Cyber Cheating

[SpunGirl]

There was a thing on TLC the other day about the internet and how it's spawned a whole slew of ways for spouses/comitted persons to cheat on each other. There were a lot of opinions about what constitutes cheating and what doesn't.

So what do you guys think? I was going to make this a poll, but you can't vote for multiple options that way. Which of the following do you consider cheating, why or why not?

-Cybersex in IMs/chat

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends

-Viewing porn websites

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends

I'm interested to hear what people think.

-K

[CrystalTears]

Am I horrible person if I don't think any of that constitutes cheating?

All of the above and none of the above depending on what kind of morals you and your spouse have.

[Kuyuk]

Nope, I dont think it does either...


Speaking of which, wanna trade pics CT? :-D


K.

[Farquar]

Holy crap people actually DO cyber in gemstone? I thought that was just a myth?

omfg...

cyber...splooge?

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Am I horrible person if I don't think any of that constitutes cheating?

Nah. I think it's all dependent upon the people in the relationship and what they agree is OK or not OK between them. Like, if you are sending naked pictures of yourself to people you know online, it's not cheating if your spouse knows or doesn't care. But that's just my opinion:)

-K

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Farquar
Holy crap people actually DO cyber in gemstone? I thought that was just a myth?

OMFG you missed the infamous Garr and Janisi log. Someone link this deprived soul immediately.

-K

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Maimara
I dunno if it's cheating, but it's... like... precursor to cheating? A symptom of a desire to?

Not necessarily. It's all fantasy.

So you send you pics out. So? So they send you pics. And? You look at other people naked, you watch porn, you cyber either in a game or in chat. BFD.

Unless you plan on having a loving, separate and secret relationship with said person, it shouldn't matter. If you stop caring about your loved one in order to satisfy online urges, sure. But just to show and see? Nah. It's all harmless to me. :shrug:

Edited to say you as in general you not Beth. :P

[Edited on 11/16/2004 by CrystalTears]

[SpunGirl]

I think you have a valid point, CT. But I also think part of the dishonesty of keeping some of that stuff secret from a spouse/partner is what constitutes cheating. If it's not a secret, then it's not cheating. IMO.

-K

[CrystalTears]

That's why I bolded it. :D

[SpunGirl]

Just so we're clear, you're not cheating with Angelina Jolie, are you?!?!?

(If you were you'd probably have permission:P)

-K

[Farquar]

Originally posted by SpunGirl

Originally posted by Farquar
Holy crap people actually DO cyber in gemstone? I thought that was just a myth?

OMFG you missed the infamous Garr and Janisi log. Someone link this deprived soul immediately.

-K

I guess I shoulda known, given the number of people that get married in the game. There had to have been some other benefit than some alters and a ceremony...

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Just so we're clear, you're not cheating with Angelina Jolie, are you?!?!?

(If you were you'd probably have permission:P)

-K

OMG I wish! Then again, it wouldn't be cheating because my babes would be right there cheering me on, giving pointers and helping out. :D

[SpunGirl]

Not even to me?:( You aren't married!!

-K

[Caluss]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I think you have a valid point, CT. But I also think part of the dishonesty of keeping some of that stuff secret from a spouse/partner is what constitutes cheating. If it's not a secret, then it's not cheating. IMO.

-K

Cheating is cheating is cheating. If you spouse knows and doesn't care then you have consensensual cheating. But it is cheating none the less. Of course, I am using the strictest sense of the word 'cheating.'

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Maimara
No, but... like. Uh.

I don't know, I"m just not cool with the idea of my naked ass being on the Internet.

Then again, I would probably take a picture of me mooning. But not of my boobies. Or snatch. No snatch for you.

LOL. Actually, I agree. You never know who you send naughty pictures to that might release them for general viewing or something, that'd be embarassing.

-K

[Edited on 11-16-2004 by SpunGirl]

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
-Cybersex in IMs/chat Cheating.
-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks) Cheating.
-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends Inappropriate.
-Viewing porn websites Inappropriate.
-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends Very inappropriate, close to cheating.

Obviously, a partner who says "this is ok" nullifies any external judgment. I don't see any difference between getting nude/naughty pictures from someone online and going to a strip club, except it's a lot easier to hide the electronic.

It's probably true then.

[Wezas]

OMG Viewing porn is cheating?

I'm so screwed.

[SpunGirl]

I h8 strip clubs (discussed previously) but I'm OK with porn viewing.

-K

[Brattt8525]

-Cybersex in IMs/chat Cheating

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks) Depends is it role play, or rolling in the hay safely via the internet for sexual release.

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends not cheating

-Viewing porn websites not cheating

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends not cheating, they are friends right? tho I don't have any friends that I really want to see naked.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Wezas
OMG Viewing porn is cheating?

I'm so screwed.

:lol2:

For those who think that watching porn or looking at nudie pictures is cheating, I'd like to why you feel that way.

[Kuyuk]

I'm pretty open about sex. I dont view much as cheating. Besides, if they're doing it on the internet, they're just masturbating about it anyway, thus it's not cheating, it's masturbation while thinking about something else. Who cares what someone thinks about while they masturbate.




K.

[SpunGirl]

If I found out Jake was sending naked pictures of himself to people online, that would indicate that they had some kind of interest in his wang that I'd be uncomfortable with. Of course, he doesn't have online friends so I don't have to worry, but that's why I'd consider it a "cheating-ish" act.

-K

[Wezas]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
For those who think that watching porn or looking at nudie pictures is cheating, I'd like to why you feel that way.

Unless I'm mistaken I think Latrin was the only one.

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
Who cares what someone thinks about while they masturbate.


For some people, it does matter. I call it insecurity but I'm willing to accept that it could be something else.

My stepfather once was heading to the bathroom and wanted to take something to read. There was a magazine on the coffee table and had Angelina Jolie's picture on the cover. He started to pick it up and my mother yelled at him, refusing to let him fantasize about another woman while he was in the bathroom. I thought that was the craziest shit I've ever heard that woman say. Then I said oh why not, she has a great set of lips. My mother was convinced I was a lesbian for a few weeks after that. :rolleyes:

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Wezas

Originally posted by CrystalTears
For those who think that watching porn or looking at nudie pictures is cheating, I'd like to why you feel that way.

Unless I'm mistaken I think Latrin was the only one.

He said inappropriate, which some people I know agree with. Like, they just don't want their significant other looking at porn because they feel it's offensive or something.

My mom has a HUGE problem with porn, she thinks it's degrading, disgusting, morally bankrupt, yada yada, all because it presents an unrealistic view of sex. Some people just don't like it.

-K

[Delirium]

To me cybersex is cheating, maybe not to the extent that real sexual contact is but still in the same ballpark. Id break up with someone over this.

Im not sure how cybersex would play a role in roleplaying, or at least the player controlling the character touching themselves while "acting" it out in game.

Id never send my naked picture on to the internet. Ive seen way too many websites with pictures of naked ex girlfriends pics to even think about it. If i did however and i posted it to a forum that would be one thing, but sending it to individuals is what would be considered cheating in my mind.

Viewing porn sites isnt cheating.

Like in the sending them out question it depends how the nude pics of friends were gotten. I mean id probably look at any topic here that said "<random member here> naked!" whether i knew them or not. Whether i found them attractive or not. On the other hand i wouldnt ask for private naked pics from anyone no matter how good of friends i was. Who wants to see friends naked anyway? To me that would just complicate my life and be a negative. I dont want to think of my friends naked. If their more than just friends and you hunt for nude pics and get them, then hey thats cheating. I guess i just dont understand how friends would get into the conversation of oh hey wanna see my dick, or see my titties or whatever unless their was cheating type behavior there already.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Delirium
I guess i just dont understand how friends would get into the conversation of oh hey wanna see my dick, or see my titties or whatever unless their was cheating type behavior there already.

