Spoon Theory

[Ravenstorm]

I got this from a friend's LJ and thought it was worth sharing. Perhaps it will open some eyes or give a little understanding to someone who might know someone with a chronic illness. Or even give someone with such an illness a link they can give others.

*Note, this doesn't apply to me.*

The Spoon Theory (http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/spoons.htm)

Raven

[Trinitis]

Good Read. :)

[Hulkein]

Yeah, I appreciated that, thanks.

Makes you feel lucky to have what ya got, that's for sure.

[HarmNone]

Thanks for posting that link, Raven. It was a great read, and really made me stop and think. :)

I take too much for granted, and since I suck at multi-tasking, I hope I don't get lupus.

[Jolena]

Thank you for posting that Ravenstorm. My mother has Lupus. She was diagnosed in 1991 and at the time they didn't know a whole lot about the disease and they gave her 3 years to live. Obviously she's lived much longer then that and I hope to have her around for many more years. There's no way to explain to you all however what it's like seeing her going from the vital, energetic, busy woman she was to what she's become now. It takes a lot of energy from her just as the woman in that story, to do simple tasks. I'm going to email that story to her, I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

[Fengus]

Oh this is sad, but not sad in cry about it, but sad as pathetic. My cousin has Lupus and is no where near so defeatist, as a matter of fact she's now had two children, works full time and leads an otherwise active life. How many spoons would that take I wonder, couple hundred?
I guess some people just have more spoons? Or their outlook is just completely different, quit savings spoons, and get on with what life you have. Quit feeling sorry for yourself maybe.


I think this story is intended to be an uplifting message just like all that depressing crap on Lifetime, but I don't believe this really happened. The friend responded too perfectly to the instruction for believability. For instance why would she want more spoons to start off with? Does she know the spoon to daily chores exchange rate? And what kind of resturant are they at where two people have 12 spoons on their table, and even if that did happen why is 12 some magic number for Lupus spoon parables. I call bullshit on the story despite its "unassailable message".

[Eiderfleur]

I, for one enjoyed the story, whether it be true or made up. A lot of people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone. I speak for myself here. And no she doesn't have a defeatist attitude, just that was her only way of describing what life was like for her.

She obviously gets on with her life, I find most people who have 'poor me' syndrome don't want to do anything, if this woman was one of those she would constantly bitch about her aches, pains, etc.

My mom went for years with seven slipped discs in her spine and never complained about the pain she was going through, there were times I would be startled from looking at her and seeing her lips had turned blue from the pain she was in, and only when I told her to take something for it would she remember to do so.

However, she had a friend whose first words from her lips when asked how she was doing was "ohhh the pain from this and that etc etc" she would constantly harp on about how much pain she was in, yet wouldn't think twice about doing things she wanted to. She just enjoyed the attention of people saying "ooooh poor you" to her all the time.

Anyway enough ranting from me.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I thought the story was interesting, but had a similar reaction as Fengus. Live life, stop feeling like the world owes you something. I know people who all they do is bitch about how hard they have it, when in reality it's no harder than anyone else. Everyone else just is adult about it and deals, moving on with life.

I will say though, if that story helps anyone, that's great. I just don't need that kind of motivation, I get it from within. Everyone is different, so more power to them.

[AnticorRifling]

I had a fellow Cpl in the Marines with Lupus and she kept on until they made her get out. STFU and live life.

[DeV]

MY 6th grade teacher had Lupus and she never once complained to us students about the everyday struggles. We could always tell that she was in some type of pain but she never voiced it and continued to teach us until she had to stop during the middle of the year. The Lupus became too much to bear but I'll always remember that she didn't want any sympathy for her illness and she was a great at what she did.

I also remember a girl named Rose from 2nd grade who had lukemia. She never complained of being in pain, having no hair and having to come to class wearing a wig everyday, being bent over from the operations or of being physically weak. One day she didn't come to class anymore and we later learned that she passed on through the night. Not everyone complains when they have an illness. Not everyone is looking for sympathy. It's hard enough for a person with an illness to be taken seriously and allowed to live life as a average person would.

In the end most people who are combating real illnesses in life do not complain to others especially people they don't know. They live life and if asked about their illness they'll tell you. Even if the story is a bunch of bullshit, it caused a reaction and made you think internally. Good read Raven.

[Tsa`ah]

I didn't get the feeling this person was bitching and complaining about her life, rather explaining what her life is like to those who can't understand it.

I believe her point was that a healthy person will never understand what it's like to live with an affliction to one's health. You'll never know what a diabetic, an HIV positive, a cancer survivor, a lupus patient, or anyone with an ailment goes through on a daily basis.

Sure, we may know someone, we may have lived with someone, we may be related with someone that has some affliction. We may have witnessed what they go through, but we don't understand.

It's rather like my conversation with Stan the other night. He asked me if it was weird that he was enjoying some bread with a fish type salad. I have no idea, I can't eat it. Well I can, but I'll have a reaction severe enough to warrant more than a few days in the hospital. Anytime someone asks me about sea-food and I tell them I'm severely allergic to the iodine content and can't eat it, they get blank in the face and say "I don't know how I would live without *blank*. It's no loss to me as I don't know what it's like to live with eating fish, nuts, seafood and the like.

