Okay Parents...

I had a pretty interesting conversation with my boss this morning before work started. See, we have a pretty laid back atmosphere so we usually just hang out and bullshit for a little while before he gives me the list of mundane activities for the day and today was a rather interesting debate topic.

He was pissed off that one of his older daughters didn't appreciate what he did or something. He was all like, "OMFG I R RIASED HER FOR HER ERLY YEERZ AND SHE OWEZ ME"

I was all like, "WTF d00d!!1 kidz DUn O sh!t!11" Anyway, I'm not a parent, so I want to know if I sounded like a fucking idiot arguing with him.

Do kids owe anything to their parents for raising them (driving them to school, buying clothes, helping out with bills, ect.) or is it sort of "expected".

Not like I ever had the closest family relationship with my parents, so I wouldn't exactly know, but what do YOU think?

- Arkans

[Mini-Spir]

If you bring a child into this world you're responsible for them for the first 18 years.

Having said that, if I was able to financially provide for my Mother I would do so. Not because I owe her but because... Its my Mother.

[theotherjohn]

Originally posted by Mini-Spir
If you bring a child into this world you're responsible for them for the first 18 years.



just recently becoming a father changed many of my thoughts on this

there is no time frame on how long I will feel responsible for my son Aidan

But does a child owe anything to the parents even at the expense of the child's future?

- Arkans

[drigore]

I have three daughters. They don't owe me a damn thing, and I'd never call them on that, even on a guilt trip. I owe them health, knowledge, morals, schooling, etc.
I also know that if it comes down to it, and I ask them for something important, they'd help however they could out of respect, not because they owe me something. I've explained to them before I'm their parent, and right now that's my job. We'll have plenty of time to be friends when they are older and can fathom a lot more of the world, and of me and my wife.
I've seen parnets pull the 'I raised them and spent money on them, they owe me such and such' before, and I think it's a complete cop out for them being lazy and manipultive in one form or another...but that's me.

[theotherjohn]

Originally posted by Arkans
But does a child owe anything to the parents even at the expense of the child's future?



no and a real parent would not want or expect anything from a child but love

hopefully more people would have the relationship that I have with my parents where as I became an adult I became more of a younger friend to my parents in addition to being a son. If that happens there is no issues such as you speak of

Well, as long as I didn't sound like a complete idiot talking to my boss :smilegrin:

- Arkans the Wise

[Eiderfleur]

My parents have provided for me for many years and still do. They pay towards my tuition at uni and have always helped me out no matter what. I have a very close relationship with my mom, she is my best friend and worst enemy at times and I can always go to her and know she will help me with whatever she can, however she knows I would do the same for her if she needed it.

Unfortunately I am not as close with my dad as I would like to be, after my brother's death my mom and I moved back from California to the UK and because of my dad's work I haven't been able to see him as much as I would have liked to so our relationship suffered a little, however he would still provide for me to the best of his abilities and always will.

[Kainen]

I have a 13 yr old son.. when you bring a child into the world YOU owe them, protection, shelter, food, clothing, and most of all love. The only thing I can see that a child would owe thier parents.. is respect. (and even then in some cases I can see how a child wouldnt respect thier parents) Like someone already said.. you never stop feeling responsible for them.. that is not to say that when my son is 18 he wont be getting a boot out the door hehe.

[Edited on 12-13-2004 by Kainen]

[Tsa`ah]

My kids didn't ask for existence, why would they owe me?

As an adult, I feel I owe my parents. Not because that is how they raised me, but because they raised me and made sacrificed doing so.

If my children feel they owe me as adults, I hope it is out of respect and admiration, and not because they believe I was running a tab on them.

So no, you weren't thinking anything unusual. The guy and child have issues with each other.

[Caiylania]

I don't think kids owe their parents. There is no debt, for the raising of a child.

Seems to be a lot of people who feel that way. I had many friends who wanted to head off into the world, and parents played the..... but we need you to stay and help with the buisness, or even single parents asking older children to give up a ton to help with younger siblings. That can be touch and go though, a single parent needs a lot of help.... but once your oldest is ready to move on...

Kiara will not owe me anything. The only thing I can think of, that would hurt if she didn't do it, would be to visit and stay a big part of our lives.

Even living thousands of miles away from my mom, with e-mail, aim, and normal mail, we were always there.

[Edited on 12-13-2004 by Caiylania]

[The Cat In The Hat]

When you have a child they're your responsibility for life. the first 18, yes you provide for them they don't owe you anything. After they're 18 and you shove them out into the world... if my 40 year old daughter comes to me (In 37 years...) and tells me she needs $10,000, it's hers no question. Just because they can and are trying to make it on their own doesn't mean they should have to. They are yours for LIFE.