I agree. Like, you'd have to have a personal interest in someone's naughty bits, and if you have a personal interest in them, how does that reflect on your relationship with your spouse or partner?

-K

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Assuming one is in a relationship with someone else.

-Cybersex in IMs/chat
CHEATING
-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
CHEATING
-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
CHEATING
-Viewing porn websites
HEALTHY
-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
CHEATING

[CrystalTears]

I guess I'm screwed. :D

[Kuyuk]

<<My mother was convinced I was a lesbian for a few weeks after that. >>

You're not?!

I assumed since ya kept turning me down :whistle:

I've seen friends naked. They've seen me naked. Who cares. It's a bit of skin. I think I have a more european view of sex/human body than "American".

Americans are just prude about it :)

K.

[Eiderfleur]

[-Cybersex in IMs/chat
Cheating and may lead to actual physical cheating, but not always. Been burnt in the past.


-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
Not Cheating, However depends how far persons take it and if it starts to spill over into RL.


-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
Not Cheating Have sent plenty of pics out to people who were interested in piercings, Don't see this as a problem as you cannot see my face. :saint:


-Viewing porn websites
Not Cheating, Will happily download pr0n and show pics to my fiance and steal ideas from things done online to bring into out relationship to make things more.... "interesting"


-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
Been sent plenty of pics from blokes which I didn't ask for and accepted a harmless looking file called me.jpg or whatever and opened it up..... Personally I don't get turned on from viewing nude pics, same goes for pr0n I prefer to read erotica than see a bunch of naked people.

[Toxicvixen]

All but viewing porn is cheating to me personally. In fact I think I have more Porn (Hentai) then my Boyfriend does at this time. I just got a new 160 Gig hardrive added to my computer. That's a lot of new Porn! :drool: Hey Mazelina Send me some of your men!

[Edited on 11-16-2004 by Toxicvixen]

[Valthissa]

If you're not married, I don't think any of them are cheating (what does it mean to cheat when you're not married?) if you're married then:

-Cybersex in IMs/chat

that would be cheating

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)

cheating. unless your spouse is in the room. probably could be good for some laughs

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends

uh, cheating


-Viewing porn websites

not cheating, but you have to wonder why you're doing the porn thing instead, you know, um doing your spouse

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends

cheating

I realize I'm hopelessly old-fashioned after reading the replies.

C/Valth

[Soulpieced]

See Tayvin's above post. I concur with his statements 100%.

[Galleazzo]

Originally posted by Caluss
Cheating is cheating is cheating. If you spouse knows and doesn't care then you have consensensual cheating. But it is cheating none the less. Of course, I am using the strictest sense of the word 'cheating.' Naw, yer using the loosest sense. Cheating is taking my body parts (IN PERSON, IN REAL LIFE) and doing the dirty with someone else's body parts (IN PERSON, IN REAL LIFE).

Now mebbe some of those cyber things might piss your mate off, but screw it, you can piss your mate off by having too many beers or hanging with your buds or not doing the dishes too. Is that cheating?

Same thing here, and people who get bitched off about it got this huge problem. If I'm hooked up with some whackjob screaming that I'm cheating on her by looking at naked pictures on the computer, then what the fuck, I might as well sleep around on her because it can't get worse.

:juggle:

[Sean of the Thread]

porn viewing as a couple = fun
porn viewing solo = what the fuk for?

Strip clubs as a couple possibly out with the boys = fun
Strip clubs solo = lonesome stalker

Cybersex = boring and stupid (unless with your very very significant other that is at an extreme longdistance and thus such act would be considered very romantic and loving)

Pictures... Sending or rec.. I've had girls i worked with or were good friends with send me pictures via email. This is cheating in opinion.. I got these out of the blue and were obviously out of flirting at work or school getting out of hand. If my ex ever found those (when she wasn't an ex) crazy would ensue. But on a side note I've got quite a few of those saved up hehe. I have never sent other than to my ex wife when she was away on business for a week and the phone conversation somehow got off track and went "good"?? Thank god for hotels with in room internet access.

[CrystalTears]

I :heart: Galleazzo.

[The Cat In The Hat]

My opinion on this really doesn't count right now. I told my husband yesterday to go cheat on me.

Long story.

[TheRoseLady]

Well I'm with CT and Galleazo. If you have no intention of actually meeting up with someone in the flesh - then I don't consider it cheating.

-Cybersex in IMs/chat
NOT CHEATING
-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
NOT CHEATING
-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
NOT CHEATING
-Viewing porn websites
HEALTHY
-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
NOT CHEATING

Meeting up in the flesh is CHEATING.

[Kuyuk]

I agree with CT, Gall and Rose fully, if I didnt make it clear already :)


And I even encourage my girl to go to strip clubs with other girls, I even gave them money to buy food and drink with. :shrug:

It was also the first time she got boobs in her face, she said they were very soft :laugh:

K.

[Shari]

-Cybersex in IMs/chat

I think so, clearly you trying to get something you can't get or want with someone else in rl.
-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)

Same issue, only its in game. I feel its cheating. And...kinda icky, to boot.

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends

Hell yes I consider it cheating. WTF would you sell nude pics to your internet friends unless you wanted to get some from them? Either by cyber or meeting in real life?

-Viewing porn websites

No. You don't know these people, they don't know you.

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends

Same with the sending out nude pics of yourself applies.


Basically, I'm totally cool with looking at naked people on porn or in magazines simply because I don't know them. I don't know their personality, I don't talk to them in any way, shape or form.

I never understood why some girls would get pissed at their boyfriends for looking at Playboy and the like. Its not like they're EVER going to meet these girls in reality and get the opportunity to have sex with them. So let them fantasize....just...not while you're having sex. :D

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
I've seen friends naked. They've seen me naked. Who cares. It's a bit of skin. I think I have a more european view of sex/human body than "American".

Americans are just prude about it :)

K.

Ditto. I dont get the whole OMG YOUR BODY IS EVIL IF YOU USE IT and God will hate you even though he GAVE IT TO YOU, schtuff. :?:

To answer the original post I personally dont feel that any of that is cheating depending on the relationship and if its a normal relationship between two secure, mature, happy adults who discuss the issued openly it shouldnt be a problem. :)

Giving strangers naughty pics is a no no for me though. The idiots on the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos scared me into being conservative about that. :lol:

[Caiylania]

For married/engaged and sig others don't know people:

-Cybersex in IMs/chat
Yes.

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
Yes. I can see dating... thought about it myself. But it seems that when one dates, the other guy think that means free cyber poon. To me, cyber or not, sex is sex. The emotions/actions behind it. and that is cheating. To me.

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
Yes. Because for me to do that, I would have to have sexual interests outside my husband. And that to me is cheating.


-Viewing porn websites
No.


-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
No if I didn't ask and I hit delete. Not my fault they sent them. Yes if I ask and /or want to see them.


Originally posted by Maimara
I dunno if it's cheating, but it's... like... precursor to cheating? A symptom of a desire to?

I personally agree with this. Someone wanting to cyber..... that can often lead to cheating physically in real life. The whole...... take an inch.....take a mile thing.


