can I have you turn it off for a few seconds?"
Them: "Great. Now the whole computer turned off and can't turn it back on."
She confused the modem with the powerstrip. Someone shoot me.

[Jazuela]

I get a kick out of making fun of my customers, right to their faces. They tend to love it and tell the manager how "personable" I am and how glad they are to have a human being instead of a pimple-face automaton behind the cash register.

Often I'll get customers who'll order the double-whopper with cheese, a king-sized fry, a slice of cheesecake, and..

a diet coke.

I just laugh at them. I mean - loudly. Obnoxiously. "You're kidding me right?" "Oh - well I have to cut down somewhere." "Uh - have you tried, y'know, not eating at Burger King every day?" "Well no, I just love your double-whoppers with cheese." "Uh huh - " and then I shout to the back "One double slab of greasy cow-flesh with the works for the guy on a diet!"

I swear these customers eat this shit up. They LOVE the abuse. And I get to have fun abusing them.

Another little amusing thing, is when there's no line, so customers will come around the opposite end of the line barrier. Then another customer comes in behind them - at the wrong end..and so on, til we have a line leading into the wall instead of where they pick up their food.

I laugh at them too..they look at me like "what's so funny?" And I tell them, while pointing my finger, "Okay, now that you've created a line coming from the wrong direction, you can all sort yourselves out so you can pick up your food. I'll be eating my snack while I wait, just give me a holler when you're done."

And then I walk the 5 steps to the side counter and take a bite of my chicken sandwich, and watch them all stare at me like I'm from another planet.

They really don't understand that if they line up on the wrong side, the only way they can leave the line is by walking into the wall, or pushing each other out of the way.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Jazuela
...some drivel here...


I honestly can't believe you haven't been fired.

Jorddyn

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Jazuela
:: insert being mean to customers to their face::

I'm probably alone here, but you sound like an asshole at work.

Making fun of customers to your co-workers and on message boards is one thing. Being plain rude to them in their faces is a dick move in my book.

Just my opinion.

I thought it was a joke, or something copy and pasted from somewhere else...and I still do.:D

I agree with Wezas.

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Jazuela
And then I walk the 5 steps to the side counter and take a bite of my chicken sandwich, and watch them all stare at me like I'm from another planet.


Because you are. You really suck at customer support. You need a job where you don't communicate with live people everyday. I mean I realize that working at a BK is beneath you, but to be that much of a bitch to the customers make me wonder how you're still there.

I'm secretly hoping that you made up this shit to get a rise out of people. That whole post made me sick, so I hope THAT person gets a major kick in the ass from a customer soon.

[Edited on 2/16/2005 by CrystalTears]

I was at work once and the phone wrang. We have a regular number, so it's not impossible to confuse with a house number at all. ANYWAY, this raging psychotic bitch starts yelling and screaming at me for cheating and blah blah blah.. I was like "WTF SYKO BITCH!!!!!!!!111111111" and she was all like.. "Is this "SO AND SO" I was all like.. "NO!!!11111111oneoneone!!11" and then she was like.. "Oh.. SRY!" and hung up. Weirdest thing EVA

- Arkans

[HarmNone]

I have trouble understanding why it's so enjoyable for some people to make fun of other people. To me, it doesn't matter whether it's on a message board or face-to-face. I can't see where all the "fun" comes in......:shrug:

On a message board it is fun because people genuinly get offended at text. In person it's kinda lame.

- Arkans

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I have trouble understanding why it's so enjoyable for some people to make fun of other people. To me, it doesn't matter whether it's on a message board or face-to-face. I can't see where all the "fun" comes in......:shrug:

I think there are three kinds of making fun.

There's the "OMG you're such a freak!" kind with your friends, where you both break down laughing.

There's the "OMG you're such a freak" kind with people who are just so removed from reality that they need a nudge in the right direction.

And, finally, there's the "OMG you're such a freak" kind where the person doing the insulting just has an incessant need to feel superior to everyone around him or her, and doesn't realize just how idiotic this makes him or her look.

Jorddyn, freak :)

[HarmNone]

Friends kidding around with one another are not really making fun of each other, as I see it. They're sharing a joke, as friends. If they know each other well, they're all aware that nobody is going to be offended, and that everyone is in on the joke.

