Hard Decision.

[Ben]

Alright this is probably going to make me look like an ass and whitetrash as hell and everyone hate me, but everyone already hates me so I don't care.



I had been seeing a girl for a couple months, i liked her alot, then we broke up for 2 weeks. then we got back together and she confessed she had kissed a guy who i hate while we were were fighting. so i hit her. then we both cried and shit and made up. but now my roommate told me that my girlfriend had kissed a guy at a bar WHILE we were going out and she didnt tell me for a month because she didnt want me to flip out and because she and my girlfriend were friends at the time. but my roommate also hates my girlfriend now and had lied about her kissing the guy in the first place and about other shit. and when i confronted my girlfriend about it she swore on her daughters life that it never happend, but i am leaning more towards believing my roommate. who should i trust?

[Edited on 12-19-2004 by Ben]

[Miss X]

go with your gut instinct, it's usually correct. Just please please please don't go hitting anyone over it though, you probably need some kind of anger managemet or you need to learn to deal with normal life situations without getting violent. I mean, if you hit her for kissing a guy while you were in the broken up stage, I'd be seriously worried about what you would do if she had kissed someone while you were together.

[Ben]

I'm in love with her now by the way.

[Nieninque]

The black eye do it for you?

[Ben]

oh yeah, try to keep the smart ass comments to a minimum

[Parkbandit]

You give white trash a bad name Ben. Maybe after you are done beating your girlfriend.. you can go out front and take your truck off the cement blocks.

[Delirium]

If you wanted real advice you should have left out the part of how you hit a girl. Or added a part where you burned a pit of puppies, kitties and babies if you were looking for the reaction. My opinion is listen to the friend over the girlfriend unless he has some agenda.

*edit* haha guess i stopped reading fully when i saw the girl hit line. I guess id believe the girlfriend but be weary of other such things in the future.

[Edited on 12-19-2004 by Delirium]

[Brattt8525]

The only advice you need is to go seek help. Hitting anyone much less a woman you say you love, eludes to deeper issues then whether she kissed someone.

[Mistomeer]

Maybe she swore she didn't cause she wasn't in the mood to get her ass kicked. Maybe you should trying hitting her daughter to get some info out of her.

[Parkbandit]

LMAO.. pwned by Mistomeer.

Fucker.. I actually spit up coffee when I read that. Now I have to change my shirt.

[theotherjohn]

Hard decision?

It is easy.

You can not love her. How can you love anyone you would hit?

Your roommate should have told you when it happend.


You are still a little boy and until you mature you are not ready for any relationship

[Kainen]

I have no advice for you.. but some for her.. and that's regardless of why you hit her she should walk out that door.

PS.. I DO have advice for you.. get some kind of counseling, find someone you can talk to or whatever it is that you need to do to keep from hitting women you "love".

[DeV]

What everyone else has already said. Hitting someone you claim to be in love with is crazy as hell. How can you expect that love to be reciprocated and know that its true when she is probably wondering about the next time you'll hit her if she says/does the wrong thing.

You need to trust your own instinct and not try not to become a "wife-beater".

[Latrinsorm]

Trust in love, or break off the relationship.

You already know how to fix what's wrong with you.

[HarmNone]

Ben, this isn't really something people can advise you about. We don't know your girlfriend, or your roommate, or anything about the situation. We don't even know you all that well.

If you're hitting people over things they have done in the past, you have some anger issues that really need to be dealt with. Until you have dealt with that, little that any of us might say can help you.

[Skeeter]

You hit a girl over kissing another guy? a kiss? not being turned into fingercuffs by your two best friends. not fellating your dead grandfather, a drunken kiss in a bar. nice.

maybe you should hook up with the crazy bitch who cuts fetusi <sp?> out of people. sounds like you 2 would make a great couple.

:no:

[Mistomeer]

I kissed my sweetie with my fist.

[Fallen]

Well, I cannot say as I am surprised by the responses here. I am, however, still disappointed. Ben isn't a good person. He is a bad person ... a very bad person. Bad people can STILL do good things. Is there any harm in atleast attempting to pointing him in the right direction? Sure, this is a pretty easy set-up to take (legitimate) shots at him, but what the fuck good does that do? Does it make you feel better? It certainly does absolutely nothing to help the situation.

Ben, you know damn well your an overly violent person. Your views on the world at large aside, you seem like you know you should not have struck the female, especially if you care for her. You need to look into counceling. Probably group counciling. I mean that in all honesty. You need to show her you know that was wrong, EVEN if she acts like its not an issue anymore. I am no expert, but I am far too familiar with this type of situation than I should be. You know hitting that female was wrong, it can be seen from your demeanor in the orginal post. If she fucks you over, leave the bitch. She isn't worth your time.


As for the specifics of your current situation, I suppose it would depend on your level of trust in all the parties involved. Obviously, they should be justifiably low in your girlfriend because it appears you know for certain she kissed a guy once behind your back. You also know that your roomate AT BEST was witholding information from you. That I would also see as an untrustworthy act. This is a losing situation, Ben. No advice given here is going to make you pop out on top. DTA, they are all liars.