Originally posted by SpunGirl
I think you have a valid point, CT. But I also think part of the dishonesty of keeping some of that stuff secret from a spouse/partner is what constitutes cheating. If it's not a secret, then it's not cheating. IMO.

Agreed.

[Kainen]

Honestly it depends on what you and your other half have decided it acceptable in your relationship.. if I was in a commited relationship (which I am not) this is how I would view things..

-Cybersex in IMs/chat
Cheating

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
Cheating

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
Depending on how GOOD of friend they were

-Viewing porn websites
As long as it's not in front of my kid.. go for it (and he/she shared the good stuff)

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
As long as he/she shared with me and didnt seem TOO interested I wouldnt care

[Tsa`ah]

As it has already been said, it depends on the relationship.

Viewing porn is never cheating. If you think it is, I suggest you up your crack intake 200% until brain dead.

Cybersex, in game, in chat or any other medium is cheating if you are not in a relationship that is open to such actions. If you're spanking the monkey to text scroll and the wife thinks you're playing fantasy football.... you're cheating. It's sexual interaction with another person that is not your significant other while your significant other is oblivious.

The same goes for swapping pictures of on-line interests. If the other half is oblivious ... it's cheating.

I really don't understand the in-game sex being ok, but the chat sex not being ok. To me it's the same.

Again, the above is stated under the understanding that the other person in the partnership is unaware and probably not accepting.

To me, if you want to do these sorts of thing ... make sure you're in a relationship where the understanding is that it is ok.

[TheRoseLady]

I was thinking further about these questions, I guess that I think that some people who have been in a committed relationship for years - get bored. If you happen upon someone who you find stimulating (in whatever way) - I don't see that as cheating - that is, as long as you don't take it to the flesh, start meeting up and all that. :shrug: You better believe that I would take text sex in an entirely different light than I would sex in the flesh, if my RL husband were involved.

As far as in game sex. One of my characters is married and it was made pretty clear from the start that cyber was never going to happen. It has made it really nice, because I don't have to worry about that sort of thing - hell - I don't want it 7 days a week in RL, why would I set myself up for another guy rolling over and trying to get some action every night in game :spaz:

I guess it really is all about your own perspective.

[Allycat]

-Cybersex in IMs/chat
*Cheating via text* If you're making the person on the other end and you, yourself are sexually arroused....enough said*

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)
*Cheating via text* see above

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends
*Cheating.. I believe if you're in a relationship, why would you: a) want to share your body with anyone else other than your mate. b) those internet friends may share them with their internet friends and so on.. you wanna see your ass on some website that you're child (or future child) may look at (though unlikely.. it's possible!!!)

-Viewing porn websites
*Cheating*

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends
*Cheating*

[/quote]

I'm no holy roller by any means.. but I am very, very opinionated about porn, strip clubs, etc.... I won't go into detail as it may end up causing a HUGE disagreement and I'd hate to pull out my can of asswhippin.. :P

-Ally

How is viewing porn cheating? This is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard. I think, if anything, it is healthy. Wow, some people are damn insecure. Let me guess, rubbing one out in the shower is cheating too?

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
How is viewing porn cheating? This is the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard. I think, if anything, it is healthy. Wow, some people are damn insecure. Let me guess, rubbing one out in the shower is cheating too?

- Arkans

You know what Arkans.. it's my opinion and NO I am not insecure.. I am content with myself and my relationship. I made a freaking statement about my beliefs.. if you dont' like it.. I really don't give a shit... But don't assume that just because I make a statement, that I am insecure..

Lastly, Have a nice day.. dumbass :)

You're more of an idiot for blasting ME for having an opinion. How about you go back to making sure your significant other isn't waking up at 1 AM, sneaking into the living room and watching Skinimax instead of throwing out awesome insults out like, "Dumbass"?

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Wezas
I'm sorry, but I guess I just don't get it often enough to not pwn myself every now and then. And forgive me for wanting something to look at while the deed is being done.

If my girl calls it cheating - I'll tell her that it's because she's not doing her job.

Again, my opinion - and I'm not saying anyone else's opinion is wrong.

Except Allycat's.

Ha Ha Ha... :P

[CrystalTears]

I'd like to know why you consider it cheating though. Unless you caught someone at a strip bar or watching porn and wasn't honest to you about it. Then again, that's the fault of the person being dishonest with you, regardless of the act.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
You're more of an idiot for blasting ME for having an opinion. How about you go back to making sure your significant other isn't waking up at 1 AM, sneaking into the living room and watching Skinimax instead of throwing out awesome insults out like, "Dumbass"?

- Arkans

If my significant other wakes up at 1am.. I'm secure enough in my relationship, that I know he'd much rather roll over and wake me up and get a piece, rather than get outa bed, walk out the the den, turn on the computer/tv.. whichever.. do his thing, come back to the bedroom, get back in bed and go back to sleep..

First of all.. I wasn't insulting you, I was stating a fact, you were making dumbass comment to my post.. god, get a sense of humor man, you can pick one up cheap these days

-Ally

[Allycat]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
I'd like to know why you consider it cheating though. Unless you caught someone at a strip bar or watching porn and wasn't honest to you about it. Then again, that's the fault of the person being dishonest with you, regardless of the act.

Nope, never "caught" anyone doing anything. I'm just against it, mostly because of morals.. etc. Before I had a child and even until about 2 years ago, I was much more open to things like porn, strip clubs.. etc.. I have been to/seen both.. At this point in my life, I think they are wrong for ME and my family. Of course, I am realistic and I know they will never go away.. so I state my opinion and move on..

-Ally

So tell me, would you break it off with him or make him sleep on the couch if you came home late one night and saw him on the couch watching two rejected porn stars fake humping on TV?

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
So tell me, would you break it off with him or make him sleep on the couch if you came home late one night and saw him on the couch watching two rejected porn stars fake humping on TV?

- Arkans


No, I wouldn't break it off, because it's a minor thing to me (I'd be disappointed, we made an agreement not to have it in the house, because of our teenager).. if he was screwin some chick on the couch.. obviously.. it would be over...

-Ally

I understand the whole "not screwing other people" agreement, but telling what one person can view or not? Ridiculous. You'd think a grown man or woman would be okay with looking at an image, but I guess not.

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
I understand the whole "not screwing other people" agreement, but telling what one person can view or not? Ridiculous. You'd think a grown man or woman would be okay with looking at an image, but I guess not.

- Arkans


I did not "tell" him not to do it. I explained to him that I did not want it in the house, for said reasons. We agreed. Grown man/Grown woman.. at this point in our lives, it about the child.. in 5 years.. she'll be in college and then we'll cross the porn path at that time :)

-Ally

[CrystalTears]

I think she's more concerned about exposing it to their children, and I can understand that.

Then again, if she's a teenager, now's the time to get her understanding it.

I have a weirdo family and they were allowing me to see sex in movies (and porn) when I was around 13 with my grandparents because he was comfortable talking to me about it.

I think teenagers looking at porn is natural. It's around that age that they start thinking about it and frankly, I'd rather have my kid looking at "MILF GETTING USED BY SIX BLACK MEN!!1" than getting someone/getting herself knocked up for real.

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

Er... you're going to wait til she's in COLLEGE to expose her to porn? That's your decision and that's fine, just know, and I do mean KNOW that she'll be experimenting long before that. C'mon, you were a horny teen, you know that finding out about that stuff too late just makes you more curious.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
I think she's more concerned about exposing it to their children, and I can understand that.

Then again, if she's a teenager, now's the time to get her understanding it.