I've never found nudging someone with an insult to be near as effective as nudging someone with a compliment. ;)

With the last instance, Jordynn, I will agree wholeheartedly. To me, it has always seemed that people who get their jollies out of putting down other people are advertising the fact that they have pretty damned close to zero self-esteem.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Wezas

Originally posted by Jazuela
:: insert being mean to customers to their face::

I'm probably alone here, but you sound like an asshole at work.

Making fun of customers to your co-workers and on message boards is one thing. Being plain rude to them in their faces is a dick move in my book.

Just my opinion. You're not alone alert.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I've never found nudging someone with an insult to be near as effective as nudging someone with a compliment. ;)


A good percentage of the time, I agree. However, how does one respond to Jazuela's post? I'm not sure how I'd compliment her on it, but I really think Wezas's "You sound like an asshole at work" was right on the money.

Jorddyn

[StrayRogue]

Being a journalist, I find perverting the truth to be pretty funny.

[HarmNone]

Heh. I guess I don't really have a response to Jazuela's post, nor do I feel I need one. It brought up a question in my mind as to why people enjoy denigrating others, but that's about it.

I also don't feel that Wezas was making fun of Jazuela when he said what he did. I think he was saying exactly what he meant.
:cool:

[Wezas]

Originally posted by HarmNone
I also don't feel that Wezas was making fun of Jazuela when he said what he did. I think he was saying exactly what he meant.
:cool:

You're exactly right, Harmnone.

And I hesitated in posting it because I haven't had any problems with Jaz before.
That was the third (and nicest) revision of my post that made the final edit.

[Hulkein]

lol, I worked at McDonalds when I was 14. We have something in common, Jazuela!

Sad thing is it seems that I was more mature working there at that age than you are now.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Wezas

Originally posted by HarmNone
I also don't feel that Wezas was making fun of Jazuela when he said what he did. I think he was saying exactly what he meant.
:cool:

You're exactly right, Harmnone.

And I hesitated in posting it because I haven't had any problems with Jaz before.
That was the third (and nicest) revision of my post that made the final edit.

I think that's a good point, Wezas. It isn't necessary to have had a problem with someone to have an issue with something they say, or an attitude they display. I feel I can like a person (as a whole) without having to like everything they do or say.

If I do find I have a problem with something someone says, like you, I'm apt to come right out and say what I think. I'm not doing it to try to change that person, but to state where I stand and will, in all probability, continue to stand on whatever issue has arisen. To me, that's not making fun of someone, it's simply disagreeing with them.

[Kainen]

Jazuela is the kinda bitch I like to get fired. I also work in a customer service intensive job so I know how much it can suck. but luckily there are other young people who need a job. You are replacable.. and regardless if you think it's funny or not you are being a jackass.. hope it comes back to bite you on the ass.

[Warriorbird]

Sorta hard. I wish I was lucky enough to HAVE the opportunity to have a pure customer service job. I've been through a bunch of sales jobs and few of them end well. I ride high, then get bored. I don't like sales in the end. I'm trying to get something else while I get my life on track, and yet they're all filled with people who hate their work and are mean to customers.

[Skeeter]

I would love some fry jockey to even attempt to give me shit. King Kong Pwnage would insue. I would verbally shred some jumped up burger flipper like OJ on a white woman.

AFTER I got my food of course :lol:

[Jahira]

Working at Best Buy in Computers I get some good ones.

Very common:
Customer: I need a new modem.
Me: Ok Dial-up or cable modem?
C: Umm I have AOL
Me: Alright then a dail-up
I walk them over to the actual 56k modems.
C: Wow! They are that small, and only 50 bucks!? Great! But where do I store all my old information
Me: Ohhhh, so you don't actually need a modem you need a tower.
C: Isn't that the same thing?

That is probably once a week thing.


Now that good one.
A nasty nasty man came in and was wondering where the cameras that hook into computers are. I show him the webcams. He asks how they hook up. I tell him by the USB port. He wants to know how he would hook up about 18 of them to one computer. This took me back, and I had to explain all of the hassle about extentions and poor quality and then I had to ask why. He said he was at a paysite where he watched this guy who wired his entire house, and he got to watch him bang girls all the time. He wanted to set up a site like that with him and his wife. I immediatly told him I didn't have the slightest clue and walked away disgusted. (You have to understand this guy was like missing 4 teeth, hadn't showered in 3 weeks, and smelled like rotten fish)

[CrystalTears]

I wish I had a dollar for every time I ask a customer to turn the computer off and they turn off the monitor. :banghead:

[Jahira]

We do get a lot of people who come in wanting a new computer, and think they just have to buy a monitor because they never shut off the actual computer, they have always just shut off the monitor.