While that's not really a life altering affliction it is similar in respects that a person able to eat seafood can't really contemplate what it would be like for such a thing to have the potential to kill you. They can't imagine not having seafood or brownies with walnuts. To me, it's normal as I understand the consequences involved.

The same can be said of those afflicted with Asthma. While may understand that there are things a person can't do with asthma, you'll never understand the panic of suffocation, the desire to play with the other kids and the best you can do is watch from the window. We have examples of people with Lupus, with Asthma, with Cancer, with diabetes, and a number of other things that, to the healthy, go through life without the complaint, but you'll never know what it takes for them to stand shoulder to shoulder with you and you not take notice. For you to recognize them and not the affliction they live with.

[Back]

I didn’t see that as pathetic, attention whoring, or a pity me story. Just a genuine attempt at an explaination is all.

Sure life is tough for everyone, but I’ll bet its tougher for people without the support which many of us are fortunate to have and take for granted.

[Fengus]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
...but we [you] don't understand.

...they get blank in the face and say "I don't know how I would live without *blank*. It's no loss to me as I don't know what it's like to live with eating fish, nuts, seafood and the like.



This is the part I don't like, I'm down with the realization that you can't judge or understand a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. But all this talk of never, and can't is just silly. Your dog can never understand, but humans certainly can.

The people that are saying they can't imagine are either stupid or are being considerate.
Its makes less of an impact to say this, than to be honest and say "fuck that sucks ass, I would miss juicy butter covered maine lobster and all you can eat atlantic blue crab Not to mention tasty dolphin flavored tuna sandwichs." Which is exactly what I would say cause I'm an honest asshole.


I understand perfectly what loss or the absense of something represents, as will most normal adults who have lived a basic life. To act like I can't understand this affliction is as pretentious as goths or other "misunderstood" youth groups that act like no one can understand their deep thoughts.

[Tsa`ah]

Originally posted by Fengus
This is the part I don't like, I'm down with the realization that you can't judge or understand a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. But all this talk of never, and can't is just silly. Your dog can never understand, but humans certainly can.

No, a human can't. A person observing only has the perspective of an observer. You will never understand the pain, the illness, the symptoms, nothing. You may comprehend, but you'll never understand. That's sort of like saying I understand what it's like to be an amputee, yet you have all of your limbs. You lack that understanding that only experience can give.


The people that are saying they can't imagine are either stupid or are being considerate.

No, they are being honest. Considerate would be not giving the illness such attention unless you really knew the afflicted person.


Its makes less of an impact to say this, than to be honest and say "fuck that sucks ass, I would miss juicy butter covered maine lobster and all you can eat atlantic blue crab Not to mention tasty dolphin flavored tuna sandwichs." Which is exactly what I would say cause I'm an honest asshole.

To someone with a severe allergy it wouldn't matter as the reaction makes even the smell putrid. So to me you're just saying you love to stuff your face with shit and you love it.


I understand perfectly what loss or the absense of something represents, as will most normal adults who have lived a basic life. To act like I can't understand this affliction is as pretentious as goths or other "misunderstood" youth groups that act like no one can understand their deep thoughts.

No, the two don't compare as your "goth" analogy pertains to differing reaction to the same stimulus. You lack the understanding of affliction in that you have never experienced it. Where as you have probably experienced everything to some degree that a "goth" has, yet your reaction differs.

Not a good comparison.

[Edited on 1-18-2005 by Tsa`ah]

[Hulkein]

Gotta agree with Tsa`ah here.

You can't fully understand some illnesses etc unless you are afflicted.

[Jolena]

Odd, I too never saw the story as her whining and moaning about her life. In fact, her friend asked her what it was like point blank, and when the woman tried to be flippant her friend pursued and so she decided to give her what she wanted, an honest explanation. If say, the woman had just out of the blue said you know what? I'm in pain, this is how it feels, etc. then yeah I could see the reasoning behind her being whiney. :shrug:

On another note, no you can't understand what it feels like to take chemotherapy, be without limbs, have Lupus, etc. And just because someone doesn't complain about it doesn't mean they don't feel the pain and go through the trials.

My mother never complains about her illness. EVER. I notice her issues though because I've known her all my life. I see the small differences that she gallantly tries to pretend are nothing, I notice that she doesn't clean as much as she used to, that she loses feeling in her fingers and drops things constantly, that she forgets things on a regular basis and carries around a small tape-recorder to keep notes for herself so she can remember things, I notice the rashes on her face and how swollen her joints are and I notice that she seems much less energetic then before.

Having been through cancer I've seen a lot of women going through much more rigorous therapies then I did and although I can imagine what they've felt and experienced I can't pretend to truly understand because I've not had that same type of therapy. I can however understand what someone goes through with the type of chemotherapy that I had done. It's really pretty egotistical to say otherwise. Sympathy is one thing, saying you understand it is another.