Evarin's Player

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Fallen
Well, I cannot say as I am surprised by the responses here. I am, however, still disappointed. Ben isn't a good person. He is a bad person ... a very bad person. Bad people can STILL do good things. Is there any harm in atleast attempting to pointing him in the right direction? Sure, this is a pretty easy set-up to take (legitimate) shots at him, but what the fuck good does that do? Does it make you feel better? It certainly does absolutely nothing to help the situation.

Ben, you know damn well your an overly violent person. Your views on the world at large aside, you seem like you know you should not have struck the female, especially if you care for her. You need to look into counceling. Probably group counciling. I mean that in all honesty. You need to show her you know that was wrong, EVEN if she acts like its not an issue anymore. I am no expert, but I am far too familiar with this type of situation than I should be. You know hitting that female was wrong, it can be seen from your demeanor in the orginal post. If she fucks you over, leave the bitch. She isn't worth your time.


As for the specifics of your current situation, I suppose it would depend on your level of trust in all the parties involved. Obviously, they should be justifiably low in your girlfriend because it appears you know for certain she kissed a guy once behind your back. You also know that your roomate AT BEST was witholding information from you. That I would also see as an untrustworthy act. This is a losing situation, Ben. No advice given here is going to make you pop out on top. DTA, they are all liars.


Evarin's Player

If you honestly believe that he posted here looking for sincere advice on his violence or his dilemma, I am afraid I have credited you with more sense than you are likely to possess.

Nothing that anyone says on the Players Corner is going to make him more/less likely to go home and beat his partner.

If you think otherwise, I worry about you.

[Doughboy]

hitting women = bitch

I promised myself I'd never answer one of your threads, but anyway, beat the shit out of inanimate, non-living object next time...

Or hopefully, there won't be a next time.

[Ben]

this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.

[Jeru]

Just hit her again and lose the bitch.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Ben
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.

You knew it was wrong before you hit her :duh:

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Please. It's not like he's going to take an anger management class or something. Lets not attempt to bend him to what polite society wants, because face it, it isn't happening. He's just coming here looking for a little sympathy because his nazi hate monger friends would think less of him for admiting he gives a shit about this woman.

The only advice I have is for your beat up woman -- I hope she cuts your dick off.

[Parkbandit]

Tayvin wins with the Bobbit reference.

[Edited on 12-19-2004 by Parkbandit]

[Fallen]

this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.>>

Not a problem, Ben.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Fallen
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.>>

Not a problem, Ben.

Oh to have that life changing advice giving ability...

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Fallen
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.>>

Not a problem, Ben.

I have a little problem with what you said Fallen.. I don't like to mention this because of the reaction I get (I don't need people feeling sorry for me or making smart ass remarks on how I deserved it cuz I am a bitch ect) but my ex-husband thought he could take his hands to me.. it happened twice.. the second time I fought back and planted a fist to his jaw. He never did it again, but that didn't mean I didn't live with the knowledge that he did it once and he would most likely do it again. I meant what I said.. she SHOULD get out now.. while it's only once. No matter how good, bad, or indifferant a man seems.. once he hits a woman, it's likely he'll do it again. I didn't call him names or say what a bad person I thought he was.. I suggested that he find help.. whether it be a friend to talk to or professional help. No woman, deserves to be hit, unless they swing first, or do something truely evil, and kissing another guy, while wrong, is not truely evil.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Ben
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.

Also worth mentioning that just because you dont like what someone has to say, doesnt make it any less "honest advice"

[Eiderfleur]

Originally posted by Kainen

Originally posted by Fallen
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.>>

Not a problem, Ben.

I have a little problem with what you said Fallen.. I don't like to mention this because of the reaction I get (I don't need people feeling sorry for me or making smart ass remarks on how I deserved it cuz I am a bitch ect) but my ex-husband thought he could take his hands to me.. it happened twice.. the second time I fought back and planted a fist to his jaw. He never did it again, but that didn't mean I didn't live with the knowledge that he did it once and he would most likely do it again. I meant what I said.. she SHOULD get out now.. while it's only once. No matter how good, bad, or indifferant a man seems.. once he hits a woman, it's likely he'll do it again. I didn't call him names or say what a bad person I thought he was.. I suggested that he find help.. whether it be a friend to talk to or professional help. No woman, deserves to be hit, unless they swing first, or do something truely evil, and kissing another guy, while wrong, is not truely evil.

Thing I don't get is......
Didn't Ben say she kissed this bloke while they had split up?

Not really funny, but reminds me of that Friends Episode where Ross keeps saying WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!1111

Thing is you two had split up.... What happened while you weren't together is none of your damned business she can go fuck someone for all it matters you WERE NOT TOGETHER!!!

Get over it. If you loved her so much then you shouldn't have let her go.

As for hitting her, I think that is the lowest thing you can do, Domestic violence does exist, and I say domestic violence because there are men who also get beaten up by their wives/girlfriends etc etc (you may laugh but it does happen).

I think you need some kind of counselling and anger management courses. Even then I really don't think you deserve to be with this woman. She deserves someone who she KNOWS won't turn violent and beat her, even though he apologises afterwards and they both sit and cry about it.

After the nth time its kinda hard to believe you when you say "Oh I'm sorry baby It'll never happen again, I Love you."

BULLSHIT!!! You don't know what love is.


