Falling out of love

[The Cat In The Hat]

Is it possible to fall out of love with someone, and not have a clue really as to why? I mean, not be able to specifically pinpoint the when and why.

[crazymage]

Nope.

[HarmNone]

I think it's possible for two people to slowly grow apart without realizing exactly when the "apartness" caused the death of love.

[Snapp]

It's possible. It's happened to me in the past, and it was harder because there was no real reason. As HN said...it's more or less just growing apart.

[Jahira]

Yeah, it happened to me. I wouldn't call it love though. I had a nice long term relationship going into college, but when we got to college(the same one at that) we just started going our seperate ways.

[Ravenstorm]

Sure it is. Nothing constructive to add; just reinforcing the others.

Raven

[Nakiro]

Love is an action, not a state of mind. So yes, its possible to stop loving.

[4a6c1]

Yup. It happens. Change is natural. Life moves on so dont feel guilty about it.

[Tsa`ah]

It's all philosphy and perspective.

To quote J .. and badly.

If you fall out of love ... you were never in love.

It's more like the person you fell in love with is no longer the same person. You love the person you envisioned, but as time goes on, either you or the person or both change and that compatibility is no longer there.

If you loved the person, that means you knew everything about them. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the dark ... and it didn't matter.

Love is not something you can fall out of.

[4a6c1]

^True

Love is like a really weird bugbite that wont go away. You will notice it and its not just for the red swelling like usual. IT STICKS no matter what you do.

*...I cant spell this late. :sniffle:

[Edited on 2-1-2005 by JihnasSpirit]

[Warriorbird]

Potentially. Alternately, you have unaddressed problems.

[Brattt8525]

If you were in love, no. If you merely loved them, yes.

[Nieninque]

Love Schmove

[Xcalibur]

Love is just a matter of instinctive selection. Women taking the best mate for themselves, the most powerful, the most likely to give her good genes, et cetera.

[Jenisi]

I'm going to have to disagree X.

[HarmNone]

As I see it, in the early stages love is like a seed. If the soil in which it's planted contains the proper nutrients, it will thrive. However, if the composition of the soil changes somewhere along the way, it may become an environment not suited for continued growth.

Most people fall in love, for the first time, when they're fairly young. As we grow older and have more varied experience with life, and living it, we change. We are not the same people we were, perhaps, when love first bloomed. Sometimes, the changes that take place in one or both parties make the two people incompatible. This isn't anybody's fault. It's just a part of being human.

Although I don't believe that this means two people were never in love, there is also the need to realize that lasting love takes work and commitment. Getting through the rough patches can put a real strain on even the best of relationships. If the changes that accompany the maturation process are profound enough, a once loving couple may find themselves to be virtual strangers no longer able to maintain a loving relationship, especially during difficult times.

Everyone goes into a life-sharing relationship with high expectations. Provided the maturation process doesn't result in one person, or both people, becoming an individual with whom the other person might never have fallen in love in the first place, these expectations can be met with a bit of effort (sometimes, a lot of effort) on both parts. Yet, if they grow apart in their thinking, their expectations, and their dreams for tomorrow, they often can't find common ground, and love will eventually die. This happens most often when the two involved were pretty young at the beginning of their relationship.

I do believe it's possible for what is truly believed to be a true and lasting love to die a natural death due to such changes. To me, it doesn't mean you weren't in love. It just means one, or both, of you has changed profoundly.

HarmNone, with her Tuesday morning take on love, life, and disappoinments

[Jazuela]

I think what people are referring to here, isn't love at all. Infatuation, physical or mental attraction, certainly. But no, not love. Love doesn't distinguish between a mate and your mom, or the person you're sleeping with and a sunset.

You can't stop loving, because love isn't something that starts or stops. It just is. Either you love, or you don't love. You don't stop it or start it.

If you've "fallen out of love" with someone, then you have lost the passion, and became disenchanted with the loss of a fairy-tale kinda "happily ever after" expectation.

Love has very little to do with that. When you're very young and come to realize that your mom isn't the Queen of the World, do you stop loving her?

When you learn that the gorgeous sunset is caused by shifts of thickened air reflecting light from the sun, does it stop taking your breath away?

