Things Not To Say While Climaxing

[Toxicvixen]

I know this site has been brought up before, but its worth mentioning again.


College Humor (http://www.collegehumor.com/)


And for those of you who are too lazy or don't want to click the link Here you go!

Things Not To Say While Climaxing:

- Synergy!

- Why aren't you crying?

- No, but I love parts of you.

- Your turn.

- This was your last chance, and it's not going so well. Pull out, collect your stuff, and take care.

- Oh GOD! I guess I'm not gay after all!

- You're my first time.

- I hope you have a big place in your heart for children with Down's Syndrome!

- Shit, I got it all over the keyboard again.

- I think the condom broke.. psyche, I'm not even wearing one.

- Cigarette smoke contains over 143 toxic chemicals.

- Go go gadget sperm!

- MATT BOOR!

- Kazaam!

- Oh baby, I'm about to spew jizz out of my penis.

- Heyyyyy Macarena!

- Boy it's really jammed in there good.

- You can wake up now!

- I think I ate some bad chicken or something.

- "Least likely to get laid," my ass! Stupid year book awards!

- (in a Regis Philbin voice) And THATS my final answer.

- Aaaaaaand cut!

- We should get married.

- Hey, I remember that the Powell's were the second family on Charles in Charge but what the hell was the name of the first?

- Leggo my Eggo, bitch!

- I hope we tivo'd CSI: Miami

- I really like your vagina, especially because you let me fuck it in the back of my car while my step brother was driving.

- DING! Your tanks full.

- I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance!

- WWJD!

- By the power of Grayskull...

- I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared!

- Serenity now!

[Snapp]

Originally posted by Toxicvixen
- I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared!


JESSIE! YOU CAN'T SING TONIGHT!!!

/endzach

[Nakiro]

- (Heman type voice) I HAVE THE POOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!

[SpunGirl]

By the power of Grayskull, I am SHEEEERAAAAAAAA

I'm going to do that next time.

-K

[Volstock]

Are we there yet ?

[Shari]

-I hope we tivo'd CSI: Miami


.....


I think both myself and Scott have said something similar along these lines before. :(

[Stunseed]

< - I think the condom broke.. psyche, I'm not even wearing one. >

I'm evil for thinking it, but that's some funny shit. It'd be even better if someone yelled "Oh SNAP!" Chapelle style right after.

[Kainen]

:lol:

[Brattt8525]

Yelling out the wrong name :spaz: :rolleyes:

[4a6c1]

:rofl:

Dont do this: :::inhale balloon::: "follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road"

[Czeska]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
:rofl:

Dont do this: :::inhale balloon::: "follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road"

That made me almost spit my coffee out :lol:

[Caiylania]

"Man you've got some love handles........."

[Wezas]

"Most guys wouldn't like a girl as dirty as you - but it suits me fine"

[CrystalTears]

"Your mom called."

[Caiylania]

"Wow, that only took 2 minutes? New record!"

[Warriorbird]

"Luukos, Luukos, Luuuuukoooooosssss....."

[Wezas]

"I'm a Republican"

FUCKING PWNED BITCH!!!!!!1111111111

- Arkans

[AnticorRifling]

These feel like your sisters.

[Caiylania]

Dammit. I was gonna say..

"Your sister was better"

[DeV]

I prefer... :master:

[xtc]

What do you think Mom made for dinner tonigt?

FINALLY done! My XXX just kicked in! TIME TO LEVEL UP MY DARK ELF SORCERER!

- Arkans

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by xtc
What do you think Mom made for dinner tonigt?

We have a winner!

[Skeeter]

Originally posted by Snapp

Originally posted by Toxicvixen
- I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared!


JESSIE! YOU CAN'T SING TONIGHT!!!

/endzach


Excellent Saved by the bell reference.

also -

Is this your vagina or an old catchers mitt?

[Nakiro]

I haven't had sex this good since I was tested positive for HIV.

[Skeeter]

Oh Yeah! Workin' that prostate

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Skeeter
Oh Yeah! Workin' that prostate

::dies::

-K

[CrystalTears]

And to quote a great movie...

"I haven't been fucked like that since grade school."

The things that come out of that girl's mouth!

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Arkans
The things that come out of that girl's mouth!

- Arkans

:lol: I :heart: Arkans.

:D

- Arkans

[AnticorRifling]

Turn over so I can blow this on your back, looking at your face will only ruin it!