As for believing your gf or your roomate, if your friend was such a good friend she/he would have told you about her snogging someone else right away, why is she/he telling you now, what do they have to get out of you dumping your girl?

Things to think about eh?

Tough situation you are in, man. I suggest going with who you honestly believe is right. You have to be leaning towards someone. Best of luck to you.

- Arkans

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
Tough situation you are in, man. I suggest going with who you honestly believe is right. You have to be leaning towards someone. Best of luck to you.

- Arkans

Lean towards them...dont swing for them

I think we can all agree that hitting women is wrong. The very idea is sickening in my mind and if I saw Ben doing that, I'd probably go to fists with him over it.

The thing is, it was not really the most important part of his question that he was asking and I he does admit that he knows what he did is wrong. Preeching to him is not going to lead us anywhere nor will it him.

- Arkans

[Fallen]

Also worth mentioning that just because you dont like what someone has to say, doesnt make it any less "honest advice" >>

Yep, he should be commending the people telling him to have his dick sawed off for giving useful advice.

I could share my sob stories too and talk about abuse in my family, but I don't see the point. I do not have statistics and hard data to support repeat offenders in domestic violence. I believe most of that information will be skewed anyway. Any logical arguments one can make could be equally supported with facts.

The situation is what it is. You can either tell the guy to get some help, try to work with the female so that it doesn't happen again. Or, you can swear at him. I just see one as fairly more constructive than the other.

Fallen = Correct

- Arkans

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
I think we can all agree that hitting women is wrong. The very idea is sickening in my mind and if I saw Ben doing that, I'd probably go to fists with him over it.

The thing is, it was not really the most important part of his question that he was asking and I he does admit that he knows what he did is wrong. Preeching to him is not going to lead us anywhere nor will it him.

- Arkans

1) Well, he knew it was wrong (a) before he posted it here and, (b) before he did it.

2) He also knows what people here are like so really has no grounds to say (OH NOEZ I DIN WAN YOU TO ME ALL MEAN).

3) regardless of what he thought was the important part of his question, other people are highly likely to pull something more important from it. Dont like that? Dont post.

5) What happened to (4)?

4) Oh there it is....

[Tsa`ah]

My advice goes hand in hand with SHM's ...

... To your girl, take a bat and beat the shit out of him while he sleeps.

Go for the knee caps first. That will wake him up instantly and slow him down enough for you to get a shot in with the sweet spot against his fucking head.

That'll knock him out cold.

Spread his legs and try for the home run. It may take a few swings, but eventually you'll get the arc going.

From there ... tie him up truncate the teenie weenie, pinch it off with some tweezers, shove a cold curling iron up his ass, plug it in and leave.

Call one of his cave man friends so they can help him out.

Take picture ... post them.

1. He knew it was wrong..point being? How does tearing into him help him with advice to remedy the situation he does not want to be in?

2. Agreed, but I still fail how it is constructive. He also has a right to complain about it as much as you have to be a dick to him.

3. I think and the topic and question determines the central point. Of course you can pick it apart anyway you want, but that still doesn't mean it will be of any use. Help the man I say, why be a dick?

5. Who the fuck cares?

4. Fuck you, four.

- Arkans

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Fallen
Also worth mentioning that just because you dont like what someone has to say, doesnt make it any less "honest advice" >>

Yep, he should be commending the people telling him to have his dick sawed off for giving useful advice.

I could share my sob stories too and talk about abuse in my family, but I don't see the point.


Precisely.
Something goes wrong in your life...do something about it.
Do something wrong in your life...take responsibility for it and change the way you act in particular circumstances.
Post on a Message Board saying "I used to stick my dick in a blender but I dont do it any more" and expect congratulations for not doing something stupid any more, and learn to live with the comments of people who see you for what you are.

p.s...It is saddening (though not unexpected) that the person that Arkans comes out with sympathy and honest advice for is a right winger who confesses to beating up his girlfriend.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
How does tearing into him help him with advice to remedy the situation he does not want to be in?

Domestic Violence is not an act of omission. You have to actively do something to beat your partner. If he didnt want to be in that kind of a relationship....HE WOULDNT DO IT!

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Fallen
this isn't about whether i should hit her or not, i already know its wrong. and thanks to the people who gave me honest advice.>>

Not a problem, Ben.

Oh to have that life changing advice giving ability...

Heh. It appeared that Fallen had neglected to read all the posts that did offer, virtually, the same advice he offered.

There will always be some who respond vociferously to those who resort to violence in situations like this. It's a given. However, don't just ignore those who posted constructively, as though you were the only one with the decency to do so.:P

Saddening? Neininque, please take a time to read other posts. Rarely, if ever, do I slam people that ask for honest advice. Unless what they do is some boneheaded and are asking for boneheaded advice, I will not rip into them. Sorry people with ideals different than yours are not worth your time, but I guess that is just how you leftist "celebrate tolerance and diversity". Fair enough.

- Arkans

[Brattt8525]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
My advice goes hand in hand with SHM's ...

... To your girl, take a bat and beat the shit out of him while he sleeps.

Go for the knee caps first. That will wake him up instantly and slow him down enough for you to get a shot in with the sweet spot against his fucking head.

That'll knock him out cold.

Spread his legs and try for the home run. It may take a few swings, but eventually you'll get the arc going.

