Help Lartonsom

[Latrinsorm]

two of my neuroses are battling, help me out fam.

on the one hand, it turns out i can open a bottle pretty easily with my keys, and i'm cheap, so i don't want to buy a bottle opener.

on the other hand, my keys are almost certainly unclean, and i'm very big on hygiene, so i don't want them touching a drinking vessel.

[Gelston]

I thought most wine coolers were twist tops.

[Wrathbringer]

I thought most wine coolers were twist tops.

Hahahahahahaha

[Fallen]

'the fuck is wrong with you?

[cwolff]

The spelling of your name on this post gives one the impression that the keys are getting it done.

[Tisket]

Clearly the answer is to boil your keys for three minutes before using them to open the bottle.

[Orthin]

if you smoke just use a lighter

[Parkbandit]

'the fuck is wrong with you?

Seriously.

This.

x ∞

[tacos]

http://s1.dlnws.com/files/uploads/taco-drinking-a-beer.jpg

[Erous]

I chose the @$#$ is wrong with you option. Because who gives a shit as long as you can open the good damn bottle!

Side note: I hope it's a decent beer and not some shitty Poland spring or Mexican coke.

[Parkbandit]

I chose the @$#$ is wrong with you option. Because who gives a shit as long as you can open the good damn bottle!

Side note: I hope it's a decent beer and not some shitty Poland spring or Mexican coke.

No way it's beer.

I'm guessing:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BiXwSGBIMAAggLu.jpg

[tacos]

http://rlv.zcache.com/taco_bout_awesome_bottle_opener-rc5a4b855c6f24e8ba7c0f517a483a97d_z84df_324.jpg

[RichardCranium]

if you smoke just use a lighter

He smokes the reefer.

[rolfard]

Tacocat backwards is tacocat

[Methais]

I thought most wine coolers were twist tops.

https://i.imgur.com/aiiU77e.gif

[Latrinsorm]

Clearly the answer is to boil your keys for three minutes before using them to open the bottle.I considered that (albeit with rubbing alcohol because that's how I clean my keys) but it seemed excessive. Another community to whom I posed this question brought up a good alternative: use a spare key. I'm probably gonna go with that in the future.
I chose the @$#$ is wrong with you option. Because who gives a shit as long as you can open the good damn bottle! Side note: I hope it's a decent beer and not some shitty Poland spring or Mexican coke.It is a Dogfish Namaste White:

https://www.dogfish.com/files/media/styles/beer_style/public/beer/namb.jpg?itok=XXybQUM3

I think it's pretty good. Light, crisp.
No way it's beer. I'm guessing:I don't get the reference. Does anyone else?

[Soulance]

Go to some kind of even fair or conference and get a free bottle opener from one of the vendors passing them out.

[Wrathbringer]

You...clean your keys?

[Tisket]

I considered that (albeit with rubbing alcohol because that's how I clean my keys) but it seemed excessive.

I considered suggesting alcohol however, you clearly stated that you were cheap. Nothing cheaper than boiled tap water.

[Tisket]

You...clean your keys?

It's...Latrinsorm?

Of course he cleans his keys.

[Latrinsorm]

You...clean your keys?You don't?!? T_T
I considered suggesting alcohol however, you clearly stated that you were cheap. Nothing cheaper than boiled tap water.Ah, but does it not cost money to bring water to a boil? I'll admit with great shame that I haven't calculated the precise cost of fuel/electricity to do so, but the cost of time alone is I think significant given how cheap rubbing alcohol is.

[Tisket]

You don't?!? T_TAh, but does it not cost money to bring water to a boil? I'll admit with great shame that I haven't calculated the precise cost of fuel/electricity to do so, but the cost of time alone is I think significant given how cheap rubbing alcohol is.

Ah but have you factored in the cost of going to the store to buy the alcohol? Gas ain't cheap.

[Gelston]

Boil it for free using magnifying glass and the sun.

[hello]

Key Sheath

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/XPfQrqU9V-Q/maxresdefault.jpg
http://www.crimsonhides.com/uploads/9/0/6/6/9066200/72910_orig.jpg
http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyqprdNQel1qbkun0o2_500.jpg
http://internetsiao.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/key-keeper-key-sleeve-1.jpg

[Tisket]

Boil it for free using magnifying glass and the sun.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

[Methais]

You...clean your keys?

With a mop.

[Latrinsorm]

Ah but have you factored in the cost of going to the store to buy the alcohol? Gas ain't cheap.No but I did calculate the cost in gas dollars of going to the mall vs. going to a somewhat more distant Burger King once. It turns out the $1.50 nuggets are an overpowering savings.
Boil it for free using magnifying glass and the sun.I don't own a bottle opener and you think I own a magnifying glass. Classic James P. "Gelly" Gelston (Ret.).

[RichardCranium]

I don't own a bottle opener and you think I own a magnifying glass. Classic James P. "Gelly" Gelston (Ret.).

I'd bet good money you own a monocle.

[Allereli]

I'd bet good money you own a monocle.

pocket watch, too

[drauz]

You could also just open it with a lighter.

[Latrinsorm]

I own none of those three.

[Parkbandit]

Use your two front teeth.