[xtc]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Turn over so I can blow this on your back, looking at your face will only ruin it!


As heard at Abu Ghurayb

[Jolena]

"It's like giving a tick tac to a whale!"

[Sean of the Thread]

I <3 collegehumor. It's a daily morning read for me, =)

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
"Luukos, Luukos, Luuuuukoooooosssss....."

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

[peam]

Originally posted by Snapp

Originally posted by Toxicvixen
- I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared!


JESSIE! YOU CAN'T SING TONIGHT!!!

/endzach

Caffeine pills are no joke.

[Ylena]

You have an ass like a ten year old boy.

[4a6c1]

You have an ass like my mother.

[Wezas]

"Alright, she's all yours, Chuck!"

"Hey! You kinda look like Wezas!"

- Arkans

[Alfster]

My friend used to do this with his girlfriend, she did not like it.

He'd yell, "Fire in the hole"

[Caiylania]

"POLICE! THIS IS A RAID!"

[DeV]

lol

- "9999999999 points of damage!"

- "Anyone cast undisease? Taking 50 per."

Me walking into the room, "Chase."

[Eiderfleur]

I cast Level. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a handsome bloke.

:lol:

"Oh yeah... oh yeah..."

...

::puts on my wizard robe and hat::

[crazymage]

I farted

check please

[4a6c1]

is it in yet?

[Geoff]

"Can we stop now? My warts are getting tingly..."

:barf:

[Darnell]

"Ever been to the neverland ranch?"

D

[Geoff]

"I forgot how much better this is than prison sex..."




[Edited on 2-15-2005 by Geoff]

[MPSorc]

I need you to say HAAARRRRR! for me

[Kainen]

HIHOO SILVER AWAAYYYY!!!!!

[Warriorbird]

I...think....all this....bouncing's...having an effect....on my...bladder.

[Artha]

"Alright guys, you can come out now."

[HarmNone]

Stop the cameras. Show's over.

[Sean]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
is it in yet?

I find it hard to believe anyone is climaxing while saying this...

[Asha]

Open your eyes, bitch!!
Feel the sting!!

:bouncy:

[Drew2]

Originally posted by Artha
"Alright guys, you can come out now."


ROFL.

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Tijay

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
is it in yet?

I find it hard to believe anyone is climaxing while saying this...

Thats why its the best. ;)

[AnticorRifling]

It's just like mom described it.

[crazymage]

Manning would say, I wish you were tom brady!

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by crazymage
Manning would say, I wish you were tom brady!

And Sergey would say " I wish you were tom brady!

[CrystalTears]

Daddy was better.

[crazymage]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Daddy was better.

hot!!

[Killer Kitten]

'I think we should see other people.'

or

'If you want me to fake it, that's an extra 50.'

[Edited on 2-15-2005 by Killer Kitten]

[Beer Goddess]

"Your mother atleast swallows."

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Beer Goddess
"Your mother atleast swallows."

What a way to start posting! :lol: Nice one!

[Beer Goddess]

Originally posted by CrystalTears

Originally posted by Beer Goddess
"Your mother atleast swallows."

What a way to start posting! :lol: Nice one!

Well I try. :lol:

And another one.

"No father, I will not do confession now."

[DeV]

Let me get you out of those handcuffs now.

[CrystalTears]

Kitty no! That's my pot pie!

[crazymage]

What the hell was that!

[Ylena]

No soup for you!

[Wezas]

"This is my Oh face. OH! OH!"

[Kainen]

Wow, the ceiling needs to be painted, baddly.

[Skeeter]

You're post-op right? I can usually tell.

[Ylena]

You know, you look a lot better from behind.

[4a6c1]

OH John! I mean Phil! I mean Tom! Jeff? Ryan?

.....

What was your name again?

[Toxicvixen]

:lol: I :heart: JihnasSpirit.

OH! *looks at the back of hand where name is written* Andrew!

No normal guy would care if a girl forgot his name during sex.

- Arkans

[Keller]

Originally posted by Arkans
No normal guy would care if a girl forgot his name during sex.

- Arkans

Is she hot?

[Killer Kitten]

'Wow, I never saw it come out green before.'

[Keller]

Did I beat you?

I WON, I WON, I WON!!!@@!@@

[Back]

Call me Batman! Call me Batman!!

[Skeeter]

Give me a straw so I can suck it back out.

[peam]

Did I ever tell you about my days on the piers of San Francisco?