From there ... tie him up truncate the teenie weenie, pinch it off with some tweezers, shove a cold curling iron up his ass, plug it in and leave.

Call one of his cave man friends so they can help him out.

Good advice to the female in this situation. To those who are saying the insults against Ben are uncalled for, you are intitled to that thought of course, but if he didn't want bad remarks he should have left out the part where he hit his G/F.
Take picture ... post them.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
Saddening? Neininque, please take a time to read other posts. Rarely, if ever, do I slam people that ask for honest advice. Unless what they do is some boneheaded and are asking for boneheaded advice, I will not rip into them. Sorry people with ideals different than yours are not worth your time, but I guess that is just how you leftist "celebrate tolerance and diversity". Fair enough.

- Arkans

I condemn anything that involves violence towards other people

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Arkans
How does tearing into him help him with advice to remedy the situation he does not want to be in?

Domestic Violence is not an act of omission. You have to actively do something to beat your partner. If he didnt want to be in that kind of a relationship....HE WOULDNT DO IT!

I agree, but I do not believe that tearing into his problem is something that is constructive right now. It will not remedy the situation at all.

- Arkans

I condemn anything that involves violence towards other people

I hope you don't do anything to the man that breaks into your house and tries to rape your daughter. Let her suffer.

- Arkans

[Fallen]

Heh. It appeared that Fallen had neglected to read all the posts that did offer, virtually, the same advice he offered.

There will always be some who respond vociferously to those who resort to violence in situations like this. It's a given. However, don't just ignore those who posted constructively, as though you were the only one with the decency to do so. >>

Harmnone, must we argue semantics? Are you trying to derail this thread with your personal slight towards me?

Obviously, my comments were directed at the MULTIPLE posts simply swearing at Ben. I dont feel the need to hold people's hands and highlight every single post before mine, specifically pointing to the ones I am not refering to.

[Back]

I say if she fucks up again, just kill the bitch.

[HarmNone]

In that case, Fallen, it might have been more clear had you referred to "some" posts.

Additionally, I have no personal issue with you. I don't even know you.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans

I condemn anything that involves violence towards other people

I hope you don't do anything to the man that breaks into your house and tries to rape your daughter. Let her suffer.

- Arkans

You're an idiot

I'm not the one that said it, Neininque. Either stop being an extremist or live by your own rules. Sorry.

- Arkans

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
I'm not the one that said it, Neininque. Either stop being an extremist or live by your own rules. Sorry.

- Arkans

I condemn anyone trying to hurt me and my family/people that I care about...or indeed anyone else come to that.

Defending yourself and others (i.e. family) is different from being an agressor.

If you cant see that, then you are every bit as stupid as I said you are.

That is completely different from what you said. I'd avoid speaking in absolutes.

- Arkans

[Back]

:club:

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
That is completely different from what you said. I'd avoid speaking in absolutes.

- Arkans

And for you, I'd advise trying to avoid speaking....

If that is the best you can come up with to dig yourself out of the idiot hole you dug yourself in, then you really need help.

- Arkans

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
If that is the best you can come up with to dig yourself out of the idiot hole you dug yourself in, then you really need help.

- Arkans

OK...to sum up...

Ben: Do I stick wiv my bird...I beat her up once already.
Me: You suck.
You: Give the man a break...he R trying hard.
Me: Arkans you R an donkey
You: You R a gurl. Hush you dun know nuffink

Jeez, you really have a hard time at being good at life. Damn. Not only that, but you lack reading comprehension and get what you want out of a post. This usually is the sign of a narrow view point, but I guess you are entitled to that. Not everyone can understand basic English, but that is okay.

Anyway, I'll be less agressive. Sorry I made you look like an idiot, I'll show restraint next time.

- Arkans

[Snapp]

Originally posted by Arkans
Sorry I made you look like an idiot
Nah, I think you both came out on top on who looks like an idiot.

I think Jesus disagrees with you.

- Arkans

[Back]

Two things.

One. There is no reason to hit a chick, unless she comes at you like that.

Two. If she is cheating on you she isn’t worth your time.

Wise up, Ben.

[Ben]

you guys have obviously never been in a relationship with half these posts.

[Back]

Actually, I think its you who have never been in a long term relationship. Sok. Has to happen sometime. But think about it. You just told a chick, who has cheated on you, that you love her. Doh?

[Back]

And quit reading Nietzsche. Einstien was much smarter. So was Marx.

[Ben]

Originally posted by Backlash
But think about it. You just told a chick, who has cheated on you, that you love her. Doh?


I am in love with her. that doesn't just go away in a second. i sit up at night and think about what shes doing and feel like i'm going to throw up i've drunk myself into oblivion time and time again, cried, lied awake, cursed her out etc. i told everyone i hated her, but she shows up and i cant not let her in.

[Back]

Dude. Cry all you want. She wont change.

[Tsa`ah]

Be sure to remind me to tell my wife that we haven't had a relationship since we were practically sperm.

Here's the thing. A cheater is a cheater. If they do it once, they'll do it again.

You cannot change anyone, believing that ... someone shoot me please ... makes you a co-dependant.

No one can fill that gap in your life but yourself. You don't love her, she does not love you.

If love were in the equation, physical abuse would not be.