I have a weirdo family and they were allowing me to see sex in movies (and porn) when I was around 13 with my grandparents because he was comfortable talking to me about it.


She understands sex.. I have talked with her about it and she has health class in school. I am not afraid for her to be exposed to sex (within reason).. hell, I'm sure she hears all about it at school, I know I did. BUT, I don't think it's appropriate to have it in the house.. to condone porn, if that makes sense? If she decides when she's an adult that she wants to watch it.. that's her choice... Not something I'm going to have an indepth conversation with her about, at age 19, but hey.. she'll be an adult then, it will be her gig.

-Ally

[Axhinde]

Young conservative girls..so impressionable...so hawt!:2beers:

[CrystalTears]

Heh, maybe I'm just weird (and I do accept that I am) but I don't plan on getting rid of the porn from my home when I have children. If they find it they can watch it and can come to me (or my fiance since he would be better at those talks than I would) and discuss it.

Sex is a natural part of life. I turned out just fine being exposed to the nudie films and pictures from an early age and I don't expect any less from my children. And I was a good girl and lost my virginity when I was 18, so nyah. :D

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
I think teenagers looking at porn is natural. It's around that age that they start thinking about it and frankly, I'd rather have my kid looking at "MILF GETTING USED BY SIX BLACK MEN!!1" than getting someone/getting herself knocked up for real.

- Arkans

Arkans.... you are seriously twisted if you think that it's okay for a 13 year old child to look at porn. I understand, as I have stated that they are curious and I have talked with her (even though she'll be like.. Ick mom, I don't wanna talk about this) I still talk to her... I educate her about sex, pregnancy, STD's.. etc.. Hoping that she won't get knocked up..

-Ally

[Kuyuk]

<She understands sex.. and she has health class in school.>

Rofl.

It's good to know that she was taught she has a vagina and boys have a penis.

I picked that info up on Kindergarden Cop.

K.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
<She understands sex.. and she has health class in school.>

Rofl.

It's good to know that she was taught she has a vagina and boys have a penis.

I picked that info up on Kindergarden Cop.

K.


My point being.. she's being educated on both end...

How did this go from cheating.. to talking about sex ed anyways... :lol:


-Ally

Twisted for letting a kid look at something harmless? It is an image and you're really lying to yourself if you think it is going to cause some irreversable damage to the kid. At 13, a kid might be curious what this "sex" thing is about. Rather than supress it and pretend that it does not exist, I think porn would be an very safe outlet for this. I still do not see the harm of someone seeing a picture of two people screwing.

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

Well I'm not going to go out of my way and say, "here honey, watch some porn with mommy and daddy." No. Children aren't ready for that anymore than they are ready for drinking or smoking. However I wouldn't taboo it either.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Wezas
I'm sorry, but I guess I just don't get it often enough to not pwn myself every now and then. And forgive me for wanting something to look at while the deed is being done.

If my girl calls it cheating - I'll tell her that it's because she's not doing her job.
:yeahthat: Although my girl has no problem with me looking at porn. She even downloaded some hot chick pics so I could save them as screensavers on my computer. She inadvertently welcomed tons of adware in the process that I had to remove but thats how cool she is with it and secure in our sexual relationship to be ok with me looking at it and making good use of my time while doing so.

[Eiderfleur]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Well I'm not going to go out of my way and say, "here honey, watch some porn with mommy and daddy." No. Children aren't ready for that anymore than they are ready for drinking or smoking. However I wouldn't taboo it either.

Kids can very easily find things out that their parents don't want them to find out. It really isn't all that hard..... Take a look at Bobmuhthol, he's recently turned 14 and I bet he knows as much about sex etc as I did when I was 18, I was extremely naive, made up for lost time now, however my youngest cousins both knew more about sex at around 13/14 than I did when I was 18/19.

It's not that their parents exposed them to it. It just happens. If someone is determined enough to find out information, whether it be about sex or algebra they will eventually succeed.

Making something taboo to kids is something that is just going to push them towards it.

- Arkans

[DeV]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Well I'm not going to go out of my way and say, "here honey, watch some porn with mommy and daddy." No. Children aren't ready for that anymore than they are ready for drinking or smoking. However I wouldn't taboo it either. I agree...
It's also much better for your kids to learn all they can about sex from you, the parent. If not, they will and I repeat they will learn if from their peers and those in their social environment. I remember sneaking and watching porno, actually ordering it from this company called Adam & Eve when I was around 15 or 16 and my parents never knew. Kids can be quite resourceful if they need to or don't know any better.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
Twisted for letting a kid look at something harmless? It is an image and you're really lying to yourself if you think it is going to cause some irreversable damage to the kid. At 13, a kid might be curious what this "sex" thing is about. Rather than supress it and pretend that it does not exist, I think porn would be an very safe outlet for this. I still do not see the harm of someone seeing a picture of two people screwing.

- Arkans


You know.. at this point, making replys to your posts don't make any more sense to you than what I am trying to get across.. so, let me explain it to you one more time.. read it slowly and sound out the words so it sinks in..

I know it exists.. I know that she knows it exists.. It is my choice as a parent not to keep that kind of material in my house.. once again.. It's MY choice.... I am not surpressing it.. If she wants to watch it, in her own home/dorm, whatever, when she is not in my home.. then go for it!!!! What about this do you NOT get????? It's like me saying..

"Hey.. sex exists.. so I know you're going to do it.. so bring over your b/f and feel free to do it in your bed.. I condone it!!! There are just some things that people feel isn't right.. I don't think throwing sex up in her face... is appropriate..

Maybe one day, you'll have a 13 year old child (girl) and you'll throw in a porn tape and watch it with her.. and your wife will be like.. "Oh, see, this is appropriate cause it exists"... if that's the case.. Yeah for you!!!


-Ally

[CrystalTears]

Originally posted by Arkans
Making something taboo to kids is something that is just going to push them towards it.

- Arkans

Exactly, which is why I said I won't go out of my way to show them porn (especially our stuff... we got some nasty shit in our collection :D) but I won't make it taboo to them and will talk to them about it.

I just don't believe in repressing anything from children because they will find out about something whether you like it or not. Not dealing with it and hiding it from them just makes it worse, IMHO.

[SpunGirl]

I agree with both Ally and Arkans in a way. I don't think you can "stop" kids from looking at porn, and I think that if you make it a lockdown, taboo, 100% no-no issue, you're making it more enticing.

I do think that a balance has to be struck which will require parents to TALK to their kids. Kids, who at 13 are extremely impressionable, need to understand that porn does NOT represent a realistic view of sex. This is as important as the kids understanding that GTA is not a realistic view of how people should behave. It requires involved parents to talk to the kids about images they're presented with, that's all.

The discussion about a partner or spouse not viewing porn reminds me of when my best friend came to me in tears, because she started questioning her husband about when he jerks off. He admitted to doing it 3-4 times a week, even though they have a normal sex life. I told her it was no big deal, she was all offended about it. It took awhile, but I convinced her that sometimes a guy will be sitting around and just decide to whack it. Not because they're unfulfilled or looking to cheat, maybe theyr'e just bored.

-K

[Wezas]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I told her it was no big deal, she was all offended about it. It took awhile, but I convinced her that sometimes a guy will be sitting around and just decide to whack it. Not because they're unfulfilled or looking to cheat, maybe theyr'e just bored.


Half the time I just do it to help me fall asleep. :smilegrin:

[CrystalTears]

3-4 times? That's all?? She got off lucky. :D

Allycat, were you dropped on your head as a child? Did you sniff extreme amounts of glue? No? Shit, could have fooled me. Maybe it was too much of that worrying about the porn your significant other might be watching it, I'm not sure, but I digress.