[Ylena]

Uh...uh...uh...uh, okay, you can turn the light back on. Oh, and the bag can come off now, too.

HAHAHA YOU GOT PWNED BY A 50 DOLLAR DARE BITCH!

- Arkans

[Ylena]

Do you take Amex?

[Killer Kitten]

Eleven weeks after we tied the knot, my first husband disappeared off the face of the earth. After he'd been gone a month with no joy from the police, the private detective, or the large network of friends that were searching I started telling people he had died. It was a LOT easier than explaining the whole 'vanished' thing and for all I knew it was true. (I had also gone through the grief stage of mourning and was WAY into the 'high pissoff' stage.)

A few months after that, I met Mike and we started dating. A few weeks into the relationship we both knew we'd met 'the one'. One night we were in bed drifting towards sleep and I said I had to confess something.

'Remember when I said my husband was dead? Well that wasn't completely accurate. He's only sort of dead.'

When I was telling Mike about this topic, he told me I should post that one. According to him, the last thing you want to hear from your lover is that her 6'2" leather-clad truck driver husband is only 'sorta dead'.

[Mistomeer]

Fuck, that burned.

It's okay, I TIVO'd Dora the Explorer for you, sugar.

I can't believe the chloroform wore off so quickly.

Can I leave the coffessional now?

Does the time we spent undressing count towards the total time?

[Artha]

FLYING DUTCHMAN

[Mistomeer]

No baby, it's called a Hitler, a Cleveland Steamer is completely different.

[Artha]

And that, honey, is what I like to call an Angry Dragon.

[Mistomeer]

From Somethingawful, "I know you think I'm a pedophile, but isn't that a pretty big word for an 8 year old?"

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by Artha
And that, honey, is what I like to call an Angry Dragon.

You're welcome.


and......


Quick put the crisco back in the pantry before your husband gets home.

[4a6c1]

ugh

Mistomeer, that one won the nastiness award. :barf:

I had a good one: *eye roll* "I should just do this by myself next time"

[Edited on 2-16-2005 by JihnasSpirit]

- "I wave my wand at your festering taint."

[Mistomeer]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
ugh

Mistomeer, that one won the nastiness award. :barf:

I had a good one: *eye roll* "I should just do this by myself next time"

[Edited on 2-16-2005 by JihnasSpirit]

lol. I win.

How about this,

It will be your turn next time, I promise.

[Mistomeer]

Or, The gerbil will come out on its own.

[crazymage]

ZzzzzzzzzzzzZ

[Nakiro]

I knew it! Sex is better as a wo/man! (acting like you had a sex chagne!

[4a6c1]

:spaz:

OH Michael! OH Michael! Fuck me Michael Jackson, FUCK ME!

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Skeeter
Give me a straw so I can suck it back out.

Thanks for that mental image that will gross me out all day long.

[Stunseed]

< Thanks for that mental image that will gross me out all day long. >

As many things we've posted about, Shrimpin' makes you sick? I thought you were tougher than that, Wezas.

[Latrinsorm]

I thought shrimping had to do with feet?

[Stunseed]

Negative. Shrimpin' is the use of a straw once done to suck it back into your mouth.

Crazy things people tell you in college.

[4a6c1]

yeah. college. sure. :yes:

[Fission]

"So, do you want a copy of the tape?"

:P

[Stunseed]

< yeah. college. sure. >

I'm telling you. College is where I learned what a Cleveland Steamer is, too. A couple of my friends had some taste bordering on bizarre, what's really great is one day I came home from work at midnight, and there's like 11 people in my dorm apartment critiquing Skini-max porn. One guy < who told us what shrimpin' was > was all "I can see his penis is taped down!!!!", in which case I promptly laughed, got a drink of rum and coke and went to bed. I woke up 7 hours later, and they are STILL watching porn.

Good times.

Boy, what we learn in college!

- Arkans

[xtc]

Originally posted by Stunseed
< yeah. college. sure. >

I'm telling you. College is where I learned what a Cleveland Steamer is, too. A couple of my friends had some taste bordering on bizarre, what's really great is one day I came home from work at midnight, and there's like 11 people in my dorm apartment critiquing Skini-max porn. One guy < who told us what shrimpin' was > was all "I can see his penis is taped down!!!!", in which case I promptly laughed, got a drink of rum and coke and went to bed. I woke up 7 hours later in the fetal position with blood from dripping from my rectum, and they are STILL watching porn.

Good times.

Sorry

[Divinity]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
- "I wave my wand at your festering taint."