Probably another once a week customer

[Killer Kitten]

More laughs from the veterinary world:

Back again at the BAW clinic, we had one vet who was counting down the days until his retirement. He was very well off financially, his dream house in Montana was nearly built, suffice it to say he had a huge case of give a shit.

One day a dog came in with a mass on the abdomen that was bigger than the poor mutt that grew it. X-rays confirmed that it had infiltrated the chest/lungs and throughout the digestive tract. The owners had the dog euthanized. We were short on techs that day, so there was a delay in taking the body downstairs to the freezer. We threw a drape over the animal and shut the exam room off, figuring the vet could switch to another room until the crush eased a bit and one of us had time to schlep it downstairs.

I was in the room next to this one, assisting one of the vets with a fractious cat. The three of us were concentrating on getting a blood sample from the uncooperative feline, when we heard our give-a-shit vet exclaim from next door: 'My God, that's a big fucking tumor!'

The client turned to me and said, 'Well that doesn't sound so good.' By supreme effort, I managed to contain my giggles until we'd finished with the cat and they had departed.

[SpunGirl]

Wow, Jazuela, I wish I could be as cool as you, working at Burger King and getting my kicks by being a smartass fast-food employee. Your parents must be so proud.

-K

[Latrinsorm]

Jazuela IS Kevin Spacey!

[Kainen]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Wow, Jazuela, I wish I could be as cool as you, working at Burger King and getting my kicks by being a smartass fast-food employee. Your parents must be so proud.

-K

:lol:, :lol: and again :lol:

[peam]

Nah, Kevin Spacey is awesome.

If I had Jazuela's job you'd be getting the rat-burger special.

Not saying that people that eat fast food don't deserve to be made fun of, but c'mon, it's like beating up a retarded child. Have some tact.

- Arkans

[peam]

As long as you ease my upset stomach with some theraputic sage and peppermint incense.

[Keller]

Originally posted by Arkans
Not saying that people that eat fast food don't deserve to be made fun of, but c'mon, it's like beating up a retarded child. Have some tact.

- Arkans

No, it's like beating up a retarded kid who thinks he's going to work for NASA in any capacity outside of scrubing piss-stained toilet seats.

[Tsa`ah]

Being an ass to the people that make it possible for you to earn a pay check ... smart.

Any job in fast food sucks, but if that's what you have to do, suck it up and do it or find another job that enables you not to be a jackass to your customers.

In the end, having "fired from BK as an adult" on your resume isn't going to be a very bright spot to potential employers.

The funniest ... not so funny work story I have is watching this idiot on the catwalk (past job) trying to hang a banner from the railing.

At first he's straddled on the railing trying to reach down to grab a cord that's in the middle of the edge he's tying. I step out of my office and yell at the guy "Get a harness or get a lift, but get the hell off the catwalk railing until you do!".

He ignores me and swings his leg over the railing so that now he's standing on the railing, not the catwalk floor, with a two story drop below him. Thinking that he didn't hear me, I radio two techs on the mezzanine to make their way over to the dip shit and then get on the intercom and repeat what I yelled ... using his first and last name. He ignores it.

Less than a minute later I see the first tech climbing down from the mezzanine to the catwalk .... and the guy slips and falls.

He lived. A broken leg, dislocated shoulder, and a lost job.

Lesson: When you're the fucking Safety Director, get someone who knows what they're doing to hang your Safety Slogan banner. Do not attempt to do it yourself.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
He lived. A broken leg, dislocated shoulder, and a lost job.

Lesson: When you're the fucking Safety Director, get someone who knows what they're doing to hang your Safety Slogan banner. Do not attempt to do it yourself. Karma's a bitch so I won't laugh in this instance. He got served by his own title.

[SpunGirl]

Allow me to laugh for you, DeV. That guy deserves a Darwin Award Honorable Mention, that's hilarious.

-K

[Jazuela]

I should've prefaced my post with a mention that these are the "regulars" I play around with like this. The ones who come in every day at the same time, know all of us behind the counter by name, tell us stories about their dogs, their cars, their crazy uncles, their diets...

The ones who form the line backward, for instance...same damned group every single tuesday. And one day, a bus came in right after them, filled with around 30 people. THEY lined up the right way, and this group was lined up the wrong way. And - there's only one line.

So I took what could've been a really ugly mess (since I'm the only cashier at lunch hour) lasting a good 10 minutes, and turned it into a bit of ribbing that lasted all of 15 seconds.