[Trinitis]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
My kids didn't ask for existence, why would they owe me?

As an adult, I feel I owe my parents. Not because that is how they raised me, but because they raised me and made sacrificed doing so.

If my children feel they owe me as adults, I hope it is out of respect and admiration, and not because they believe I was running a tab on them.

So no, you weren't thinking anything unusual. The guy and child have issues with each other.

A tab huh?

My mother has kept a notebook with every red cent she's spent on me since I was 6 months old. Rent, food, clothing, school supplies..

She uses it as a guilt thing. God it pisses me off.

More updated information. The guy's daughter is out of high school and he wants her to help with the business rather than going off into college. She obviously wants to to go to college.

- Arkans

[Allycat]

My 13 year old daughter, Terra, owes me nothing except respect. It was my choice to bring her into this world and everything I do for her is my choice.

-Ally

[Tsa`ah]

If your boss had an inkling of intelligence he would support her going to college and make a deal with her to work during the intersession and help after she has a degree.

[Jorddyn]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
If your boss had an inkling of intelligence he would support her going to college and make a deal with her to work during the intersession and help after she has a degree.

Or let her live her own life.

Jorddyn, not in the family business

[Tsa`ah]

I only wish I was in the family biz ... small farms don't split profits very well though. My parents let me do my own thing and let my siblings and I know that when they decided the farm had to go, we would get the first opportunity.

Now if he wants his kid to be cheap labor ... I'd let him know where the family biz could go. If he posed an opportunity to make her a partner AFTER COLLEGE, well a young adult could only hope for such an opportunity depending on what the family did.

Well, I'm back home and the debate more or less ended as a "To Be Continued".

His main point is was that it was him that raised his daughter and he views his daughter working for him as kind of paying him back. Also, this guy isn't the best with running money. It's a pretty small business and I run the finances for it and when I first got to this job everything was a fucking disaster. I, frankly, don't believe he is financially responsible enough to be able to afford a school education for his daughter and he'd rather just have her work for him.

A partner in business? Heh, only after he'd die she would be insured of any type of partnership. Sucks as a situation, but it bugs me. I can't really speak my mind (he's my boss, so I need to stay polite), but it seems like he is really putting a lot of unneeded pressure on his daughter.

- Arkans

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Arkans
More updated information. The guy's daughter is out of high school and he wants her to help with the business rather than going off into college. She obviously wants to to go to college.

- Arkans

Gah, the very example I used. My friend had a partial scholarship to a good college and her parents wanted her to stay and work in their resteraunt.

I really want to tell the guy to let his daughter live her own life, but gah... He is my boss and he does pay decently.

- Arkans

[Brattt8525]

He should be happy she wants to go to college, he could have bigger problems on his hands. As far as my kids owing me? It may sound corny but everytime I look at them, I feel I owe them the world for what they give me. As far as them owing me respect, I have to earn that just like anyone else.

[HarmNone]

I think you were completely right in what you said, Arkans. Any parent who would expect their child to give up the opportunity for education and the thrill of following their own dreams to completion is not worthy of having a child. The family business is daddy's dream (or nightmare, as the case may be). It doesn't have to be the kids' dream, too.

[Jazuela]

Originally posted by Arkans
More updated information. The guy's daughter is out of high school and he wants her to help with the business rather than going off into college. She obviously wants to to go to college.

- Arkans

If the girl is willing to pay for her own education, then I don't see why there's a problem. If she isn't interested in the family business, then there's not much that's gonna convince her otherwise. So Daddy should accept this, and either offer to pay for her education (if he is able to do that), or give her his blessing for achieving a higher education. And in the meantime, he could get what he wants, by offering her a job in the business so that she can earn the money to pay for college herself.

Who knows - she might change her mind, once she's had time to actually work with her dad, or in his company.

[C7L34N]

Not much ya can say to him directly, he does write the checks. But on a side note, I agree with the mass on this.

C

[Marl]

My bosses point of view(he owns a buisness which his kids don't help him) They don't help me do shit, I am not helping them do shit. He is decently well off while both of his children are in poverty pratically. They ask him to help out on bills from time to time, ask him for this and that....He gives them a polite NO. Says they werent around when he needed them for stuff(help build his house, help with the family buisness.....they went to live with their mother) He is not going to be there for them. He has taken them completely out of his will, but, gives their children whatever they want.
Me? I would do anything I can anytime for my son, period. Whether he is 8 months or 80 yrs old.

[Edited on 12-14-2004 by Marluxian]