When the passion in a relationship ends, and leaves you with a comfortable, content feeling that lasts and makes you grateful to have this relationship, that's love. When the passion ends, and the relationship ends with it, that isn't love. It's passion. Passion is a good thing - but it ain't love.

[CrystalTears]

I agree with Jazuela. (eep! ;)) You love or you don't. I don't believe in falling out of love, just no longer feeling the passion you once had.

I still love all my past boyfriends and my exhusband. I loved them when we were together, I love them now. I just didn't connect with them enough to stay with them, or it just didn't work after a while.

One of my best friends who got a divorce from his "true love" says he'll never love again. In his fantasy life, he means passion. He would always say, "I'll never feel that falling in love feeling again." to which I would respond with, "Because we're not 12 anymore. Passion changes as you get older. Just find someone you love to grow old with." He wants the pitter-patter of heart flutters when he's with someone. He wants to be in a fairy tale, and he needs to get over it.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Xcalibur
Love is just a matter of instinctive selection. Women taking the best mate for themselves, the most powerful, the most likely to give her good genes, et cetera.

So your wife was having a bad day when she met you?

[DeV]

If it doesn't hurt when you fall out of it then it isn't love.

[Czeska]

Originally posted by Brattt8525
If you were in love, no. If you merely loved them, yes.

I was going to say just the opposite. "In love" is romantic love. "Real love" or what some call unconditional love, is lasting.

Those who believe you can't fall out of love and still have had it mean something, IMO have never experienced it. People *do* change.

[CrystalTears]

Sure people change, I just don't believe that you automatically stop loving them.

Not like them as a person, sure, but you still have love there for them. It's rather hard to explain. I don't "like" my ex, but I love him still.

[xtc]

Sorry I had to express the contrarian view....


Maybe science says we can fall out of love

"Is the love buzz just a chemical reaction? Recent science has proven that the answer is 'yes,' and one neurochemical is mainly responsible.....

Phenylethylamine gives us that euphoric high. That feel good. Everything is wonderful. This person can do no wrong. We've often times seen people who fall in love with somebody and ask 'are you blind?' Well, yes they really are blind....

.....slowly drops off it gets to the point at about four or five years that it actually becomes ineffective after that...."

http://health.discovery.com/convergence/scienceoflove/fallinginlove3.html

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
I still love all my past boyfriends and my exhusband. I loved them when we were together, I love them now. I just didn't connect with them enough to stay with them, or it just didn't work after a while.


I've found this to be true, too. After the hurt feelings of a relationship ending subside, I tend to realize that I still love my exes, even though I'm no longer in love with them.

Jorddyn

[SpunGirl]

You know how they say the opposite of love is apathy... if you find that you've stopped caring about someone - how they feel, what happens to them, if they're happy, sad, dead, whatever, then I'd say you've definitely fallen out of love. With exes, it can go either way - still loving them or caring for them but not wanting to be with them, or total apathy.

But yeah, sometimes it just doesn't work out. No big reason, no big blowup, it just wasn't meant to last or was only meant to last for so long.

-K

[Axhinde]

Originally posted by Xcalibur
Love is just a matter of instinctive selection. Women taking the best mate for themselves, the most powerful, the most likely to give her good genes, et cetera.

You mean natural selection, the instictive is just an implied portion. That's all theory anyways.

[SpunGirl]

X just wants to think that he was selected to father a child because of his superior genetic makeup. In all reality, booze probably had a lot more to do with it. Her booze. A lot of it.

-K

[StrayRogue]

Nah, he just knocked her up and thought, fuck.

[Killer Kitten]

I think the 'butterflies' part of love doesn't last. You know, the stage where you're goofy with love, where even the thought of the other person causes your guts to roll over with that painful feeling that is just SO pleasant.

Just as well that doesn't last, or most of us would be drooling idiots. Being head over heels in love is like being lightly stoned all the time. VERY nice, but not conducive to functioning at peak efficiency.

If the relationship is going to last, the butterfly part of it is replaced by 'real' love. 'Real' love is love for the long haul. It's not becoming repulsed when you wake up and see your partner drooling on their pillow. It's shared experience and shared laughter and not letting the bad times divide you. It's seeing your partner at their worst and loving them just as much as when you see them at their best.