I never said it was not your choice. I never said you could not make your choice. I merely disagreed with your choice and stated why. I gave examples. I believe by making ridiculously strict rules regarding porn IS supressing it. "Damn it, hubby! No porn! I don't care if you're a grown man! No porn!". I wouldn't encourage the kid to watch porn, but trying to hide her from it does nobody any good. Unfortunately, reading comprehension must have been lost with all the lead paint that you ate.

My, how tolerant you are of other opinions after blasting me for disagreeing with you.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

Exactly, CT and Wezas! Her husband called to thank me for the "girl chat" a few days later:)

-K

[Jenisi]

When it comes to cheating, most females are concerned about the emotional involvement they have with another women much more than the physical aspect, and usually vise versa from the male standpoint. I wouldn't consider it "cheating" but I would be very uncomfortable and very vocal if I caught my partner cybering with someone, especially if he knew the said person. It's just something I'm not comfortable with.

In gemstone I think having a role played relationship could be fun, but cybering takes it a bit too far. Now as far as porn, watching it together as a couple could be fun, but I’d be annoyed catching my man constantly watching it solo. One thing I do have a pet peeve with is if my man has an obsession/fixation on a celebrity. I once dated a guy that absolutely LOVED Michelle Branch. She was his computer background, pictures of her on the walls, had all her songs on CD’s and it drove me insane. It’s one thing to find a celebrity attractive, but really going out of your way like that makes me uncomfortable.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I agree with both Ally and Arkans in a way. I don't think you can "stop" kids from looking at porn, and I think that if you make it a lockdown, taboo, 100% no-no issue, you're making it more enticing.

I do think that a balance has to be struck which will require parents to TALK to their kids. Kids, who at 13 are extremely impressionable, need to understand that porn does NOT represent a realistic view of sex. This is as important as the kids understanding that GTA is not a realistic view of how people should behave. It requires involved parents to talk to the kids about images they're presented with, that's all.

The discussion about a partner or spouse not viewing porn reminds me of when my best friend came to me in tears, because she started questioning her husband about when he jerks off. He admitted to doing it 3-4 times a week, even though they have a normal sex life. I told her it was no big deal, she was all offended about it. It took awhile, but I convinced her that sometimes a guy will be sitting around and just decide to whack it. Not because they're unfulfilled or looking to cheat, maybe theyr'e just bored.

-K


I am not making it "taboo" because I don't have it in the house. We both know it's out there.. just not in our home. We have had explicit sexual discussions (as explicit that you can get with a 13 year old).

What it boils down to.. is that I didn't "see" it in my home growing up, though my parents had sex (ewww.. heard them), they talked to my sister and I around the same time that I started talking to my daughter about it.. Not having porn in my home growing up, didn't make a difference to me one way or the other.. Because my mom was honest and open with me about things, like I am with my child.

-Ally

ROFLMAO, Spun. Just cause we're bored? Goddamn, who let you into our secret files? That was hilarious.

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
Allycat, were you dropped on your head as a child? Did you sniff extreme amounts of glue? No? Shit, could have fooled me. Maybe it was too much of that worrying about the porn your significant other might be watching it, I'm not sure, but I digress.

I never said it was not your choice. I never said you could not make your choice. I merely disagreed with your choice and stated why. I gave examples. I believe by making ridiculously strict rules regarding porn IS supressing it. "Damn it, hubby! No porn! I don't care if you're a grown man! No porn!". I wouldn't encourage the kid to watch porn, but trying to hide her from it does nobody any good. Unfortunately, reading comprehension must have been lost with all the lead paint that you ate.

My, how tolerant you are of other opinions after blasting me for disagreeing with you.

- Arkans

Others have made comments about the things I have said and I did not blast them.. I come back at you, because you have said things that are completely untrue.. "you'd rather have your child watch porn, than getting pregnant".. you honestly think that having a person watch porn, is going to make them not have sex??

I don't have strict "rules", as you say about what my mate does.. You're making it come off like I have a list of do and don't... we talked about what was appropriate in the house and we agreed. Now inside he might not necessarily think it's right.. or he has his needs.. whatever the case may be... but ultimately.. he wants what is best for the child...

Done yet?

-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Whaaat, Arkans?!? You don't even get bored and decide that might be a nice time to play around a little?

-K

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Wezas
Half the time I just do it to help me fall asleep. :smilegrin:

Guilty.

-K

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Whaaat, Arkans?!? You don't even get bored and decide that might be a nice time to play around a little?

-K

I admit, boredom pushes me towards it. It's really a great way to burn some time. I remember there was NOTHING going on one rainy day, my car was broken, I was broke, and I all I had was an internet connection and a greased up palm for entertainment. Guilty as charged!

- Arkans

[4a6c1]

I am not at ALL for supressing info about sex with children, it makes girls go bad and boys go stupid. Give them EVERY SINGLE piece of sex info you have EVAR learned. Its not worth learning if you dont pass on the the next generations in full and lengthy detail so they dont make the same mistakes.

How is that not obvious?

[4a6c1]

<<"Hey.. sex exists.. so I know you're going to do it.. so bring over your b/f and feel free to do it in your bed.. I condone it!!! There are just some things that people feel isn't right.. I don't think throwing sex up in her face... is appropriate..

Allycats kiddies are going to be pickup truck/motel room sex experts. :P :lol:

Obviously, you do have rules set. Your significant other cannot watch porn. He cannot look at it on a computer and delete it immediately. Why? Because it would be cheating to you. You said this yourself. I called you out on the cheating thing and now you're switching it to your kid. Make up your goddamn mind.

I, personally think, while porn will not stop sex 100%, it is a rather safe alternative. You cannot expect porn to do all the work. Responsible parenting also plays a huge role. It's just plain silly to assume that this isn't the case.

Anyway, once you make up your mind on why you think porn is unacceptable for your husband, then come and debate this issue. You seem confused about your situation.

- Arkans

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
I am not at ALL for supressing info about sex with children, it makes girls go bad and boys go stupid. Give them EVERY SINGLE piece of sex info you have EVAR learned. Its not worth learning if you dont pass on the the next generations in full and lengthy detail so they dont make the same mistakes.

How is that not obvious?

I have to agree with this statement completely. Information keeps choices smart.

- Arkans

Double posts suck.

- Arkans

[Edited on 11-16-2004 by Arkans]

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
Obviously, you do have rules set. Your significant other cannot watch porn. He cannot look at it on a computer and delete it immediately. Why? Because it would be cheating to you. You said this yourself. I called you out on the cheating thing and now you're switching it to your kid. Make up your goddamn mind.

I, personally think, while porn will not stop sex 100%, it is a rather safe alternative. You cannot expect porn to do all the work. Responsible parenting also plays a huge role. It's just plain silly to assume that this isn't the case.

Anyway, once you make up your mind on why you think porn is unacceptable for your husband, then come and debate this issue. You seem confused about your situation.

- Arkans

Ok.. one last time for you. I stand by my original statement that I think watching porn is cheating.. I said we both agreed not to have it in our house, because of our child.. Those are two seperate issues.

IF I were to see my mate watching it.. I would be disappointed, which I stated.

You called me out???I don't see where you're getting I haven't made up my mind??? I am far from being confused on this point, as I have had this conversation multiple times.


