Parents/Family

[GSLeloo]

How is it that your family can make a great day horrible within a few minutes? Example? Having a great birthday, brother shows up and starts being an ass and saying shit like "oh yeah you're gonna get fired from your job" and what do your parents do? Side with him and start picking at you.
Then it turns to college and as you are telling them your plans and where you want to go, they tell you no, that's a shit school, you can't go there. And no, you can't choose that profession because you won't make any money, just work in a corporation.
Yes, thank you family for in the space of minutes fucking over my birthday and making me doubt all the plans I had finally worked out for the future. Thanks.

[Halfsilver]

Woah, Leloo.

You can do whatever you set your mind to, and if your family says otherwise, then they are doing a damned bad job at being a family.

-grays/d

[Edited on 9-13-2003 by Halfsilver]

[Xcalibur]

Independance + "it's not the time to talk about it, end of discussion" + some macho genes = no problems with family

Some parents/family members are too familiar, seriously

[GSLeloo]

Maybe they just enjoy putting me down too much. Because nothing I ever do is good enough, right? I don't do drugs or go with my friends and do drugs with them therefore I am antisocial and lazy. I take off of work so I can STUDY and work on SCHOOL. And what do they do? Whine at me as if I'm so bad because my brother will work 11 hours a day. Yeah and he's also dumb as shit and drinks everything he can and smokes pot all the time to show how cool he is.
So someone tell me where the logic is... I do well in school, I put school as a priority, I stay away from drugs and alcohol and yet I am somehow not as good as my brother? And while everything he wants to do are "his dreams and shouldn't burst his bubble' they don't hesitate to burst mine.

[Xcalibur]

Yet drug people that FINALY get over it are heros..

Yet someone that ALWAYS refused to take any doesn't get any congrats

Welcome to life, seriously

Get some turtle shell over you, because you'll be disapointed VERY often

[Halfsilver]

Parents are SUPPOSED to encourage you and support you in what you want to do.

In my experience, they don't always do this. Don't rely on your parents to be an unconditional source of support (even though they are supposed to be, as they are responsible for your creation)

Don't let anyone set you back, not even close family, because sometimes, even they put you down and make you unsure without knowing that they are doing so.

Only one who can make things happen is you, so do what needs to be done, regardless of what people say. Only person who really knows what needs to be done is you, regardless of age.

They'll be proud of you in the end.

-grays/d(speaking from experience)

[GSLeloo]

I don't want to be a hero or praised. I want to be left the fuck alone. I have a dream? let me have it. Your parents aren't supposed to break your dreams.

[Artha]

Maybe you're over sensative. If nothing else, just tell them to STFU once in awhile.

[Caels]

I'll play parent. Even though I'm only 4 years years older than you, I feel 40 years older.

[Xcalibur]

Seriously
An advice, i'll repeat it

Don't overreact, get used to disapointment.

They burst your bubble, your futur husband will pisses you off, your boss, your friends, people are people.

Protect yourself with some little armor, some shell, some indifference

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

repeat it

Cause in the end, it's your face that'll reflect out of the mirror, not theirs

[GSLeloo]

Parents are supposed to be the people that support you... and yet everything I do they tell me I'm wrong. They say it's bad to do something and yet when I don't do it, they look down on me. I wanted to be a marine biologist, my dad said there are no jobs so I switched dreams, I went for zoology, same thing.. now I go to psychology and once again he tells me, nope, no jobs don't be it. So what am I supposed to be now? Does it even matter if I do a job that inspires me or should I just do what will be succesful?

[Weedmage Princess]

I don't know what to say, Leloo...except...hopefully you can get away from them for a lil bit and enjoy the rest of your day.

Sucks having someone bring you down on your birthday.

[Jack]

My parents said pretty much the same thing to me when I turned 18, and was deciding on a University to attend. It got to the point where I got tired of the crap, and Enlisted in the Marine Corps. Just do what you want to do, don't let anyone else run your life, and it will work out in the end.

-Jack

[Bestatte]

Welcome to life as an adult with living parents.

At 42, I'm still putting up with that kind of crap from mine, so don't feel alone.

Fortunately they don't even live in this state, since they're both Florida retirees. Mom loves to call and accuse me of forgetting she exists. It's one of her little segues into all the things she's done for me and how I don't appreciate it or try to do something with my life.

Granted, I'm not financially successful like she wanted me to be. And I didn't "do" something with my education. But I married a hell of a guy who puts up with my moods and loves me for who I am, we live in a pretty decent house in an amazing neighborhood on a gorgeous half-acre of land, I own my car - paid cash for it so no loans or payments..

I got over my druggie phase back in my 20's so I don't do any of that anymore, I drink maybe 1 pina colada a month so that isn't an issue, and I'm the only one in my entire extended family on both mom and dad's side who doesn't wear glasses.

I'd say I'm doing pretty well. If my parents think I'm failing them, well, that's their headache. I don't exist to succeed for them. If they thought that's what they were getting when they spawned me, they should've thought twice and reconsidered.