It's getting home from work and your spirits being lifted at the sight of your partner's car already in the driveway. It's trying a new hair style with your long time partner in mind. It's when you experience something wonderful, and the first person you call is your partner, just because you know it will please them. And, believe it or not, it's the occasional butterfly when your partner of many years calls you up and says, 'Pack an overnight bag for us, I have a surprise for you'.

The 'butterfly' part is more sexual attraction than love, and is often mistaken for being 'in love'. In a successful long term relationship that part eventually stops dominating your life, to be replaced with the steady certainty of long term love and absolute trust.

So, no, I don't think you fall out of love. I think you fall out of LUST, but I think that if the lust leads to love you will always retain feelings of love and caring for that person, even if the relationship does not prove to be strong enough to endure for a lifetime.

Kimm, convoluted as usual

[Czeska]

Originally posted by Killer Kitten
Being head over heels in love is like being lightly stoned all the time. VERY nice, but not conducive to functioning at peak efficiency.

:yeahthat:

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Sure people change, I just don't believe that you automatically stop loving them.

Not like them as a person, sure, but you still have love there for them. It's rather hard to explain. I don't "like" my ex, but I love him still.

I agree. While you might not still be in love with the person, there is still a lingering concern, a caring, that doesn't go away.

[Edited on 2-1-2005 by HarmNone]

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Jazuela
Love doesn't distinguish between a mate and your momYour love apparently doesn't. In terms of "profoundly care about", I'd say the two are indistinguishable, but the feelings I describe with the word "love" are certainly different.
You can't stop lovingThat I agree with.

I can draw phenylethylamine. :(

Killer Kitten, I don't at all mean this as an insult, but were you specifically trying to use gender-neutral language in your post? Just curious. :)

[CrystalTears]

So that it applies to any couple, any relationship, I'm guessing.

Mike is really gender specific. :D

[The Cat In The Hat]

[Edited on 2-2-2005 by The Cat In The Hat]

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Ok well here's the deal. We met in 1997, online>>

Mistake #1.

<<I was a high school drop out>>

Mistake #2.

<<I lost 80 pounds.>>

You were fat. Mistake #3.

<<We would have still been seperated and he would have seen his daughter anytime he wanted.>>

I notice it's not your collective daughter, but only his.

Note: No, I did not read the post/care.

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
<<Ok well here's the deal. We met in 1997, online>>

Mistake #1.

<<I was a high school drop out>>

Mistake #2.

<<I lost 80 pounds.>>

You were fat. Mistake #3.

<<We would have still been seperated and he would have seen his daughter anytime he wanted.>>

I notice it's not your collective daughter, but only his.

Note: No, I did not read the post/care.

There should be a minimum emotional maturity level requirement before you can post in certain threads.

:stfu:

[xtc]

Originally posted by TheRoseLady

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
<<Ok well here's the deal. We met in 1997, online>>

Mistake #1.

<<I was a high school drop out>>

Mistake #2.

<<I lost 80 pounds.>>

You were fat. Mistake #3.

<<We would have still been seperated and he would have seen his daughter anytime he wanted.>>

I notice it's not your collective daughter, but only his.

Note: No, I did not read the post/care.

There should be a minimum emotional maturity level requirement before you can post in certain threads.

:stfu:

Hey Bob is only in grade 9 what do you expect? lol

[Bobmuhthol]

<<There should be a minimum emotional maturity level requirement before you can post in certain threads.>>

There should be a maximum to how much you can quote that has nothing to do with your post. And that maximum should be 0 lines. What a waste of space.

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by xtc
[There should be a minimum emotional maturity level requirement before you can post in certain threads.

:stfu:

Hey Bob is only in grade 9 what do you expect? lol [/quote]

What is your point? To excuse rude and insensitive comments from some little jack ass because he's in ninth grade? You actually can rationalize that sort of commentary about something so close to Cat's heart that it's all okay because he's barely into high school?

This category isn't about Bob. He has a nasty habit of making sure that he gets attention when clearly he doesn't have enough threads revolving around him.

The thread needs to return to where it was, a nice exchange devoid of hostility.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<The thread needs to return to where it was, a nice exchange devoid of hostility.>>

You're not helping.