-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Wait, now I'm confused too. You said it's cheating, which is a separate issue from keeping it from your kids... but you said you'd revisit the issue when you no longer have kids in the house. So you'll revisit the issue of something you think is cheating in the first place? That doesn't make sense to me. I'm not going to be like, "Oh Jake, it's cheating right now if you feel up some other chick, but after we have kids and they're gone I'll reconsider."

-K

[CrystalTears]

Oyi. If you think it's cheating that your husband watches porn, what difference does it make that you have children in the house? :?:

That's why I don't understand this whole arguement. I was debating about how it is cheating (which I don't see how it possibly can be). By that token your husband is cheating on you everytime his friends shows him a porno picture. Do you honestly expect him to suddenly turn his back and say, "No! I will not cheat!"? This is just strange.

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Wait, now I'm confused too. You said it's cheating, which is a separate issue from keeping it from your kids... but you said you'd revisit the issue when you no longer have kids in the house. So you'll revisit the issue of something you think is cheating in the first place? That doesn't make sense to me. I'm not going to be like, "Oh Jake, it's cheating right now if you feel up some other chick, but after we have kids and they're gone I'll reconsider."

-K


Okay.. let's start this over..

Do I feel porn is cheating...
Yes.
Do I keep porn in my house?
No.. because my mate is NOT my daughters father.. and she was there before him...
The discussion came up in the beginning of our relationship that I do not keep it in the house because of her.. we discussed it further and we both agreed that it was the right/correct decision, then.

When she is gone.. if he came to me and said "blah, blah, I think we should have it"... Even if I didn't feel/think it was the right thing to do (I feel it's cheating), I would still revisit the subject, because I think you should talk about everything..

Did I miss anything? :)


-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Okay, so now that we're clear, we can get back to Arkans' original question. Do you feel it's cheating simply because it's sexual gratification from something other than your physical relationship, or for some other reason?

-K

But you still wouldn't allow it. Either that or it is not cheating when the daughter is gone. Either that or you would allow cheating in your relationship.

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

By the way, I'm really not trying to be a pain in the ass with this topic. I just always find it interesting to know how people interpret porn and cybering. I'm not happy with "I just don't like it". I think there's more to it than that, but if that's all it is, then fine, I won't pry anymore.

[SpunGirl]

I can answer with my opinion, CT. I wouldn't be comfortable with my husband cybersexing some other chick, because I wouldn't appreciate him using another live person (albeit on another computer) to get him off. Porn is so impersonal, I think picking someone to cyber with is personal.

-K

[Edited on 11-16-2004 by SpunGirl]

I think cybering is in a different league than porn. One involves another human interacting with you to help you get off. The other is just an recorded image.

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Okay, so now that we're clear, we can get back to Arkans' original question. Do you feel it's cheating simply because it's sexual gratification from something other than your physical relationship, or for some other reason?

-K


I think it's cheating because you're getting off to some other chick.. if you're single... cool.. I did it when I was single and kidless..

I think if he wants to get off (if I'm there)... we should have sex. I know that he has/does masturbate.. in my mind.. whether it's true or not (and not like he would tell me otherwise)... he's thinking of me.

-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Heh. If he masturbates (and of course he does), he likely has secret stores of porn he's peeking at. Guys are visual. My husband once told me that when he looks at porn, he's imagining doing those naughty kinky things to me. Whether that's true or not, the only person he actually does sleep with is me, soo.... I'm really OK with it. He's going to whack it, so he needs something to look at.

-K

[CrystalTears]

I guess it's just different for each couple and making their own rules.

My fiance and I cyber. With each other, with other people in games. He's sent out pics of himself to friends, I've sent out pics of myself to friends... we're okay with that. We watch porn together, we watch it apart. We've gone to titty bars together, he's gone on his own. We're really secure with our relationship.

I suppose the difference is that we know how to keep it fantasy and not make it personal. We trust each other very much. Those boundaries are very different with each couple.

Jeez, so the guy can't even have sexual fantasies? Trust me, he does masturbate and I'm willing to bet my last lunch he doesn't always fantasize about you. It's natural. It doesn't mean he is sleeping around it. It is healthy.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Arkans
Jeez, so the guy can't even have sexual fantasies? Trust me, he does masturbate and I'm willing to bet my last lunch he doesn't always fantasize about you. It's natural. It doesn't mean he is sleeping around it. It is healthy.

- Arkans

And sometimes it gives them really cool ideas that you will benefit from. :nod:

-K

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
Heh. If he masturbates (and of course he does), he likely has secret stores of porn he's peeking at. Guys are visual. My husband once told me that when he looks at porn, he's imagining doing those naughty kinky things to me. Whether that's true or not, the only person he actually does sleep with is me, soo.... I'm really OK with it. He's going to whack it, so he needs something to look at.

-K

and of course I'm not so unrealistic to think he doesn't do it, get off, when I'm not around.. Although, I'd prefer if he waited til I was.. so we could both benefit :)

-Ally

Hell yes, Spun.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

So you'd prefer it if he didn't have any kind of sexual, um, activity without you around? Don't YOU ever do it without him!?!?

-K

[CrystalTears]

That poor guy is gonna 'splode. ;)

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
Jeez, so the guy can't even have sexual fantasies? Trust me, he does masturbate and I'm willing to bet my last lunch he doesn't always fantasize about you. It's natural. It doesn't mean he is sleeping around it. It is healthy.

- Arkans

You really make me laugh.. because you don't get it...

I am sure he fantasizes... and if he doesn't fantasize about me.. he is the only person that knows... cause in my mind... I am sexy, gorgeous, etc.. why would he need someone else to think of..

He wouldn't tell me about it.. because he also wants me to at least (think) I am the best thing on the face of the earth...

Am I not being clear here????

-Ally

Either that or he has a stash of old Playboys hidden under his bed like any normal teenager did.

- Arkans

[CrystalTears]

I'm not gonna prod anymore cause she sounds way too much like my mom and it's giving me the heebee jeebees.

By the way, does me fantasizing about Angelina Jolie, like um ... all the time, mean that I'm cheating?

[Edited on 11/16/2004 by CrystalTears]

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
So you'd prefer it if he didn't have any kind of sexual, um, activity without you around? Don't YOU ever do it without him!?!?

-K

Nope.. cause he keeps me completely satisfied.. Not because I think masturbation is bad.. And if I feel like masturbating, he's usually there and watches, or helps out.

-Ally

[CrystalTears]

I'm completely satisfied too, that doesn't mean it's going to stop me from double-clicking my mouse from time to time.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by JihnasSpirit
Ditto. I dont get the whole OMG YOUR BODY IS EVIL IF YOU USE IT and God will hate you even though he GAVE IT TO YOU, schtuff. :?:Where the hell did that come from? Make a new topic.
Originally posted by Arkans
I think, if anything, [viewing porn] is healthy.I don't understand this concept (which I'm sure is a big shock to everyone). I agree that it's not cheating, but what makes it healthy? To me, it seems to encourage a voyeuristic fetish that could get in the way of real sex. Even worse, if an uninformed person were to get hold of it, it encourages the belief that sex has no consequences.

he's *usually* there and watches, or helps out

Ahem..

All I know is if he cannot have fantasies about other things it that it smells a lot like a "Thought Police" badge is worn by someone.

- Arkan

[SpunGirl]

I'm sorry, but anyone who says they never masturbate is lying. Whether you do it with porn or not, whether you always have an orgasm or not, everyone does it. TOUCHING YOURSELF IS HEALTHY, PEOPLE.

So actually, I'm not sorry.