Ben needs to figure out what the fuck is wrong with Ben and why Ben picks chicks that are going to screw around on him. Ben needs to reassess his life, put his priorities in order, and move on in a direction that is best for Ben.

Here's a hint ... white power is not it.

[Edaarin]

In the end, it doesn't really matter what sort of advice everyone gives you. When it comes to life-altering decisions, it really boils down to what you think is best for you. What a bunch of people think shouldn't change your point of view; if you're going to change your opinion it will likely be because of someone close to you whose advice you sought.

Regardless of whether you make the "right" decision or not, you're going to be the one who lives with it, not us. So in the end, all you can really do is weigh each side and pick the one that you think will lead to the best outcome, and if it turns out not to be the best outcome learn from it.

Good luck whatever it is you end up doing.

[Sean]

What honest advice was he expecting to get out of this thread? He gave us some subjective information based on people who have no clue about. Person A saying believe your girlfriend, Person B saying believe your roommate, whatever. Neither are anymore correct than the other. Unless hes going to tally up the Roommate votes vs the Girlfriend votes and go with the majority I can't see what information he gains.

[Methais]

Originally posted by Ben
Alright this is probably going to make me look like an ass and whitetrash as hell and everyone hate me, but everyone already hates me so I don't care.



I had been seeing a girl for a couple months, i liked her alot, then we broke up for 2 weeks. then we got back together and she confessed she had kissed a guy who i hate while we were were fighting. so i hit her. then we both cried and shit and made up. but now my roommate told me that my girlfriend had kissed a guy at a bar WHILE we were going out and she didnt tell me for a month because she didnt want me to flip out and because she and my girlfriend were friends at the time. but my roommate also hates my girlfriend now and had lied about her kissing the guy in the first place and about other shit. and when i confronted my girlfriend about it she swore on her daughters life that it never happend, but i am leaning more towards believing my roommate. who should i trust?

By "kissed a guy while we were fighting", I'm assuming that means while you were broke up. Correct me if I'm wrong. Being "broken up" and "fighting" are two separate things.

That being said, you seem to realize that it was wrong to hit her. That's a good thing. Like someone said already, she can kiss/blow/take it up the ass from whoever she wants while you're broken up, just like you can nail any chick you want while you're broken up, since technically you're single.

As for who you should trust, you're kinda fucked as far as getting advice goes. Your roommate could have been completely full of shit and looking for a way to "get back" at your girlfriend by making it up, or perhaps she really truly didn't tell you earlier because her and your girlfriend were friends and figured "Well I don't give a shit if she gets pissed off at me for telling him now, since I hate the bitch anyway."

In a nutshell, coming here asking for advice isn't going to help anything, especially when nobody here knows you or the two other girls at all.

It boils down to who you really trust. Has your girlfriend ever lied to you before? Has your roommate? There's at least a couple things to consider:

1. Your girlfriend was honest enough to tell you that she kissed some other guy while you two were broke up, so that has to be good for something. She could have easily not told you and you'd probably never know about it.

2. Because you hit her for it last time, if she DID kiss some guy when you were back together, she'd probably be too scared to tell you about it.

3. Because you hit her for it last time, if she wanted to go out and get with some other guy, she'd probably (hopefully?) break up with you first (if she was smart) since she most likely thinks she'd get the shit kicked out of her if she did something behind your back again (even though the other time wasn't really behind your back since you were broke up, but you get the point).

It boils down to who you trust more, and nobody here can help you figure that out.

[Edited to add that I missed a line in Ben's post when I originally responded, and had to change my entire response because of it.]

[Edited on 12-20-2004 by Methais]

[Duel]

Why are you bothering to post here, Ben? You really expect help?

First of all, you're an admitted racist. In today's atmosphere, this is the equivalent of ultimate evil, or at least massive stupidity. Most people think racist, what has popular culture / public education imprinted upon them? Mean, ugly, ignorant, nasty, white trash, redneck, hick etc... People are just waiting to rip on you for any fault they find.

Then you confess a big fault. Hitting women, which is also currently a BIG deal. Reinforces the white trash and redneck element.

And you expect advice? And you expect the women and darker types to lay off you? Not gonna happen. People on this board devote significant percentages of their posts to making fun of gs4 retards, they aren't going to go easy on somebody they actually have a problem with.

oh yeah, try to keep the smart ass comments to a minimum

^

I'm out.

[Chadj]

<<Why are you bothering to post here, Ben? You really expect help? >>

He probably is looking for help and advice wherever he can get it. It seems to me like he is sort of at the end of the rope, confused, etc. Hitting a girl is DEFINATELY wrong, we all know that, and he does too. I'm sure most people here have felt the rage and hurt that you get when you feel someone you love has betrayed you in some way. We know Ben, and the type ofperson he is, so is it really surprising that he lashed out like that? It's wrong, but I can't say that I don't understand where he is coming from at least a tiny bit. The closest thing I can think of that I've personally done, is hit my brother. Sure, I love him, but on one or two occassions when he has done something that really hurt me, and I lashed out and smacked him, or choked him.

My suggestion, Ben, is to give her the benefit of the doubt. Having someone you love is hard to replace, and sometimes, impossible to replace. Do your best to keep the relationship alive, and get some anger management/ group therapy bud. That's the best advice that I can give.