<<This category isn't about Bob. He has a nasty habit of making sure that he gets attention when clearly he doesn't have enough threads revolving around him.>>

So what you're saying is that you're fucking retarded and post about me in a thread not about me, then complain that people post about me in threads not about me.

<<What is your point? To excuse rude and insensitive comments from some little jack ass because he's in ninth grade?>>

If he's as cool as I think he is, his point was to never make anything of it in the first place. It's not a matter of you excusing something. You should just stfu is all.

<<You actually can rationalize that sort of commentary about something so close to Cat's heart that it's all okay because he's barely into high school?>>

It makes sense. The people who criticize me can do so without repercussion because of that same reason.


Gothique is pretty hot.

EDIT: No matter what happens, you will always FUCKING SUCK at quoting.

[Edited on 2-1-2005 by Bobmuhthol]

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Deleted because who gives a fuck, right?>>

I hope you're happy with the results, TheRoseLady. I can't wait to hear about how I'm still wrong and need attention when that edit is a blatant attempt at attention. Check out that sweet alliteration.

[CrystalTears]

Great. Thanks Bob. Cat just wanted help with her situation and you just had to be your usual self to cause her to remove her post. Much obliged for not changing.

[Edited on 2/1/2005 by CrystalTears]

[Bobmuhthol]

Maybe you missed my last four posts. Or can't read.

And maybe she should stop whining about it and just delete the post or live with it next time. Since when am I that influential that people have to start editing posts to remove the content but add in a little message talking about how much they suck at life whenever I say anything? If I'm so insignificant, it shouldn't matter.

[HarmNone]

There is a topic. Let's get back on it.

[CrystalTears]

Gothie, for what it's worth, you're doing the right thing for you. Don't mind what others say and do what you feel is best for you. Keep in mind that at least you tried to work it out, even when there was that "trickery" to make you change. It was a bit low, and yet you kept on working on it.

My ex was kinda like that. Doing one thing in life, even though he had hopes of more one day, and because he never wanted to sacrifice anything to make anything better, it was always going to be a status quo and I wasn't happy with that. I worked on it and ultimately I didn't feel it would be fair for either of us to force ourselves to work in a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.

You know where to find me if you want to talk. Just as long as you're all comfortable (eventually) with the decisions and that you can stay amicable with each other for the child's sake. Stay friendly with each other so that it doesn't affect her. Good luck sweetie. :hug2:

[Gan]

Hats off to you Cat for making a difference in your life. No one has that power except you.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
So that it applies to any couple, any relationship, I'm guessing.

Mike is really gender specific. :D

CT hit it on the nose, and thanks for the thumbs up on Mike. He's ALL guy, and, even better, he's MY guy!
Looooooove that man, even, naw make that especially, after all these years!

Kimm

[The Cat In The Hat]

Well, this is actually the first time I've EVER brought something personal to these or any other boards, and I simply will not make that mistake again. I wasn't looking for emotional support or critisism, I was looking for advice and providing a background for said advice.

Again, a mistake I won't make again.

Thanks to anyone whos name isn't Bobmuhthol.

And no, i wasn't stating how much I suck at life, aparently I don't suck at it since I'm going forward with it. Here, let me reedit it JUST for you.

[Edited on 2-2-2005 by The Cat In The Hat]

[4a6c1]

:spaz:

OMG DRAMA YAY

[Bobmuhthol]

AW CRY ABOUT IT WHY DON'T YOU.

[The Cat In The Hat]

Oh yeah... Ill get right on that. YOU make all the difference. I don't want to live!

Grow up Bobmuhthol, please.

[Bobmuhthol]

Originally posted by HarmNone
There is a topic. Let's get back on it.

[Stunseed]

< AW CRY ABOUT IT WHY DON'T YOU. >

Sounds fitting for you, Bob.

[Bobmuhthol]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol

Originally posted by HarmNone
There is a topic. Let's get back on it.

[Stunseed]

< No matter what happens, you will always FUCKING SUCK at quoting. >

Damn, today just isn't your day, Bob.

[DeV]

Bob, you're giving LOVE advice now? Whoa buddy, slow down. :drunk:

[Soulpieced]

Some people just take longer to grow up. As a freshman in high school, he still doesn't know shit about shit.

[Artha]

Originally posted by HarmNone
There is a topic. Let's get back on it.