-K

Because I see masturbation as healthy. It has been shown to lower the risks of prostate cancer as well as get rid of pent up frustration. Porn simply helps the process. Of course, if done too much, it becomes and obsession and then it is not healthy, but this can be said for just about anything.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
I don't understand this concept (which I'm sure is a big shock to everyone). I agree that it's not cheating, but what makes it healthy? To me, it seems to encourage a voyeuristic fetish that could get in the way of real sex. Even worse, if an uninformed person were to get hold of it, it encourages the belief that sex has no consequences.

Nah, Latrisorm, I agree with you in a way. I think porn and its influences/implications are best mitigated by involved parents. When you're talking about porn viewing by adults, I think that if someone has an addictive personality, they might have a problem with porn vs. real sex and relationships, but in that case, if it wasn't porn, it would be something else.

-K

[CrystalTears]

I see porn like anything else that needs to be done responsibly such as smoking and drinking. It should be done in moderation.

Then again doing anything in excess is not good.

Except fantasizing about Angelina. That's okay. :yes2: ;)

(Okay I'll stop. It's getting bad now.)

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Arkans
he's *usually* there and watches, or helps out

Ahem..

All I know is if he cannot have fantasies about other things it that it smells a lot like a "Thought Police" badge is worn by someone.

- Arkan

Arkans.. I never said he can't think about it, or someone.. I just don't talk to him about it and he doesn't talk to me about it.. what's the biggey??

And what I meant about usually... is that if he's in the other room, I'm in the bed and I get the urge.. I call him in.. or go get him... whateva..

-Ally

[SpunGirl]

So if you get the urge and he's inaccessable, you just deny yourself? Having more orgasms more often actually improves your sex drive, it doesn't deplete it. Just FYI.

-K

Haha, I was skimming the posts real fast and I thought CT said "Arkans" instead of "Angelina". Back on topic..

So what's the difference between a mental image and an actual image? Both are images. Both are not you, sooo..?

- Arkans

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
So if you get the urge and he's inaccessable, you just deny yourself? Having more orgasms more often actually improves your sex drive, it doesn't deplete it. Just FYI.

-K


Really, this might sound lame.. but I don't deny myself anything.. I much rather have sex with him or have him help, watch me... I use to masturbate alot when I was single.. but now.. I just rather do it with him.. :)

-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Arkans

So what's the difference between a mental image and an actual image? Both are images. Both are not you, sooo..?

- Arkans

I'm going to venture a guess and say that because if she doesn't see the porn, then she can convince herself that he's not ever EVER EVER EVEREVEREVEREVER getting the least bit hot by a boob that isn't hers.

-K

[DeV]

Originally posted by Allycat
-Ally Bottom line.. you are very much in love with your man and deeply devoted to him and would prefer to engage in any sexual relations in his company and if he is not around you wait till he is because thats how much he means to you. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
I see porn like anything else that needs to be done responsibly such as smoking and drinking. It should be done in moderation.Rebus in modus. I've never liked it, because there are things that are bad for you no matter how little you do them (smoking, drinking bleach, running through windows). I don't believe porn falls into that category, and I don't have any problem with a couple partaking in it together (took me a long time to find a good verb there), but it just seems underhanded if the one is doing it in place of the mate, you know? I'm having trouble being clear.

I'm not going to comment on masturbation beyond this acknowledgment that it exists.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl

Originally posted by Arkans

So what's the difference between a mental image and an actual image? Both are images. Both are not you, sooo..?

- Arkans

I'm going to venture a guess and say that because if she doesn't see the porn, then she can convince herself that he's not ever EVER EVER EVEREVEREVEREVER getting the least bit hot by a boob that isn't hers.

-K

Alright.. done. I conceed... You're all right and I'm obviously freak for wanting to think I'm the most beautiful thing in the earth to my man :lol:


-Ally

[SpunGirl]

I think "in place of" and "in occasional addition to" are two different things. Same goes for if it's secretive and hidden, or known.

Also, masturbation is the safest sex there is. ('Cause you seem to be a fan of safe sex) :smilegrin:

-K

[Allycat]

Originally posted by DarkelfVold

Originally posted by Allycat
-Ally Bottom line.. you are very much in love with your man and deeply devoted to him and would prefer to engage in any sexual relations in his company and if he is not around you wait till he is because thats how much he means to you. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Yes, thank you..

-Ally

[CrystalTears]

There's always someone out there prettier and sexier. Men fall in and out of love hundreds of times a day. As long as they are faithful, as in making you number one in their life, everything else is immaterial.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Allycat
Alright.. done. I conceed... You're all right and I'm obviously freak for wanting to think I'm the most beautiful thing in the earth to my man :lol:


-Ally

Um, no. I know I'm the most beautiful thing on earth to my "man" (er, husband) as well. But that doesn't mean he doesn't also appreciate and even get turned on by (OMFG!!!) other beautiful things. I'm just secure enough to know that I'm more important than a temporary fantasy that's over as soon as the kleenex is dirtied.

-K

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
There's always someone out there prettier and sexier. Men fall in and out of love hundreds of times a day. As long as they are faithful, as in making you number one in their life, everything else is immaterial.

You're absolutely correct, and your statement can be widened to accomodate women as well. Expecting people not to behave like people - sexual beings who appreciate visually pleasing things and whose imaginations are capable of awesome and intricate fantasies, both sexual and non-sexual - is just a bad idea.

-K

[Allycat]

Originally posted by SpunGirl

Originally posted by CrystalTears
There's always someone out there prettier and sexier. Men fall in and out of love hundreds of times a day. As long as they are faithful, as in making you number one in their life, everything else is immaterial.

You're absolutely correct, and your statement can be widened to accomodate women as well. Expecting people not to behave like people - sexual beings who appreciate visually pleasing things and whose imaginations are capable of awesome and intricate fantasies, both sexual and non-sexual - is just a bad idea.

-K


Perhaps I am not making myself clear. I know there are pretty things out there.. hell I think Angelina is gorgeous.. my daughter does too.. But we don't rub it in each other's face, because what's the point?? We have way better things to do than talk about who we think is gorgeous.. we're in love, we think one another is gorgeous.. and when it comes down to it.. who cares about anyone else, but us (sexually, physically).

-Ally

[DeV]

Originally posted by Allycat

Originally posted by DarkelfVold

Originally posted by Allycat
-Ally Bottom line.. you are very much in love with your man and deeply devoted to him and would prefer to engage in any sexual relations in his company and if he is not around you wait till he is because thats how much he means to you. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Yes, thank you..

-Ally Yep... my girlfriend is similiar in a way, the only difference is she is cool with me viewing porn and taking care of my business when she isn't around and even flirting, with limitations. But as far as anything sexual relating to herself when I'm not around she'll wait, she wants me there and involved which I love and have no problems with. It tells me that noone in this world can please her the way I can besides herself maybe but she still prefers my sexual healing to any others so, no complaints from me.

DEV on Allycat: SHE IS TOTALLY IN LOVE/LUST WITH HER MAN.<----- This is the basis for her argument and I don't think there is anything we can say to change that. Sweet.

:)

[Adhara]

Originally posted by Allycat
Perhaps I am not making myself clear. I know there are pretty things out there.. hell I think Angelina is gorgeous.. my daughter does too.. But we don't rub it in each other's face, because what's the point?? We have way better things to do than talk about who we think is gorgeous.. we're in love, we think one another is gorgeous.. and when it comes down to it.. who cares about anyone else, but us (sexually, physically).

-Ally

It sounds like you're in love and having sex with your daughter in that post. I did not read the entire thread so I am really, really hoping that's not the case.