FORT SAVE! ::squirts in the eye::

[SpunGirl]

Shrimping? I thought that was called felching.

-K, doesn't do gross stuff

[Skeeter]

but you do know proper terminology....hmmmm

correct me if I'm wrong on this, but I *think* it's felching if it's sucked out o the ass.

and shrimping out o the vagina

[Edited on 2-17-2005 by Skeeter]

[Kainen]

Either way it's gross.

If you combine the two, you get a funny looking soup that looks like the syrup you pour on IHOP pancakes. :shrug:

[Edited on 2-17-2005 by Stanley Burrell]

[Edaarin]

"In accordance with Megan's law, I'm obligated to inform you ... "

[Skeeter]

Originally posted by Kainen
Either way it's gross.


Isn't that the point of this thread?

[Kainen]

No.. the point of this thread was humorous things not to say while climaxing.

[Anebriated]

"I think I felt the baby kick"

[AnticorRifling]

Wow sex that bad makes me want to be gay.

[Volstock]

Day-o..oh Day-o...Day light cums and we wanna go home...Day light cums and we wanna go home

[xtc]

and in new lows in tastelessness.....


your fetus gives good head

[Apathy]

My mom was so wrong, that smells nothing like a flower.

[4a6c1]

Is this the part where I put in my fist?

[crazymage]

i told you not to tell anyone i said that jihna!

[Meos]

I think we could fit another penis in there next time.

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by crazymage
i told you not to tell anyone i said that jihna!

:rofl:

yesno

:saint:

Haha, you thought I was wearing a condom!!

- Arkans

[Arshwikk]

Your on birth control, right?

[Apathy]

Kinda like throwing a hotdog down a hallway huh?

[Skeeter]

Damn my scab broke open

[Wezas]

This is so much nicer - my last girlfriend was tight.

[Toxicvixen]

Can we hurry this up? I need to go check the boards! :lol:

[OreoElf]

Oh One name!

but they guy you're fucking is Another Name... :cheers:

[4a6c1]

You know you have a computer addiction when.....


Originally posted by Toxicvixen
Can we hurry this up? I need to go check the boards! :lol:

*sumpa idea. im staring a new thread for this.

[Edited on 2-22-2005 by JihnasSpirit]

[Skeeter]

Tell the dog he can quit licking my ass now.

[DeV]

And this is what I call a surprise creampie.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by OreoElf
Oh One name!

but they guy you're fucking is Another Name... :cheers: Man: Can I ask you something personal?
Woman: Sure.
Man: Um.. I don't want to pry.. but, who's Phil?
Woman: How do you know about Phil?
Man: Well, in the middle of it, you said his name, you know?
Woman: Oh, gee. I'm sorry.
Man: It's okay. Who is he?
Woman: Well, Phil's my old boyfriend. We broke up a couple weeks ago. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, really..
Man: Oh, no, no.. That's okay, I understand. I was just wondering, that's all. It's okay..
Woman: You mind if I ask you a personal question?
Man: Of course. Shoot.
Woman: Who's Terry? Right in the middle of everything, you said, "Terry."
Man: I'm Terry. Terry Forrester?

[Apathy]

Originally posted by OreoElf
Oh One name!

but they guy you're fucking is Another Name... :cheers:

:?:

[Ylena]

How are we going to get the gerbil out?

[4a6c1]

Finally! Now you can go to your girlfriends house.

[Myshel]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
Eleven weeks after we tied the knot, my first husband disappeared off the face of the earth. After he'd been gone a month with no joy from the police, the private detective, or the large network of friends that were searching I started telling people he had died. It was a LOT easier than explaining the whole 'vanished' thing and for all I knew it was true. (I had also gone through the grief stage of mourning and was WAY into the 'high pissoff' stage.)

A few months after that, I met Mike and we started dating. A few weeks into the relationship we both knew we'd met 'the one'. One night we were in bed drifting towards sleep and I said I had to confess something.

'Remember when I said my husband was dead? Well that wasn't completely accurate. He's only sort of dead.'

When I was telling Mike about this topic, he told me I should post that one. According to him, the last thing you want to hear from your lover is that her 6'2" leather-clad truck driver husband is only 'sorta dead'.

Did you ever find out what happened to the first husband?

oops

[Brattt8525]

Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.


Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?

Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.

I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.


I heard carpenters dream about you.

So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.


Is that an optical illusion?

If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.

Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?

Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?

Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.

You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.

I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.