Just in case you guys are wondering, Bob isn't the topic.

[Tsa`ah]

In case you're wondering, Bob was his usual shitcock self. When that happens people are going to comment on it.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Bob, you're giving LOVE advice now? Whoa buddy, slow down.>>

I don't remember that happening. Ever. So fuck you.

<<Some people just take longer to grow up. As a freshman in high school, he still doesn't know shit about shit.>>

Yeah, I'm sure the other freshmen are way more mature than I am. What was I thinking all these years?!?!?!? I wish I could be more like the normal kids. They're AWESOME.

<<Just in case you guys are wondering, Bob isn't the topic.>>

Seriously. At this point, the topic can fuck off. Not my problem anymore.

<<In case you're wondering, Bob was his usual shitcock self. When that happens people are going to comment on it.>>

And as a moderator, you shouldn't be condoning it. Skip the road and go across the jugular, please.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
<<Bob, you're giving LOVE advice now? Whoa buddy, slow down.>>

I don't remember that happening. Ever. So fuck you.
Seemed like it to me. And fuck you too.

On topic: Love is crazy.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Seemed like it to me.>>

You're more retarded than humanly possible, then.

Good quoting, though.

[Edited on 2-2-2005 by Bobmuhthol]

[DeV]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
<<Seemed like it to me.>>

You're more retarded than humanly possible, then.

Good quoting, though.

[Edited on 2-2-2005 by Bobmuhthol] I'll take that as a compliment, Bob. Must be from getting too much pussy.

[Bobmuhthol]

:wtf:

I did not edit that post tomorrow. Something is not correct!!

[4a6c1]

:popcorn2:

[Brattt8525]

On a related note about falling out of love/in love. I have found that I am much happier alone, sure the first few months were scattered with mixed feelings and the like. Now I am content with doing what I need to, putting my children to bed then settling into my evening of whatever I want to do.

I have had dates, thoughts about becoming serious again with someone but damn I just like my "me time" way too much. Maybe I am in the minority here but I have come to a place in my life that I am happier doing/going wherever I want when I want and with who I want. Now this could be due to the fact that since I was 19 years old I have been married twice and never really been alone. Anyway I am finding it harder and harder to actually enjoy time with anyone other then my kids lately, phase maybe? who the hell knows. I just know this, I am happy to NOT be in love or in any kind of a relationship right now. Others aren't happy about it but hell its time I did stuff for me and not for everyone else <other then my kids anyway>

[HarmNone]

Like you, Brattt, I'm perfectly happy without a significant other. If I want to go out with someone, I can do so, but it isn't mandatory for me to devote myself to someone else's comfort and happiness. I guess I've just gotten selfish in my old age, but I enjoy being free to do, and go, as I wish. :)

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Brattt8525
On a related note about falling out of love/in love. I have found that I am much happier alone, sure the first few months were scattered with mixed feelings and the like. Now I am content with doing what I need to, putting my children to bed then settling into my evening of whatever I want to do.

I guess I must be lucky, my husband and I just enjoy each other but we don't have to be doing the same things together all the time. I like the computer/ he likes to watch TV.

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship (that I can recall) where my time was dictated to me.

It must be liberating for you Tara, to actually just do what you want - I guess sometimes I take for granted what a great husband I have - and how comfortable my marriage is.. hopefully one day you'll find a good compromise of both.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by TheRoseLady
I guess I must be lucky, my husband and I just enjoy each other but we don't have to be doing the same things together all the time. I like the computer/ he likes to watch TV.

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship (that I can recall) where my time was dictated to me.

It must be liberating for you Tara, to actually just do what you want - I guess sometimes I take for granted what a great husband I have - and how comfortable my marriage is.. hopefully one day you'll find a good compromise of both.

My relationship with my fiance is the same way. Even though we love being with each other, we still like our times alone to do what we want to do. It's great to be in a relationship where there isn't any pressure to be together, it just comes naturally.

And I HAVE been in a relationship where my time was dictated to me. It's not pretty, especially when you want to do something else on your way home from work and he's calling you exactly at the time you should be home to make sure you're there. Ugh.