[Allycat]

Originally posted by Adhara

Originally posted by Allycat
Perhaps I am not making myself clear. I know there are pretty things out there.. hell I think Angelina is gorgeous.. my daughter does too.. But we don't rub it in each other's face, because what's the point?? We have way better things to do than talk about who we think is gorgeous.. we're in love, we think one another is gorgeous.. and when it comes down to it.. who cares about anyone else, but us (sexually, physically).

-Ally

It sounds like you're in love and having sex with your daughter in that post. I did not read the entire thread so I am really, really hoping that's not the case.


FYI.. my daughter thinks Angelina is gorgeous too.. Just to clarify.

-Ally

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by DarkelfVold
Yep... my girlfriend is similiar in a way, the only difference is she is cool with me viewing porn and taking care of my business when she isn't around and even flirting, with limitations. ...:)

To me, DEV, that says that you are OK with/respectful of her personal sexual preferences, as she is with yours. If she were to crack down and be like "NO PORN 4 U" then that wouldn't be very accepting of your style, would it? You have to be willing to give a little in a relationship, on both sides. Or someone is going to wind up resentful.

-K

[DeV]

:yeahthat: too, Spun... you all make really good points to be honest. But, if her guy is ok with it you both could go back and forth all day on this and never see eye to eye. We don't have his point of view so for that matter he could be totally cool with her idea of a sexual relationship as long as she is pleasing the fuck out of him, literally and satisfying his every need when nature arises.

[CrystalTears]

You're right, DEV. We don't know how he feels about it. However, in my mind, if it had to be discussed it's because he was dabbling with it at one point, or he brought it up. Wtih that I don't think he's completely okay with it.

If she brought it up and took it away without him even seeing it, then I stand corrected. But usually it gets to that point because it's found out that it was being seen/used in the first place. Know what I'm sayin'?

I just always think that relationships should have some basic freedoms.

- Arkans

[DeV]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
Know what I'm sayin'? Yes sexy, I mean CT... I see where you're coming from. :)

And in the mean time seeing if I can get away with calling you sexy.

[CrystalTears]

You can call me anything you want. With that avatar I can only concentrate on the butt of that woman. :drool:

[DeV]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
You can call me anything you want. With that avatar I can only concentrate on the butt of that woman. :drool: Score! Yeah... I could look at that ass all day. :smug:

[Allycat]

Originally posted by CrystalTears
You're right, DEV. We don't know how he feels about it. However, in my mind, if it had to be discussed it's because he was dabbling with it at one point, or he brought it up. Wtih that I don't think he's completely okay with it.

If she brought it up and took it away without him even seeing it, then I stand corrected. But usually it gets to that point because it's found out that it was being seen/used in the first place. Know what I'm sayin'?

Actually, we've never had it in our house, because as I stated before.. I never had it there when he moved in.. and when we were dating, I told him how I felt about it.. and we came to an agreement.. and honestly it wasn't that big of a deal for him, since he could get sex whenever at that point, since we'd be living together.

-Ally

[Edited on 11-16-2004 by Allycat]

[CrystalTears]

That's great then. Seriously. It's nice to see two people who don't need any other physical attention other than each other. It really is refreshing to see.

Me, I'll always have this great and odd relationship of being able to have sex whenever AND watch porn whenever. ;)

[Trinitis]

OMG!! CT IS A PRON MONSTER!

[Tsa`ah]

When a man punishes the monkey, he is not thinking about his wife or girl friend ... very often.

The make-believe he is does not make it true, it's called deluding yourself. So, not happening unless you're mega-hot.

So if masturbation, in your opinion, equates to cheating when you think about someone else ... every man on the face of the earth, and 99.998% of all women, are guilty of infidelity.

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
The make-believe he is does not make it true, it's called deluding yourself. So, not happening unless you're mega-hot.


I don't even think it matters if you're mega-hot. People like variety, period.

-K

I figure choking the chicken is a guy's fantasy time. It's like in GS. It's escapism. You think I want to beat the meat and fantasize about something that's already there?! Hell no, that's some super model on tha pole.

- Arkans

[HarmNone]

I figure it's up to the individuals involved. If nobody is getting hurt, or feeling cheated upon, I don't see the problem. :shrug:

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Wezas

Half the time I just do it to help me fall asleep. :smilegrin:


I had a good friend in game, when I started playing (a long time ago) and he said the EXACT same thing once. I was kind of dumbfounded. Masturbation - the best replacement for a sleeping pill.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Orgasms help me to sleep too :)

[SpunGirl]

Orgasms are good. Orgasms + Ambien are better (for sleep, that is).

-K

[crazymage]

Allycat kinda looks like charlize theron so maybe if he got some hot pics of her it'd be not cheating!

[Jenisi]

I usually am more awake after an orgasm...

[CrystalTears]

Then ya ain't gettin' it right!

j/k ;)

[UnderAge]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
There was a thing on TLC the other day about the internet and how it's spawned a whole slew of ways for spouses/comitted persons to cheat on each other. There were a lot of opinions about what constitutes cheating and what doesn't.

So what do you guys think? I was going to make this a poll, but you can't vote for multiple options that way. Which of the following do you consider cheating, why or why not?

-Cybersex in IMs/chat

-Cybersex as a character (for GS folks)

-Sending naughty/nude pictures of yourself to internet friends

-Viewing porn websites

-Receiving/collecting naughty/nude pictures of online friends

I'm interested to hear what people think.

-K

ME thinks u need life

[Stunseed]

Nice way to bump a thread, Barkcain.

[Volstock]

I Cyber Cheated.....once I ignore my right hand complete and use my left while I watch Pron online......I never felt so ashame

[faiyth]

I don't think any of that is cheating. I know my boyfriend looks at that stuff all the time online, and I just chalk it up to "he's a guy" and as long as I get to be with him every night I'm happy as a clam.

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend wouldn't think any of it is cheating either. Well lets hope so. I play Faiyth as rather "open" in that respect, though I do try to "play around" when my boyfriend isn't home, just in case he did mind.

[faiyth]

After reading everything everyone has posted before this I can say that I happen to be one of those children who grew up around parents who were very conservative. They made me cover my eyes if anyone took their clothes off way up until I was like 16.. this forbidden thing ended up really interesting me because why else would I have to cover my eyes, never hear about it, etc.. I ended up doing everything in my power to find out what it was all about... My kids are going to know all about it.. if they have questions I'm going to answer them. They will be free to watch whatever they want as long as they realize that these people are being filmed because they are "extraordinary" it's not always like in the movies, most of the sounds coming out of her mouth are completely acting.

Hopefully doing the above will allow my kids to realize that it's just a fact of life. but I won't ever make it a forbidden/naughty thing because it'll do the same thing to them as it did to me, make me hell bent on finding out the reasons why and actually doing it myself.

~ A

[Killer Kitten]

<<Hopefully doing the above will allow my kids to realize that it's just a fact of life. but I won't ever make it a forbidden/naughty thing because it'll do the same thing to them as it did to me, make me hell bent on finding out the reasons why and actually doing it myself. >>

I don't know, you sound like a level headed person and seem to have turned out all right. I'm thinking your parents didn't do too badly with the job of raising you. Even if they seemed deficient in one area, in other areas they gave you the mental/emotional tools to balance your life well and keep everything in perspective.

I think sexual curiosity and the desire to experiment are by-products of hitting your teens and having your blood turn into a raging river of stewed hormones. Most kids go through that stage whether they were raised by nuns or nudists.

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
When you waste a sperm,
It makes god quite irate.

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