<shrugs>

[Betheny]

Love your parents, even if they are jackasses.

They'll be gone some day, and you WILL miss them, and regret many things you did or didn't do.

[GSLeloo]

I do love my parents, that's the problem. I love them so much and try to make them proud of me. I study my ass off to the point of wanting to scream just so I can do well for them. And I get A's and B's versus the F's my brother got. But it's not enough. I let them shape who I am rather than be my own person and I allow what they say to make me doubt myself.

[Artha]

Slash your brothers tires. Blame it on neighborhood pranksters.

[Betheny]

Originally posted by GSLeloo
I do love my parents, that's the problem. I love them so much and try to make them proud of me. I study my ass off to the point of wanting to scream just so I can do well for them. And I get A's and B's versus the F's my brother got. But it's not enough. I let them shape who I am rather than be my own person and I allow what they say to make me doubt myself.

You can only do what you can do. Don't worry about making t hem happy or proud or sad or angry. Do what you can do, to the best of your ability. Take pride in that. In the end, it will be enough. Don't ever believe that you're not enough.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by GSLeloo
I do love my parents, that's the problem. I love them so much and try to make them proud of me. I study my ass off to the point of wanting to scream just so I can do well for them. And I get A's and B's versus the F's my brother got. But it's not enough. I let them shape who I am rather than be my own person and I allow what they say to make me doubt myself.

Sweetheart, you can only be yourself. It sounds like you are doing a romping good job at that! Listen to them, sift the wheat from the chaff (parents talk chit too:D), and make your own decisions. If you want to be a marine biologist, then be one. Get your education and go after it. Do not ever let anyone tell you that you cannot do something, parent or otherwise. You can do whatever you wish to do, if you work hard enough for it.

Your parents will not live your life. You will live it. It is up to you, and your decision only, how that life will be lived. Good decisions on your part will bring reward. Bad decisions bear consequences. You will taste both.

Keep working hard, hon. Keep striving for your dreams. Never, never let anyone take them from you.

HarmNone is pulling for you all the way

[GSLeloo]

I think HarmNone is the best person to have as your mom. You just seem so nice and so like.. not like normal mothers. I try to tell my mom anything and she ends up nagging me for something that never happened.

I don't know what I want to do anymore, but I need to find that out.

[Camri]

Originally posted by GSLeloo
I do love my parents, that's the problem. I love them so much and try to make them proud of me. I study my ass off to the point of wanting to scream just so I can do well for them. And I get A's and B's versus the F's my brother got. But it's not enough. I let them shape who I am rather than be my own person and I allow what they say to make me doubt myself.

I used to get really pissed about that stuff too.

Now that I'm past it, I can see that they weren't really trying to bitch at me or put me down. They just wanted better for me, and they wanted me to want the best for myself. They pushed me (sometimes to hard) to reach as high as I possibly can. Maybe that's what your parents are doing.

Parents are just people too. Sometimes they aren't perfect, and they make bad decisons. Just believe they love you.

Don't take it to seriously, and enjoy everything they have to give you of themselves. They won't always be there, and you can't go back after what you missed when they're gone.

[HarmNone]

Here is a suggestion for you, LeLoo. Go to the local university or technical college and ask them about taking some aptitude tests to help you decide on a career path. They have all kinds of things to assist you in finding the right thing for you. Use them. That is what they are there for. Then, when you have some clear indication of where your interests lie and in what fields you might excel, you will have ammunition when you talk to your parents about what is to be YOUR future.

There are so many decisions to make, and so much ahead of you. This is a difficult time, but also a wonderful time. Make it count, hon.

HarmNone is proud of you

[GSLeloo]

Thank you for your help, once I figure out what college to go to I'll do that. I wish I could just figure out what i'm good at and what inspires me. Other than reading...

[Who me]

Leloo.... it's negative reinforcement-- my father did it to me....
The only advice I can give is just brush it off.... You go to school where you want, and you do what you want profession wise... or you'll never be happy. You'll live with regrets....
I listened to my father and didn't go to cooking school.... and now.... I totally regret it. I graduated college last year... and still wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my life.... I could study to become a pastry chef--- but then there's tons of money down the drain with a B.A in french that I'll never use.
Most likely after the fact.... they'll turn the tides and tell you they never said that... like my father did..... It's just what adults do...
Hang in there!

[HarmNone]

If there is a technical college near you, you really do not have to register there to take the tests. At least, here you do not. Give them a call and check with them, hon. If the tests are available to you, it will give you a wonderful head-start! :D

HarmNone loves being a mommy to anybody who wants one!

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by GSLeloo
I wish I could just figure out what i'm good at and what inspires me. Other than reading...

That is what these tests will do for you, hon. They will tell you what you are good at and where your interests lie. Sometimes, the two are the same. Other times, you might be led to something you never even thought about!

HarmNone