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Fallen
Also worth mentioning that just because you dont like what someone has to say, doesnt make it any less "honest advice" >>

Yep, he should be commending the people telling him to have his dick sawed off for giving useful advice.



You obviously don't know Ben or have not read any of his posts over the past 2 years here. Since I have, he got the type of advice that I felt would have the biggest impact on him.

[Caramia]

You don't EVER hit a woman. Did it made you feel like a real man? A real man doesn't need to hit people to deal with his anger. Get some help before some woman wises up and has you arrested for assault.

[Chadj]

Originally posted by Caramia
You don't EVER hit a woman. Did it made you feel like a real man? A real man doesn't need to hit people to deal with his anger. Get some help before some woman wises up and has you arrested for assault.


Wow, you're retarded.

[Tsa`ah]

Originally posted by Chadj

Wow, you're retarded.

Is she now?

Perhaps you can elaborate, or perhaps you can stop with the ignorant post padding.

[Chadj]

She said the same thing as all the other posts said, and took the same position as 70%+ of the posts.

And for some reason, I really don't like it when people say stuff like: Did it made you feel like a real man?

Just a pet peeve.

[Caramia]

Originally posted by Chadj
She said the same thing as all the other posts said, and took the same position as 70%+ of the posts.

In many threads, you often agree and post the same comments as the majority as well, so that makes you absolutely no different than me. Besides, I'm allowed to have an opinion and express it, regardless of how many other people have said the same thing.


And for some reason, I really don't like it when people say stuff like: Did it made you feel like a real man?

Just a pet peeve.

Well boo-fucking-hoo. It's almost as stupid as calling people retarded just because you don't like them or their posts. Here's another cliche for you, dear -- grow the fuck up.

[Edited on 12/22/2004 by Caramia]

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Chadj
She said the same thing as all the other posts said, and took the same position as 70%+ of the posts.

Heaven forbid.
At least she:
a) offered an opinion.
b) made it worth reading.
c) didnt start off her post with "I cant be bothered to read through all this thread but..."
d) actually read what the thread was about.
e) showed many times more intelligence than you.


And for some reason, I really don't like it when people say stuff like: Did it made you feel like a real man?


It touches a nerve, would be my guess.

It was a valid point.
She was asking whether it validated his feelings of machoness when he hit someone more vulnerable than him. Again, relevant to the thread.

Somewhat more relevant than "OMG you are retarded."

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Chadj

We know Ben, and the type ofperson he is, so is it really surprising that he lashed out like that? It's wrong, but I can't say that I don't understand where he is coming from at least a tiny bit.

Maybe it isnt surprising that Ben did it. I have to say though, that with my hand on my heart, I can say I dont understand where he is coming from at all.

That you can can understand where he is coming from at all would give me the impression that you think there are times why violence against women is acceptable and that, in this case - at least "a tiny bit" - you think she deserved it.

Kinda depressing reading.
Long may you remain a single pimply virgin, if thats the thinking you will be taking into any relationship you may find yourself in.




My suggestion, Ben, is to give her the benefit of the doubt. Having someone you love is hard to replace, and sometimes, impossible to replace. Do your best to keep the relationship alive, and get some anger management/ group therapy bud. That's the best advice that I can give.

Touching. Male bonding at its best :barf:

[Ben]

we broke up

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Ben
we broke up

Smart girl

[HarmNone]

Maybe that's best, Ben. The baggage the two of you would carry with you after what happened wouldn't be easy to bear.

Take it as an opportunity to learn and grow. You know you've got a problem with anger management. This is your chance to do something about it. Then, later, when the right girl comes along for you, you won't have to worry about something like this happening again.

[Ben]

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Ben
we broke up

Smart girl

i dumped her, after i punished her for cheating on me.

[Amaron]

Originally posted by Ben

i dumped her, after i punished her for cheating on me.


Umm this just seems sooo wrong.
Get help.

[Wezas]

<too late to chime in, obviously, so I'll leave a quote>

"I'll never hit a woman. But I'll shake the shit out a bitch"

[Parkbandit]

I can't wait for your first lesson in man love when you get locked up. I can only hope that a large black man is your first.

Bring some KY.. you'll need it.

[Eiderfleur]

Originally posted by Ben

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Ben
we broke up

Smart girl

i dumped her, after i punished her for cheating on me.


I hope she phoned the police on you, sounds like you deserve to be someone's bitch for a short while and see what it feels like to be where your gf was while she was with you.

[Wezas]

I'm thinking it was more of an attention whore move. Most likely he didn't hit her a second time and he's just trying to work everyone up here.

http://www.digitalend.com/pics/attention_whore4.jpg

[Chadj]

.....
.....
.....

Wow.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Wezas
I'm thinking it was more of an attention whore move. Most likely he didn't hit her a second time and he's just trying to work everyone up here.



Thats what I thought when I read that

:jerkit:

[Brattt8525]

Wezas that picture is distrubing! Time to punish you :whipit:

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Chadj
.....
.....
.....

Wow.

No little titbits of advice?
No words of wisdom?
No little funnies you want to point out?

[Eiderfleur]

Originally posted by Nieninque

Originally posted by Chadj
.....
.....
.....

Wow.