These people I make fun of are the same people I rush to the door to open for them, the old folks especially because they're an amazing wonderful group of people...I help them to their seats, I take their money while they're taking off their coats and relaxing, I make their coffee for them just the way they like it instead of making them make it themselves (which is how it works at this BK)..

I place the order at my register on their behalf and bring them their food, all the while calling over to them to make sure they're settled in comfortably. And then after I've brought them their food, if there's no line at the moment, I'll stay a moment, ask them about their daughter who just had a baby, or find out if they got out of that speeding ticket they got over the weekend...that kinda thing.

They're all kinda like my uncles and aunts and cousins. That's how I treat them. And yeah I poke fun, and so do they, and people who come into our store usually leave with a big ole smile on their faces and are glad they came.

The guy with the diet coke? If he needs to lose 20 pounds I'd be surprised. I poke fun at him, same way I poke fun at myself or anyone else who does something so contrary that it makes no sense. Ordering a big greasy calory-laden carb-filled artery-clogging meal - and a diet coke. IT IS FUNNY. It's funny to the people hearing him order it, and it's funny to him to think about what he's doing once it's pointed out.

Just like the people who order their sandwiches and say "No onions!" and then order onion rings.

We laugh about it, because it's funny. Not just me..WE. Me, the customers, the chick at drive-through, the managers...

So no, I'm not abusive in a mean-spirited way. I'm abusive in a "oh cousin, you're so silly I could pinch your cheeks!" kinda way.

Just like the people who order their sandwiches and say "No onions!" and then order onion rings.

Possible grounds for an aneurism.

[Praefection]

I've got the great job of working the graveyard shift at an answering service. So from 8pm-8am I have people calling at all hours over stupid shit. I mostly answer for doctor offices but also towing companies, animal control and the local ambulance service.

Some of my more amusing calls...

I once had this lady call up saying her baby was cross eyed and she needed a doctor to call back RIGHT AWAY!!! The doctor she wanted to speak with is very collected with a dry sense of humor. It's like he never finds anything amusing so when I gave him the call he started making jokes, bad ones even for a professional. A few minutes later he called back asking for the number again since "My fingers are crossed and I can't dial the phone right". I laughed my ass off.

With the local animal control we get calls involving wild life. One night around midnight I had a lady call and say she hit something near another town about 30 miles away. This is Montana so I was thinking, it's a deer or a moose. She goes on and on about how it's moving, it's alive and what does she do about it? Me being the professional I am do the whole "Can I get a name/number/location and I'll have someone call you" bit. She gave me a name and number, then said she thought she hit sasquatch (big foot). Riiiight.

I work across the street from a bar that's the local spot for college kids in the summer so the windows are open a lot at nights. Nothing is more amusing when I'm yelling at the phone after dealing with a retarded person, and having someone outside yell back.

I have more stories but those two make me laugh the most.

[Caramia]

Originally posted by Jazuela
Blah blah blah blah...

Welcome back Roberta, thought you weren't going to post here anymore.

For someone who's criticized GS and GMs on their customer service and the way they treat players, (often comparing it to your superlative skills used over in Inferno) why am I not surprised to find you hold a double standard in your own customer service role?

[Jazuela]

1) I stopped posting for a brief period and never actually left. When I decided to start posting again I couldn't get my account to work, even though the membership list still shows it as active. So I created a new account and have been posting as Jazuela for around a year now. Try to keep up, hm?

2) I haven't been involved in Inferno for almost three years. Again - try to keep up.

3) Obviously you didn't read my post following the first one in this thread that I wrote...or any of the part of the first post which said *clearly* that my customers love it when I joke around with them.

4) There's no double standard. I don't refuse service to customers I don't like. I don't kick people out of the store. I don't take their money for one thing and give them something else. I don't make promises to my customers that I'm not prepared to keep. I deliver the product in a timely fashion - under 3 minutes from the time they place the order, and ALWAYS deliver it with a smile and a thank you.

5) Buy yourself a clue.

[SpunGirl]

Geez, Caramia, lay off. She's clearly a bitter middle-aged woman (working at Burker King, no less). If all she gets out of the day is making fun of customers, pissing on GMs and google whoring, let her at least have that much.

-K

[peam]

BK. Have it your way.

Caramia sounds like she gots her lips wrapped a GMs dick. Christ.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

Dude, there are some GMs hot enough to do that to.