[Brattt8525]

And I HAVE been in a relationship where my time was dictated to me. It's not pretty, especially when you want to do something else on your way home from work and he's calling you exactly at the time you should be home to make sure you're there. Ugh.

CT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My first husband would not allow me to work, further my education or go anywhere without him. I spent 12 years living like that, I married him when I was 19 and he was 38 <first big mistake> I was immediately his cook housekeeper along with his mom and his 2 kids.

I at this point never wish to be married again, nor have a live in lover, I would rather date and have my home to myself. Maybe I have become too skeptical about love, or I am just to much of a push over who attracts controlling selfish type people. This is the first time in my life that I have been able to do what I want and only attend to the needs of my kids. Liberating is a perfect word.

I find it hard to believe that in life it is very rare to find a love between two people that is both about equal and satisfying. I do not think love really exists in the sense of what I want anyway.

I am sorry Jen. :sorry:

Sure you can fall out of love IMHO, like say, you're in love, but I do something really stupid and illegal, then you don't love that person anymore. You did love them, but because they self-proclaimed the inherent dumbassities from within, the love is naught.

I really hope this helps you.

Also drink *in moderation* when it's just too much to bare, sometimes you need that extra help to help you out. :heart:

[The Cat In The Hat]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
I am sorry Jen. :sorry:

Sure you can fall out of love IMHO, like say, you're in love, but I do something really stupid and illegal, then you don't love that person anymore. You did love them, but because they self-proclaimed the inherent dumbassities from within, the love is naught.

I really hope this helps you.

Also drink *in moderation* when it's just too much to bare, sometimes you need that extra help to help you out. :heart:

Funny you mention drink! It's nice to be able to go out with a friend, and not have to check in every 30 minutes. It's nice to go to a bar and just NOT care when you have to be home. Michelle however is a fucking lunatic so i think it's time to make another friend :lol: Ive only been here a week though, so I have time.

[Divinity]

Like it was said before, and I have to agree with, most people love the person they met during their honeymoon stage of the relationship.

Where everything is new and exciting, you keep your bodily functions hidden, you write poems and give flowers. Where every touch is something new and exciting.

I suppose for some, they begin to realize that they are not with the person they first met. So they hold on waiting for that person to come back.

The fortunate few that still have the people that they first met, and never changed, are those that have the lasting relationships. Where they actually were loving them and felt in love with them, not some infatuation and desire driving their hearts and emotions.

I only say this because I've been through it. It sucks waking up one day and the realization hits that you are in love with a person that's not going to return.

Women should obviously not go outside without a male escort. This guy definatly knew what he was talking about.

- Arkans

[Warriorbird]

Is it a bad sign that I don't worry about my wife cheating on me when she, "goes out with the girls" but I do worry about her drunken friends getting in a car wreck somewhere?

I think there's always growth, in successful relationships, and communication. I think it's also very possible that you just don't want to grow or communicate with some folks at a certain point. Why I'm glad I didn't marry the first few women I was with, longterm, or hell, proposed to.

I am glad I was the "dirty engagement breaker" either of those first two times, because they would've been divorces.

[The Cat In The Hat]

In my case, I grew up when our daughter was born, he didn't. That's a big reason I left.

[The Cat In The Hat]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
Is it a bad sign that I don't worry about my wife cheating on me when she, "goes out with the girls" but I do worry about her drunken friends getting in a car wreck somewhere?


I don't think so at all, you trust her and that's how relationships are supposed to be. If you can't trust them, you have nothing.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Warriorbird
Is it a bad sign that I don't worry about my wife cheating on me when she, "goes out with the girls" but I do worry about her drunken friends getting in a car wreck somewhere?

It's a good sign, because it means you trust her.

My fiance has gone out to the bar to see his friends and have a couple of drinks, or goes to the titty bars, and I don't mind. As long as he comes home to me, treats me as great as always, and continues to love me the way he does, I'm happy.

[Killer Kitten]

Change and growth are good and natural things. Mike certainly isn't the same guy I first fell in love with and married, but I'm not the girl he fell in love with either. We've both grown a great deal in our lives since we met. The great part is that we like each other even more than we did when we were 'intoxicated' with romance.

I'd trust him with anything, except locking a door, picking up his socks, turning off a light or rinsing the dishes before loading the dishwasher. There are some things he's just incapable of doing. <g> This stuff just adds to his charm. Who'd want somebody 'perfect'?