No little titbits of advice?
No words of wisdom?
No little funnies you want to point out?


Shhhhh Enjoy the silence.
:P

[Caramia]

Perhaps people would have been more sympathetic, but maybe not, if Ben hadn't spent most of his posting lifetime making remarks designed to shock and disturb people. Half the time I wonder if the attention whore moniker that Wezas threw up here is close to the truth, the other half of the time I just feel sad for the waste. Ben's obviously got some intelligence, but it's unfortunately lost under a shell of hate, bigotry, and anger.

Harmnone and others are right. Now's a good time to get some professional help to deal with this, and other problems, so that when the right person comes along, this won't become a repeating history -- which I suspect it already is. Even if the right person doesn't come along tomorrow, you'd still be better off for the work you do on yourself.

Holy shit dude :stan: :kyle: :cartman: :kenny:

[Ben]

nah i didn't make it up, she says shes never gonna talk to me again until i get on medication and thinks i have bipolar disorder.

[Nieninque]

She doesnt just realise you are a wanker then?

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Caramia
Half the time I wonder if the attention whore moniker that Wezas threw up here is close to the truth

Reading that seems amusing when I look to the left of your post and see you staring at your own ta-ta's.

I Keeed, I keeed!

I just noticed them for the first time, Ah swear it...

...Mmm ta-ta's.

[xainthax]

I am not surprised by the lack of useful advice.

My experience has been that if you even have to ask whether to believe someone else over your girlfriend/wife, there are some other serious issues in your relationship.

Most of the time when men react violently in a dispute with a loved one it is because they feel overwealmingly hurt. You probably have some intimacy issues revolving around abandonment. My best guess is your parents are divorced, or you lost a loved one at a young age.

Now it's entirely possible that your girlfriend kissed someone else while you were dating. But thats not the real issue is it? It's the feeling caused by the thought of that. The thought that she might leave you for someone else, or that her love for you is so shallow that she feels she can kiss anyone else.

Regaurdless of whether or not she 'cheated' on you by kissing another guy, you need to discuss with her your feelings. Tell her what the thought of her kissing another guy makes you feel like.
Together you can decide what to do to make you feel more confident about your relationship

Xx

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by xainthax

Most of the time when men react violently in a dispute with a loved one it is because they feel overwealmingly hurt.


Thats bullshit.
Most of the time, when men react violently in a dispute with a loved one, its because they are violent bastards with control issues.

<snipped the remainder of the psychobabble>

[Ben]

Originally posted by xainthax
I am not surprised by the lack of useful advice.

My experience has been that if you even have to ask whether to believe someone else over your girlfriend/wife, there are some other serious issues in your relationship.

Most of the time when men react violently in a dispute with a loved one it is because they feel overwealmingly hurt. You probably have some intimacy issues revolving around abandonment. My best guess is your parents are divorced, or you lost a loved one at a young age.

Now it's entirely possible that your girlfriend kissed someone else while you were dating. But thats not the real issue is it? It's the feeling caused by the thought of that. The thought that she might leave you for someone else, or that her love for you is so shallow that she feels she can kiss anyone else.

Regaurdless of whether or not she 'cheated' on you by kissing another guy, you need to discuss with her your feelings. Tell her what the thought of her kissing another guy makes you feel like.
Together you can decide what to do to make you feel more confident about your relationship

Xx



that was suprisingly insightful, kudos to you

[xainthax]

Almost all violence stems from fear. People aren't born 'violent bastards with control issues,' something caused them to develop that way. This does not to excuse his violent behavior in the least. The first step to controlling ones violent tendancies is to understand them. This is my advice to him.

I have not read the entire thread. Only the first few posts.

Advice to his girlfriend, would be quite a bit different.

Xx

[AkMan]

Usually I've found the following 2 statements to be true:

Once a cheater always a cheater
Once a beater always a beater

I would say you two are perfect for each other, but no one deserves to be hit no matter what (except in cases of self defense).

How much time have you spent in jail Ben? I'm assuming the long gaps between your frequent posting is because you are in the clink. I'd be sure to have some KY with you all the time cuz I don't think big bubba is gonna lube you up first.

[Ben]

Originally posted by AkMan
How much time have you spent in jail Ben? I'm assuming the long gaps between your frequent posting is because you are in the clink. I'd be sure to have some KY with you all the time cuz I don't think big bubba is gonna lube you up first.






watch out dave chapelle

[AkMan]

Hey I'm not knocking it, if that's how you want to live your life more power to you. I know your are smart enough to tell right from wrong. One day you and your boys are gonna beat up on someone and they are gonna end up dead and you are facing 1st degree murder charges...I would think that's not the way you want to end up.

EDIT: My wife's brother is facing 20+ years in Washington State for murder. Basically they were burglarizing a place and he got whacked in the head by a baseball bat by the homeowner. His buddy then shot the homeowner and killed him. My wife's brother got convicted of 1st degree murder even though he was out cold when the dude died. He appealed to supreme court, got overturned but then got re-tried and re-convicted. You don't even have to do the deed, just be there committing a crime.