-K

ROFL

- Arkans

[Kainen]

Ok WTF is Google whoring?

[SpunGirl]

Just go check any thread where someone has a medical question, a legal question, a political question... you'll find a 1000+ word post in the thread from Jazuela which she clearly ripped off some site that google threw at her. Either that or she's a lawyer, doctor, politician, sexuality expert, public relations expert, etc, etc, etc. All while working at BK, no less.

-K

[Edited on 2-18-2005 by SpunGirl]

[Kainen]

Thank you Spun.. that exaplained it perfectly :lol:

[Caramia]

Originally posted by Jazuela
1) I stopped posting for a brief period and never actually left. When I decided to start posting again I couldn't get my account to work, even though the membership list still shows it as active. So I created a new account and have been posting as Jazuela for around a year now. Try to keep up, hm?

Ah, so much for the I'm not posting anymore, goodbye scene you made back then. Guess you haven't been posting where I normally read or your posts have been mostly forgetable.


2) I haven't been involved in Inferno for almost three years. Again - try to keep up.

How about you actually try reading a post? I didn't say you were still there, I'm well aware of your departure and the reasons why you're no longer at Inferno.


3) Obviously you didn't read my post following the first one in this thread that I wrote...or any of the part of the first post which said *clearly* that my customers love it when I joke around with them.

I read them alright, that doesn't mean it excuses your comments to and actions toward customers, or in their presence, most of which are highly unprofessional and immature. You might "think" they enjoy them, but they're probably looking at you as some weird freak anomaly.


4) There's no double standard. I don't refuse service to customers I don't like. I don't kick people out of the store. I don't take their money for one thing and give them something else. I don't make promises to my customers that I'm not prepared to keep. I deliver the product in a timely fashion - under 3 minutes from the time they place the order, and ALWAYS deliver it with a smile and a thank you.

After you've verbally abused them or behaved like a moron, right. I was just highly amused about what I still consider to be your hypocrisy based on comments you've made here in the past.


5) Buy yourself a clue.

I'd be happy to do so. What's your address so I can send it to you?

[Edited on 2/19/2005 by Caramia]

[Caramia]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Geez, Caramia, lay off. She's clearly a bitter middle-aged woman (working at Burker King, no less). If all she gets out of the day is making fun of customers, pissing on GMs and google whoring, let her at least have that much.

-K

You're right Spun! How selfish of me to try and rain on her parade by pointing out the ways she's contradicted her past posts.

[Caramia]

Originally posted by Arkans
Caramia sounds like she gots her lips wrapped a GMs dick. Christ.

- Arkans

Considering how well I give head, that might be fun, but the problem is there are no attractive male GMs.

Except maybe Stealth. Taelrand, too. But they're both taken and I don't do homewrecking.

[Farquar]

I'm mid-level grunt in a big-city law firm. I get this call from the top brass at the Firm, letting me know we were to represent a business filing for bankruptcy protection who had decided to change counsel immediately. The deadline for the filing was about 72 hours away.

Deadlines in bankruptcies are pretty important. I spent 72 hours at work straight and my team (2 other lawyers plus 2 paralegals) got it out on time. The firm charges by the hour, but we dont get paid by the hour. Of course, clients pay for our meals and indicentals; since they forced us to pull such brutal hours, we made sure to order some nice meals, one of which was my $60 Kobe beef hamburger. Fries were extra, and I got em too, ha.

When it was done I went home, took a little nap, and four hours later, I was back at work.

There are sweatshops in NYC all right. I guess I shoulda known when people have showers and a weeks worth of clothes in their closet at work, and the Firm offers an on-site pressing and laundry service.

Edit: Total Bill for services rendered: close to $175,000.

[Edited on 2-19-2005 by Farquar]

[ThisOtherKingdom]

Originally posted by Jazuela
Just like the people who order their sandwiches and say "No onions!" and then order onion rings.

Or they could be ordering the sandwich with no onions for someone who isn't present, and getting the onion rings for themselves. Or vice versa.

Anyway, my funny work story is that I came in to work either drunk or hung over for an entire year and it never made a difference. Hooray!

[Miss X]

Originally posted by Caramia

Originally posted by Arkans
Caramia sounds like she gots her lips wrapped a GMs dick. Christ.

- Arkans

Considering how well I give head, that might be fun, but the problem is there are no attractive male GMs.

Except maybe Stealth. Taelrand, too. But they're both taken and I don't do homewrecking.