Kimm

[Caramia]

It's easy to convince yourself you're in love with someone, especially if you really just have a sexual attraction to a person and enjoy the intimacy (and reciprocity of intimacy) of a relationship. This generally isn't love, but instead something called limerance, the feeling of "being in love" instead of truly loving a person (which generally develops over time). When your infatuation with the person is gone, so's the limerance, and if there is no underlying love left to hold the relationship together, it just seems to come to an end.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<It's easy to convince yourself you're in love with someone, especially if you really just have a sexual attraction to a person and enjoy the intimacy (and reciprocity of intimacy) of a relationship. This generally isn't love>>

It's too bad that sexual attraction is, in fact, love, and that limerance is some word a psychology major made up to justify their wasted life.

[Warriorbird]

Eh. I don't think sexual attraction is love or love is sexual attraction. I think several celebrities and porn stars are sexually attractive. Doesn't mean I love them.

[Bobmuhthol]

Because you define love differently, much like just about everyone. By origin, though, sexual attraction is a type of love.

[Divinity]

I know you'll probably dispute this, but I don't see how the two things you just said make sense.


It's too bad that sexual attraction is, in fact, love, and that limerance is some word a psychology major made up to justify their wasted life.

and..


Because you define love differently, much like just about everyone. By origin, though, sexual attraction is a type of love.


So are you saying it is a type of love or that it IS love? :?:

[Bobmuhthol]

I didn't say love is sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is love. There's more than one definition of love. I don't even know how to explain it because it's such simple logic.

[HarmNone]

I think Bob is trying to make the distinction between romantic love and rational love. The two can exist together, or separately.

[Divinity]

Ahh okay, I can understand that Harmnone. I just wasn't sure if he meant both or what. Thank you.

[Caramia]

I don't believe sexual attraction is love or a kind of love, but I do think if you have a sexual attraction to someone you can either convince yourself you love them (even though you don't) or you can indeed fall in love with them and build a relationship (if there is more there to it than the sex). You'll need to have something in common when the sexual glamor wears off.

[peam]

I am sexually attracted to, in love with, Caramia's boobies.

[Edited on 2-9-2005 by peam]

[4a6c1]

I think rationalizing love is wrong. I also think its wrong to assume all types of people can experience all types of love. Sometimes, somewheres sex IS love and thats how sometypes like it. :D

[Brattt8525]

Sometimes, somewheres sex IS love and thats how sometypes like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love having sex? Love it is then!

[4a6c1]

Yes well. Things are better uncomplicated, hmm? Dont you think your life would be easier if all you cared about was a daily dose of penis? Just screw like a rabbit and quit making things hard on yourself.

:whistle:

~R - not into the 'does he love me nots'

[Stunseed]

< Just screw like a rabbit and quit making things hard on yourself. >

Great words to live by. :smilegrin:

[Jadewolff]

So to throw another one out there...what about online relationships? Not the purely RP ones but the ones where you're drawn and almost "in love" with a person you have never met. Could that be considered sexual attraction? If not, what is it? Is it a type of love?

I guess you can say if there is a picture involved, it could still be sexual attraction. But what if there's not one? Or what if you're drawn to someone in spite of their picture (some people are just NOT photogenic)?

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Jadewolff
Could that be considered sexual attraction?Yes.
Is it a type of love?Yes.

[Caramia]

Originally posted by Jadewolff
So to throw another one out there...what about online relationships? Not the purely RP ones but the ones where you're drawn and almost "in love" with a person you have never met. Could that be considered sexual attraction? If not, what is it? Is it a type of love?

I guess you can say if there is a picture involved, it could still be sexual attraction. But what if there's not one? Or what if you're drawn to someone in spite of their picture (some people are just NOT photogenic)?

More often than not it's filling a need for love, more than actual love itself, or a need for attention. Even perhaps a need to feel desired.

None of my lovers have ever been what I would call handsome, beautiful, or necessarily photogenic, and yet I fell in love with them because of their inner beauty -- which became an external beauty to me.

You can use surgery and makeup to make someone look awesome on the outside, but you can't fix up their personality with either. I don't select someone to be with based on their physical appearance.