[Edited on 12-22-2004 by AkMan]

[Methais]

<<I can't wait for your first lesson in man love when you get locked up. I can only hope that a large black man is your first. >>

OMG you're saying that all the gay guys in jail are large and black OMG RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111oneleven

[Darnell]

Originally posted by Methais
<<I can't wait for your first lesson in man love when you get locked up. I can only hope that a large black man is your first. >>

OMG you're saying that all the gay guys in jail are large and black OMG RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111oneleven

roflmao........

D
"That's good stuff"

[Ravenstorm]

Originally posted by Methais
OMG you're saying that all the gay guys in jail are large and black OMG RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111oneleven

Actually, most of the guys in jail aren't gay. They just want to get off. Same sex behavior is very different from same sex attraction.

Raven

[Methais]

........

[Ben]

why does everyone assume i'm some criminal

[Ravenstorm]

I'll take a guess here and say it's because assault and battery is a criminal act?

Raven

[Edited on 12-23-2004 by Ravenstorm]

[Ben]

Originally posted by Ravenstorm
I'll take a guess here and say it's because assault and battery is a criminal act?

Raven

[Edited on 12-23-2004 by Ravenstorm]




it is???????????????????????

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Ben
why does everyone assume i'm some criminal

Let me explain this to you.. hitting someone is called assault and is against the law.. you broke the law hence, you are a criminal. That clear enough?

[DeV]

Originally posted by Ravenstorm

Originally posted by Methais
OMG you're saying that all the gay guys in jail are large and black OMG RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111oneleven

Actually, most of the guys in jail aren't gay. They just want to get off. Same sex behavior is very different from same sex attraction.

Raven ... and who's to say Bubba isn't some big white guy who wants to get his rocks off anyway. :grin:

[TheRoseLady]

The one thing I have to say is that people can change.

Just because you are violent doesn't mean you can't learn to control your impulses. I agree that it's more likely that a person once a wife beater, cheater etc will do so again, but to make blanket statements that the only people who believe in change are co-dependent is a bit out there.

Ben if you felt remorse for your actions after striking her, then I believe that you could learn to control those impulses and handle your anger and hurt in a more constructive manner. I hope for your own dignity that you find a girl that you can have a meaningful relationship with - but you really are the one who can control how you respond to situations.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by TheRoseLady
The one thing I have to say is that people can change.

Just because you are violent doesn't mean you can't learn to control your impulses. I agree that it's more likely that a person once a wife beater, cheater etc will do so again,

And will continue to do so unless a serious change occurs in their life. The whole "I know it was wrong and I'm sorry" thing isnt enough.

[Edited on 23-12-04 by Nieninque]

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Ben
why does everyone assume i'm some criminal

Perhaps because of the way you've presented yourself here, in the past, Ben. Those who espouse violence as a way of life are seen, by most, as criminals. Then, when you follow that image with something like this, it only adds to the perception of yourself you've created in others.

[Artha]

Let me explain this to you.. hitting someone is called assault

Actually it's battery.

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Artha

Let me explain this to you.. hitting someone is called assault

Actually it's battery.

Hmm.. I always thought that hitting someone was also assault. Maybe it's just because I hear the two together all the time.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Kainen

Hmm.. I always thought that hitting someone was also assault. Maybe it's just because I hear the two together all the time.

Assault - a threatened or attempted physical attack by someone who appears to be able to cause bodily harm if not stopped

Battery is when the attempt or threat is enacted.

An assault could be moving towards someone with clenched fists saying "I am going to hit you"



[Edited on 23-12-04 by Nieninque]

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Kainen

Originally posted by Artha

Let me explain this to you.. hitting someone is called assault

Actually it's battery.

Hmm.. I always thought that hitting someone was also assault. Maybe it's just because I hear the two together all the time.

[Jolena]

All I have to say to this is that from my own personal experience men who hit their girlfriend,wife, etc. "usually" do it again and again until the woman they are doing it to steps out of the situation and forces them to deal with the consequences of the actions. (ie. leaving them completely and letting them know in no uncertain terms that this behavior is NOT acceptable) As long as she continues to stay in the relationship she is basically telling him "hey it's okay to hit me, I'll forgive you" and that means she has issues as well as him.

[Ben]

maybe i'm just hot

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Jolena
All I have to say to this is that from my own personal experience men who hit their girlfriend,wife, etc. "usually" do it again and again until the woman they are doing it to steps out of the situation and forces them to deal with the consequences of the actions.


In actual fact, if you look at research around domestic violence, the most dangerous time is when women try to leave or have just left violent partners. It's not just as simple as leaving.

[Jolena]

Yeah I realize this Nein, having left myself. It's very scary and hard to handle however as long as you stay, it will continue. You have to make a choice, either you A) stay and continue to live in fear and get your ass beaten from time to time, possibly ending with him killing you in a fit of rage or B) you take the steps to leave and face what may or may not come from that. Pretty simple really when you think about it. Stay and know you are facing lifetime long beatings or leave and try to regain control. I'd pick the second one again if I were in that situation once more.

[Nieninque]

Yep. Me too.

Couldnt imaging living with someone who hit me. :no:

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Ben
maybe i'm just hot

Then who were the pictures you posted here of then?

:smilegrin:

[Nieninque]

PWND!!!111

[Ben]

Originally posted by Parkbandit

Originally posted by Ben
maybe i'm just hot

Then who were the pictures you posted here of then?

:smilegrin:



hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1