OMG no way! Emeradan is seriously cute!! :saint:

[Miss X]

As for funny work stories, I could probably write a book about all the funny patients I've met. If I have time later maybe I'll bore you all with tales of hot soldiers and crazy old men....... ;)

[SpunGirl]

I have another funny work story. This is from back when I worked at Forest Highlands in Flagstaff, when I was still in college.

One of our jobs was to maintain the lists of vendors and workers who were allowed into the residents' homes for things like cleaning, pest control, etc. Most of the people who had a regular maid left a standing order at the gate house for us to issue the maid the key regardless of whether or not they were currently in residence.

One day, we issued a regular maid a regular key. We knew the resident was up there, but didn't think anything of it - totally routine. About fifteen minutes after key issuance we got an IRATE AS HELL phone call from said resident demanding that we ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS CALL to inform someone who MAY be home that we are issuing the key, and that a vendor is on the way.

We agreed and wondered what had happened. The somewhat-shaken cleaning lady showed up a bit later and had explained that he was just angry because she had walked in on him in bed with someone who was not his wife.

There was another resident up there who used to always use his vacation home as a weekend getaway spot for him and his hos (mistresses, whatever). Eventually, the wife back in Phoenix must have spotted some weird patterns, because she called my boss and accused him of allowing his staff to utilize the home when they were away. She pointed to the increased utility bills on certain weekends as evidence.

However much he didn't want to give away the husband's secret, my boss was forced to show her the entrance/exit records for the property to prove that those weekends it had been her husband using the home, not someone else. I wonder what THAT conversation was like.

-K

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Farquar


Total Bill for services rendered: close to $175,000.



I thought bankruptcy meant you didn't have any money. This is why lawyering would infuriate me.

-K

[Myshel]

Spun you reminded me of a story. When I used to sell real estate I had a beautiful beach front property for sale, that was also a seasonal rental so it was furnished like something out of a magazine. The owners called me and asked if it was rented out because they wanted to fly in for the week and I said it was empty. They came in on a sat. night and went straight to the house, I didn't mention it to anyone because everyone had to go though me to get the key to show it. Another agent in our office had shown it the week before but nothing panned out. I got an irate call from the owners at 10 pm. saying that they got to the house and there was a car in front of it and they were frightened. So I said, call the police and I would be there in 10 min. I got there at the same time as the police and we all went in, all the lights were out except by the pool.. clothes everywhere and there was the other agent banging some girl in the jacuzzi. lol... he got fired to say the least, but watching them get out of the jacuzzi when all the lights came on and explaining to the girl it wasn't acutally his house was priceless. The people didn't press charges, but I think they were as amused as the cop and I.

[Farquar]

Originally posted by SpunGirl

Originally posted by Farquar


Total Bill for services rendered: close to $175,000.



I thought bankruptcy meant you didn't have any money. This is why lawyering would infuriate me.

-K

Bankruptcy in the corporate sense merely means that a company is insolvent, that is, they don't have enough liquid assets to cover forseeable expenses. Thats what happened to a lot of the .com businesses. Some of them were actually profitable when they went bankrupt, they just ran out of cash too quickly, couldn't pay their leases & suppliers, and were ultimately forced to close.

The company in question still had about 30 million in cash at the date of filing, but at their present revenue rate, would have been out of money in a month or so. Bankruptcy protection puts all the company's creditors on hold for a short time so the company can reorganize their business, sell of assets, etc.

If a company ends up folding anyway, the lawyers are always at the top of the "to be paid" list.

[longshot]

Jazuela, I do distinctly remember a multiple page rant about how nobody would hire you awhile back... the amount of crap you continue to smear onto these forums is truly amazing.

If there was a "Wizard" for the forums, I would highlight you in shit brown.

Myshel, that's an amazing story. I really liked it.

I have a lot of screwed up stories from teaching in Japan.
I remember reading flashcards, and this one kid had the new phones that could download movie clips. I'm trying to lead the class, and he's standing up there next to me playing a clip of this girl getting just POUNDED by this Japanese guy... the clip was only 10 or 15 seconds, but in the last two seconds, the girl would always scream out, "I'm coming! I'm coming!". Put that on repeat in front of around 30 9th graders, and you can only imagine.

So, I'm reading words like "house", and "thanksgiving"... and there's a 50 year old man chasing this kid around the class while every 10 seconds or so, all the guys in the class scream out in unison with the phone, "I'm coming!"...

One of my better classes...